Are All You Straight Guys Like This Chapter 37

The hallway was filled with the smell of food.

Little Fatty and Brother Shu weren’t eating in the cafeteria. In this freezing weather, their go-to college routine was to head back to the dorm, turn on the heater, eat takeout, and binge-watch shows.

Whether a meal tasted good depended entirely on whether the video was good.

Brother Shu had the keys. He had this weird habit, always drinking cold drinks in winter. His iced lemon tea was sweating with condensation, making Little Fatty’s teeth ache just looking at it. He shivered and tugged his jacket tighter.

“You’re seriously not cold?”

Brother Shu: “Not at all. It actually feels amazing.”

Little Fatty couldn’t understand. “Man, your teeth must be made of steel.”

He wasn’t the only one in the milk tea shop who liked cold drinks. Little Fatty himself carried three steaming cups, two with 30% sugar, one regular.

The regular one was his. The 30% sugar ones were for Shen Shi and Ye Ran.

Neither Shen Shi nor Ye Ran liked sweet things. They really were a perfect match, even their taste buds agreed.

Thinking of the two of them, Little Fatty suddenly remembered something. He frowned slightly, lowered his voice, and said cautiously to Brother Shu, who was scrolling on his phone, “Hey, don’t you think Ye Ran and Shen Shi have been kinda weird since the hot spring trip?”

“Have they?” Brother Shu, the truest straight man in the dorm, looked puzzled. “Aren’t they always stuck together?”

“That’s just it, they haven’t been stuck together lately,” Little Fatty said. “Yesterday and today, I barely saw them together at all.”

Brother Shu rolled his eyes, about to call him paranoid, then caught sight of something on his phone and froze. “Wait… you might be right!”

Little Fatty followed his gaze and saw the blue interface of the campus forum—

[Is there trouble between Ye Ran and Shen Shi?]

The two exchanged alarmed looks, instantly turning serious.

…

OP: Disclaimer: I’m not jealous or anything. I just happened to notice that Ye Ran and Shen Shi haven’t been going to and from class together lately. I’m a painting major and a casual observer, but Ye Ran’s been leaving class early these days, and I haven’t seen Shen Shi picking him up either. Did something happen between them? Anyone know?

1L: Following.

2L: I won’t say if you don’t.

3L: If none of you are going to say anything, then I won’t either.

4L: Fine, I’ll say it. OP, don’t pretend you’re not just jealous, why are you staring at that couple every day? Did they eat your rice or something?

5L: No need for that tone, upstairs. Something’s clearly off, why can’t we talk about it?

6L: Wow, so now peeking into other people’s private lives is justified?

7L: The sourness coming off OP and 5L is so strong I can smell it all the way from Hanyang Building.

8L: I can smell it from Lover’s Lake.

9L: I can smell it from Mingzhi Building.

10L: Reporting from Mingli Building. Had Chinese Art History class last period, I’m in the same class as Ye Ran. [image.jpg] Posting this so OP gets the message: people like you, not just Shen Shi and Ye Ran, even I wouldn’t be interested. PS: stop pretending to be from the Fine Arts department, it’s disgusting.

11L: Borrowed a pic from the “Shipping Them” thread next door. [image.jpg] Open your d*mn dog eyes, OP—try splitting up my CP and you’ll be eating instant noodles without seasoning packets and there’ll never be toilet paper when you need it.

…

Brother Shu clicked open the two enlarged photos one by one.

The first photo looked like it was taken casually, just two blurry figures, one in front of the other, quietly leaving through the back door.

The guy walking ahead was tall, wearing a simple windbreaker, carrying a light gray backpack. The one a step behind wore a jacket in a similar tone and a baseball cap, following him with a relaxed gait.

The second photo was probably taken yesterday at Lover’s Lake.

Sunlight glittered across the rippling water. Ye Ran was slouched on a bench by the shore, head down, looking rather dejected. Shen Shi was crouched in front of him, tying his shoelaces.

The evidence was ironclad. The whole thread immediately turned on OP and 5L, roasting them together.

….

15L: Ohhh, so the reason Shen Shi didn’t pick Ye Ran up was because he was “tutoring” him, huh? What a pity, they’re not having issues at all, they’re just getting even mushier.

16L: No need to be so polite, upstairs. Let me tag OP—aren’t you supposed to be from the Fine Arts department? How do you not even know about the “tutoring”? You must really pay attention in class, huh.

17L: LMAO. There are so many sweet pics in the “Shipping Them” thread next door—if OP had looked at even one, they wouldn’t be throwing a fit here in the “barbershop.”

18L: “Barbershop”? What do you mean? [scratch-head.jpg]

19L: Homophone joke—means “having a meltdown” here. [dog-head.jpg]

20L: Case closed. OP’s just too salty to have ever clicked the other thread. Suggest engraving “I’m not jealous” on your forehead so no one misunderstands. ovo

21L: Hahaha, d*mn girl, you’re savage.

22L: Replying to upstairs: I’m a guy. Alpha. 183cm. Four-pack abs. Clean bill of health. Clean dating history. (PS: anyone got Ye Ran’s WeChat?)

23L: ……

24L: ……

25L: ……

26L: Wait—dude, you came here just to steal someone’s man? (PS: I don’t have it.)

27L: Yeah, thought I had a shot too—d*mn, wasted effort. (PS: willing to pay big $$!)

28L: Speechless. Gays, stop coming to this “barbershop.” (PS: but seriously, I don’t have it.)

29L: What’s with everyone fishing for attention here every day? (PS: I want it too.)

30L: What’s so great about Ye Ran anyway? Didn’t everyone used to stan Shen Shi? Why’s the tide turned so fast—you’re all simping for Ye Ran now??? [image.jpg] (PS: free Ye Ran pic, give me your WeChat and I’ll send you the original.)

31L: …Uh, am I the only one who thinks Ye Ran’s just average? (PS: no WeChat? QQ works too—urgent!!)

32L: I can’t help speaking up—has the gay community really sunk this low? Where’s your morality, your boundaries, your decency—and who the hell has Ye Ran’s WeChat???

33L: Uh, reminder to all you “alphas” above—this forum’s real-name verified. Shen Shi has admin privileges. (PS: you guys have nerves of steel, huh?)

34L: ……

35L: …………

36L: Sh*t. Forgot about that.

The next second, just as Brother Shu was about to post, a notification popped up—
[This post contains harmful content and has been deleted by admin 777. Some accounts will be banned for 30 days.]

Brother Shu: ……

Brother Shu: ……“D*mn, Shen Shi, you’re fast.”

….

He casually put his phone away and exchanged a guilty glance with Little Fatty beside him. Both looked sheepish.

“Cough—seriously, what’s up with gay guys these days… they all loaded or something? Two hundred bucks just to get a WeChat ID?”

Little Fatty: “Right? This circle’s a mess… Doesn’t Ye Ran have a WeChat alt for that Youth Study thing anyway?”

As they neared the dorm, both automatically fell silent and pushed the door open.

Inside, the bed curtains weren’t drawn.

Dim evening light filtered through the clouds, the streetlights outside painting the thin tree branches in pale gold—a bleak winter scene.

Laughter and chatter echoed faintly from the corridor.

Brother Shu closed the door behind him, turned around and saw Ye Ran already lying on his bed, leaning over the edge, talking wearily to Shen Shi.

Shen Shi stood beside the bed, his voice low and gentle. As Brother Shu passed by, he caught him softly asking, “Does it still hurt?”

Ye Ran’s gaze was lowered; his long phoenix eyes curved faintly, lashes thick and dark as crow feathers. His skin was pale, his hair black and fine. Dressed in a light gray loungewear set, he looked mild and soft, just looking at him made one’s heart settle.

No wonder all those gay guys in the thread were losing their minds.

Brother Shu nearly wanted to snap a photo to show them—forget it, fellas, these two are already glued together.

“Ye Ran, milk tea.” Little Fatty’s voice rose from below the bed. Ye Ran looked over and smiled. “For me?”

Little Fatty grinned. “Yeah, thirty percent sugar. This one’s Shen Shi’s.”

Ye Ran had been in a bad mood lately, so Little Fatty bought it especially for him. And when he thought of Shen Shi, he picked one up for him too.

Ye Ran took the milk tea, the tips of his ears inexplicably red. “Thanks.”

Shen Shi also took his cup and said to Little Fatty, “I bought some green grapes. You and Brother Shu can have them.”

“You two aren’t eating?” Little Fatty asked.

With a soft pop, Ye Ran pushed the straw through the lid and took a sip. The mix of oolong tea and milk melted his mood with ease. He said to Little Fatty, “We already ate.”

Little Fatty nodded. “Okay, I’ll go wash them.”

Brother Shu sat in the chair and found a variety show to watch while eating.

He turned the volume way up. From the balcony came the splashing sound of Little Fatty washing grapes, hua la la, noisy and ordinary, amidst it all, Shen Shi gently ruffled Ye Ran’s hair.

Ye Ran pressed his lips together, trying to dodge but holding still. Shen Shi took the milk tea from his hand, raised his head to meet Ye Ran’s gaze. His eyes were dark, deep as a black hole swirling with unreadable emotion. His voice was low. “It really doesn’t hurt anymore?”

Ye Ran’s voice grew smaller; embarrassed and helpless, he looked at him. “…Stop asking that all the time.”

Shen Shi seemed to laugh softly, gave a faint hum, then asked even more lightly, “So, when can I become official?”

Ye Ran took the milk tea back, blinked; his black, clear eyes looked freshly washed. Lying on his stomach, he didn’t answer directly. “We’ll see.”

Anyway, not now.

Shen Shi wasn’t in a rush. He asked in that same calm tone, “I can only kiss you after I’m official, right?”

Ye Ran nodded firmly. “Yeah.”

He remembered what he’d said to Shen Shi by Lover’s Lake yesterday and, uneasy, repeated it. “…You promised you’d keep your distance from me.”

The day before, he had really lost his temper. His chest had hurt, and he’d almost teared up in front of Shen Shi.

Shen Shi had crouched in front of him, earnestly confessed and repented, solemnly admitted he was bad at it, inexperienced, and well a virgin. Ye Ran’s ears had turned red listening to him, the cold wind off Lover’s Lake making him both embarrassed and amused. In the end, Shen Shi coaxed him into softening up, and they made Three Rules.

[The Three Rules]

1. Shen Shi can’t hold his hand whenever he wants.

2. Shen Shi can’t kiss him whenever he wants.

3. Before he’s “official,” Shen Shi can touch only his hair, nowhere else.

Yes, if you’re chasing someone, act like you’re chasing them.

Shen Shi understood that perfectly well.

“I remember,” Shen Shi said, catching the emotion in his voice and soothing him, then casually added, “By the way, Yu Ting told me that a lot of our classmates’ WeChat IDs got leaked recently. What about your class?”

Ye Ran blinked. “WeChat IDs leaked?”

“Mm. Heard some pyramid scheme companies got hold of students’ WeChats somehow, then used them for scams. Each account could be worth at least 200 yuan.”

Ye Ran was instantly indignant, he still remembered being scammed out of 200 yuan online once. “…That explains why so many people have been adding me lately.”

“Oh?” Shen Shi lazily lifted his eyelids to look at him. “A lot of people adding you?”

“Yeah, and they even know my name.” Ye Ran suddenly sat up, nervous. “…They even pretend to be classmates.”

Shen Shi said simply, “Don’t respond.”

“I didn’t,” Ye Ran said, still rattled. “Good thing I’ve got strong anti-fraud awareness.”

Shen Shi: “You downloaded the anti-fraud app?”

“Oh—right.” Ye Ran blinked, handed his milk tea back to him, and pulled out his phone. “I’ll download it now.”

Shen Shi: “Don’t answer calls from unknown numbers either.”

“I know,” Ye Ran said. “I never pick up from unfamiliar numbers.”

Little Fatty, passing by after washing grapes and overhearing everything: …

Brother Shu, who thought turning the variety show volume up meant no one could hear anything: ………

The biggest scammer is right in front of you, Ye Little-Ran!

Eating someone’s food makes you soft-hearted. Little Fatty froze for two seconds, then silently walked away. Taking someone’s stuff makes you tongue-tied, Brother Shu glanced up twice, then quietly looked down again.

Shen Shi: the man who could silence an entire dorm room.

——

That night, at exactly eleven o’clock.

Dorm 211’s lights went out.

All four of them had good routines, lights off at eleven sharp, whether asleep or not, everyone lay in bed scrolling on their phones.

Ye Ran was half-asleep when he faintly noticed Shen Shi, across from him, sitting up with his laptop open, doing something.

The faint glow of the screen traced the sharp lines of Shen Shi’s handsome face.

He looked calm and expressionless, eyes cool as he scrolled with the mouse.

Ye Ran’s mind drifted; soon, he fell completely asleep.

….

Meanwhile.

In the distant dorms of the Finance Department.

Yu Ting was clutching his phone in numb disbelief, typing each word through gritted teeth, trembling.

—[Say that again.]

Ding-ding.

A WeChat notification popped up: the other party was online on PC.

[Shen Shi]: Transfer – 500 yuan.

[Shen Shi]: Where do I find gay tutorial videos.

Yu Ting: …

Yu Ting: …………

Overcome with a mix of fury and disbelief, Yu Ting nearly choked himself. The other three roommates were gaming beside him, keyboards clattering like gunfire.

[Yu Ting]: Bro, how the h*ll would I know??? I’M STRAIGHT.

[Yu Ting]: Transfer received – 500 yuan.

[Yu Ting]: Give me ten minutes. I’ll handle it.

[Shen Shi]: Mm.

[Shen Shi]: Transfer – 200 yuan.

[Shen Shi]: Be detailed.

Yu Ting’s scalp went numb. D*mn it. As a red-blooded straight man, where the h*ll was he supposed to find gay tutorial videos? Just thinking about it made his skin crawl, like ants running down his back, a strange chill spreading from his tailbone.

[Yu Ting]: D*mn, why do you have so many issues?

[Yu Ting]: Transfer received – 200 yuan.

[Yu Ting]: Give me ten minutes, I’ll handle this.

——

Ten minutes later, Yu Ting appeared on time, looking ten years older, typing without energy, not even using punctuation.

[Yu Ting]: There’s a place you can check.

[Yu Ting]: “Gay Bar” forum.

[Yu Ting]: There’s a post called — 【In this situation, is my friend’s friend still straight?】, and someone’s selling 2GB of tutorial material below.

Inside the dorm, Shen Shi’s expression gradually became thoughtful.

…2GB.

He replied with a simple “Mm.”

Soon, he downloaded Baidu Tieba onto his computer.

The blue-and-white interface looked fresh. The school’s fast network meant the download completed in five minutes. Shen Shi typed [Gay Bar] into the search bar and immediately saw the hottest post pinned to the top.

——【In this situation, is my friend’s friend still straight?】

[Hajso]: The situation is like this…

Shen Shi had no interest in reading the whole post. He scrolled to the end and, under the most liked comment, found an ID named [Liushui Youyi].

[Liushui Youyi]: The original poster’s straight friend turned gay, good stuff. If bad at it, can practice. Two GB of materials in the cloud drive, add me on WeChat for details.

…That’s him.

Shen Shi clicked into [Liushui Youyi]’s profile and chose to private message.

[Shen]: Hello, how much for the 2GB of materials?

Liushui Youyi, online surfing, replied quickly: [Oh, you’re the friend that “confused friend” mentioned, right?]

Shen Shi paused, recalling Yu Ting’s limited description skills, and replied: [Yes.]

[Liushui Youyi]: http:hj.www… copy link to…

[Liushui Youyi]: Bro, I know your situation, your friend told me everything. Just turned gay recently, right? No need to pay, I’ll give it free.

[Liushui Youyi]: If you’re bad, it can be fixed—er, practiced. Having the heart is already good.

[Liushui Youyi]: Hope you get the beauty soon, good luck!

Shen Shi: “……”

He closed his eyes briefly, fingers pale and long on the mouse, veins visible. A few seconds later, he coldly typed: [Thanks.]

Closing the chat box, expressionless, he copied the link and was about to exit the post when he glanced at the main post.

[Hajso]: The situation is like this: the OP has a friend, he and his friend are very close… just wondering, is that friend still straight?

Kissed?

And didn’t show any disgust?

Reading the post’s description, Shen Shi inexplicably felt unsettled by the OP’s serious yet flustered tone. He paused two seconds, drank water calmly, and typed:

[Shen]: I think your friend’s friend is no longer straight.

After replying, he decisively closed Tieba, copied the link to the cloud drive, and patiently waited for the 2GB materials to download.

The long night stretched on.

On the bed across from him, Ye Ran seemed restless; his phone lit up.

Shen Shi lowered his voice again, pulled down the bed curtain.

Good night.

Ye Ran.