My Cold-Hearted Wife Chapter 53

By the time he returned to the Shuanglu Court, all the lamps had been lit.

The young servant leading the way carried a palace lantern with curved horn panels. Beneath the eaves of the main house hung a string of Fujian bead lanterns, their tiny beads arranged into patterns of the Three Friends of Winter. They gave off a soft, hazy glow, welcoming their master home.

Inside, a four-sided glass lamp stood on the long table in the main hall. The glass had a faint bluish tint, but the warm light balanced it out, brightly illuminating the western room.

Two maids in red sleeveless jackets stepped forward to unfasten his outer robe. They took off his dust-covered cloak, then removed his boots and replaced them with a pair of comfortable cloth slippers.

Another maid came forward carrying a basin of warm water. One of the taller maids was about to wring out a face cloth for him, but he waved her away and wrung it out himself before wiping his face.

“Third Young Master, Madam has sent supper over.” Another of his personal attendants, a young servant named Song Mu, entered carrying a food box and efficiently laid out the dishes.

There was a bowl of wonton chicken soup, a serving of silver-thread noodles, and several small side dishes.

Xie Xuanying actually had no appetite, but he could not bring himself to refuse his mother’s kindness. He sat down on the couch and ate a few bites without much thought.

Only then did he notice that the maid serving him looked unfamiliar. He raised an eyebrow.

“Third Young Master, Madam sent her over,” the taller maid hurriedly explained. “She said she will be serving you from now on.”

Dangui hurried forward and bowed. “I am Dangui. I pay my respects to Third Young Master.”

Xie Xuanying asked casually, “Who left?”

Although he had gone to Jiangnan with only one young servant and one steward at his side, that was simply because there was no other choice when travelling. Bringing too many people would have slowed them down, especially with the eight guards accompanying them.

In fact, back at the Marquis’s residence, he had more than ten people serving him.

There were two personal attendants who stayed constantly at his side, four attendants who accompanied him when he went out, two whose duties were to carry his cushions and clothes, one who delivered calling cards to other households, and another who handled his horse and ran various errands.

There were servants in the inner residence as well: young maids who handled sweeping and cleaning, and women who did the laundry. These people rarely came before him and were hardly ever seen. The ones he knew best were still the two first-class maids and two second-class maids.

The two first-class maids were the ones in red sleeveless jackets, Mei Yun and Mei Rui. They had been serving him for five or six years. The two second-class maids, Zhu Zhi and Zhu Xiang, were responsible for his clothes and tea, and there was more than enough for the four of them to manage.

With another person suddenly appearing out of nowhere, he assumed she had been brought in to fill someone else’s vacant position, hence his question.

Dangui’s face flushed, but she could only stand there tongue-tied.

“No one has left,” Mei Yun explained. “Madam sent her here specifically to serve you.”

Xie Xuanying’s brows immediately drew together.

For someone of his status, he was no stranger to having a maid assigned to his bed. There were always a few such women in a household, whether they belonged to his brothers or his father. They had no particular status or standing and were collectively referred to as women of the inner quarters.

They were usually barely noticeable, except that they dressed a little more prettily than ordinary maids, and the elders were generally willing to turn a blind eye.

He looked the woman before him over. Her head was bowed so low that he could not see her face, but he could make out her glossy black hair and the solid-gold osmanthus hairpin tucked into it.

Obtrusive.

“What did you say your name was?” he asked.

“My name is Dangui.” The young woman bowed even lower, her back arching as she did so, making her look all the more pitiful. “It was Madam who changed my name.”

Xie Xuanying had no desire to make things difficult for a mere maid. “From now on, call her Zhu… Zhu Li. Give her some other duties. I don’t want her wandering around in front of me.”

Dangui froze. She raised her head helplessly and stared at him in alarm, her beautiful eyes brimming with tears.

Xie Xuanying, however, remained unmoved.

Even if such women were commonplace in his household, even if his mother had permitted them to serve him, so what? In the story he had waited so long to live, there had never been a place for women like them.

Mei Yun and Mei Rui exchanged a glance, neither daring to intervene. After all, once someone entered Shuanglu Court, she belonged to Third Young Master. Whether she lived or died was no longer up to her.

Being sent here by Madam was a matter of fortune. Not being taken a liking to by the young master was simply her fate.

“Yes.”

Mei Rui helped Dangui away. Afraid she might make a scene, she lowered her voice as soon as they stepped outside and comforted her, “Young Master is tired today. Perhaps he’ll remember you tomorrow. If so, your own good fortune will come.”

Only after hearing this did Dangui – or rather, Zhu Li now – finally regain her composure. She forced herself to say, “Thank you, Sister.”

Seeing that she was willing to listen, Mei Rui breathed a sigh of relief. After all, she was someone Madam had sent over, only to be dismissed by Young Master. If Mei Rui handled the matter poorly, she would end up bearing the blame from both sides.

Inside, with the others gone, Xie Xuanying had completely lost his appetite. He put down his spoon. “Clear it away. Prepare the bath.”

Outside, Zhu Zhi and Zhu Xiang hurriedly carried in two buckets of hot water and poured them into the bathing tub. Mei Yun undid his hair ribbon and used an ivory comb to smooth out his hair.

Xie Xuanying rested his head in his hand, his thoughts drifting elsewhere.

I wonder how Miss Cheng is doing with my teacher… She came to the capital all by herself, and from now on she’ll have to depend on someone else for a roof over her head again… Though my teacher is kind and his wife is a good woman, still… still, it isn’t her own home… Perhaps she can only truly have a place of her own once she marries.

Yes, she was already fifteen.

It probably wouldn’t be long before my teacher arranged a marriage for her.

Then what about me?

Compared with Xie Xuanying, who had returned to the capital only to be confronted immediately by countless problems, Cheng Danruo was remarkably at ease.

The Yan family had already received Yan Hongzhi’s letter and knew that he had taken in an adoptive daughter and intended to treat her with great care. As soon as Cheng Danruo stepped through the door after getting out of the carriage, the First Madam took her hand.

“So you must be my little sister. I’m your eldest sister-in-law.”

Cheng Danruo paused before giving her a formal curtsy.

First Madam returned the courtesy with a smile, discreetly sizing her up as she did so. This newly arrived girl was dressed very simply: a blue, front-fastening long jacket over a white gauze skirt. She wore nothing but a silver hairpin set with jade, no bracelet on her wrist, no necklace around her neck, and at her waist hung a slightly worn lotus-patterned purse.

To be honest, her clothes were rather shabby. Fortunately, her skin was fair and she stood straight and composed, making her quite unlike some impoverished relative who had come begging for assistance. It was clear at a glance that she was a young lady of respectable birth.

Her smile grew warmer as she took Cheng Danruo by the hand and led her inside.

Yan Hongzhi’s wife, Lady Hong, was already waiting for her.

Lady Hong had a round, full face, and though she was no longer young and could not quite conceal the silver in her temples, when she smiled, two deep dimples appeared in her cheeks, making her look as sweet as a young girl.

“Dan-niang has arrived.” She smiled. “I’ve been thinking about you for so long. At last, I’ve finally got you here.”

As she spoke, a maid laid out a prayer mat in preparation for the formal greeting.

This was an unavoidable rite of family relations. Cheng Danruo sighed inwardly, then knelt and bowed her head to the floor.

“Greetings, Mother.”

“Quickly, get up.” Lady Hong accepted her bow, thereby formally acknowledging her status as her “adoptive daughter” once again. Smiling warmly, she beckoned. “Good girl, come here and let me have a look at you.”

First Madam hurriedly helped Cheng Danruo to her feet and led her over to Lady Hong.

Lady Hong put an arm around her shoulders and smiled. “After all these years, I finally have a daughter.” She looked Cheng Danruo over carefully for a moment before asking with concern, “You must be exhausted after such a long journey. Are you tired?”

“Thanks to your kindness, I’m quite all right,” Cheng Danruo replied cautiously.

“I’ve heard all about what happened to you. From now on, think of this as your own home and settle in without worry.” At their first meeting, Lady Hong offered her the greatest kindness she could.

Cheng Danruo obediently agreed, but she did not dare take the words entirely to heart.

Whether she was a goddaughter or a niece, no matter how pleasant the title sounded, she would still have work to do.

That was simply her pride: if she could avoid taking something without giving anything in return, she absolutely would.

Lady Hong asked her a few more questions about the journey, but seeing that it was getting late, she did not keep her any longer and asked First Madam to take her to her quarters.

The Yan household was small and uncomplicated. Apart from Yan Hongzhi and Lady Hong, only their eldest son and his wife lived at home, and the residence itself was not particularly large. First Madam arranged for Cheng Danruo to stay in a secluded separate courtyard carved out of the rear rooms. It had one and a half rooms in the main building and one room in the eastern wing. Its greatest advantage, however, was its peace and quiet.

Cheng Danruo had little luggage, so she soon had everything put away.

She used the brighter front room of the main building as her bedroom and the inner room as a washroom, while the eastern wing served as both a study and a sitting room. It was just enough.

As for Zi Su, there was also a side room where a maid could stay without any trouble.

By the time Cheng Danruo had finished settling in, it was almost nightfall.

First Madam returned with another maid, explaining that Lady Hong had assigned her to serve Cheng Danruo from then on.

“You’ve troubled Mother on my account,” Cheng Danruo said.

“It was only right.” First Madam called the maid over to bow.

The girl had delicate features and was quick and capable in her movements. She spoke brightly, “I am Xi Que. Greetings, Third Young Miss.”

Cheng Danruo nodded without saying much.

Zi Su, however, stepped forward with a beaming smile and slipped a purse into the girl’s hand. “We’ll be relying on you from now on, Sister.”

Xi Que accepted it without hesitation and replied just as pleasantly, “Then I’ll have to ask you to guide me as well, Sister.”

The mistress was courteous, the guest was tactful, and naturally, everything went smoothly.

That evening, Cheng Danruo was told that Lady Hong had excused her from the customary evening greeting. Xi Que therefore brought dinner to her, and she had her first meal in her new quarters.

Once the lamps were lit, Xi Que also directed two rough-service matrons to bring in hot water so that Cheng Danruo could bathe properly and wash away the dust of her journey.

At last, Cheng Danruo could have a proper bath.

After disembarking from the boat, she had spent quite some time travelling by carriage. Even with the curtains drawn, the dust kicked up from the dirt roads had been enough to leave her filthy.

She washed her hair, bathed, and dried her hair by the fire.

By the time she had slowly finished everything, the night was already deep. With no energy left to spare for thought, Cheng Danruo lay down on the unfamiliar bed and peacefully fell asleep.

Shuanglu Court.

Xie Xuanying had finished bathing and was sitting alone against the table, staring at the box before him. The hidden compartment had been opened. Inside were the arithmetic calculation sheets he had always intended to return, but had somehow “forgotten” to give back.

He had never intended to keep them until this day, yet now that the moment had come, he was not surprised either.

Perhaps it had begun much earlier… Was this what it meant by “love knows not where it begins”? Even now, he could not figure out when it had started, or where it had come from.

Was it the care she had given him while he was ill in Jiaxiang? No. Whenever he fell sick, the maids took even greater care of him than she had, and it was commonplace for them to stay awake all night tending to him.

Was it riding together on horseback in Yancheng? No. Those had been chaotic times, and whatever intimacy there had been was fleeting. Besides, his mind had been occupied with other matters, leaving no room for romantic thoughts.

Then was it defending against the enemy outside the fishing village? Or their meeting at Tianxin Temple? Or perhaps even earlier, during the Shangsi Festival?

It seemed to be none of them.

And yet, it seemed to be all of them.

Looking back now, he could clearly remember her climbing up from the foot of the mountain during the Shangsi Festival and taking his hand. He also remembered the meditation room at Tianxin Temple, where she had claimed to possess magical powers and said she could see the character “fate” in his eyes.

As for their game of chess at sea and their moonlit conversation in the courtyard at Yancheng, he remembered those even more clearly, as though they had happened only yesterday.

Love knows not where it begins, yet once begun, it runs deep…

He thought of those words again, and found himself utterly convinced of their truth.

Wasn’t it exactly so? If someone asked him what he loved about Miss Cheng, how could he possibly answer? Her appearance was nothing extraordinary, her family background was hardly distinguished, and compared with the daughters of great aristocratic families, her accomplishments and upbringing were far from exceptional.

And yet now, in the stillness of the deep night, though his body was exhausted, the person occupying his thoughts was her.

On the journey to the capital, the two of them had been together almost every day from morning to night, separated by no more than a single room, close enough to reach out and touch. Now, however, they had no choice but to live in different places, and seeing each other again seemed as difficult as ascending to the heavens.

Xie Xuanying felt a little regretful, but he also came to understand something: no wonder the ancients said that those who had never known longing did not know its pain until they fell in love and began to yearn.

Only separation could reveal the true depth of one’s feelings.

He let out a quiet sigh, his thoughts running in a thousand directions.

His mother had always dreamed of finding him a fine wife, preferably one from a distinguished family, accomplished enough to compose poems with the elegance of Xie Daoyun, virtuous enough to rival Ban Zhao, and capable of managing a household with every detail attended to, everything arranged to perfection.

Miss Cheng probably met none of those requirements.

But if Xie Xuanying were to face reality and simply give her up, he truly could not bring himself to do it.

Marriage ought to be bound by love. What meaning was there in marrying a woman who was perfect in every way but whom he did not love? He neither wanted to stand by helplessly and watch the woman he loved marry someone else, nor did he want to spend his life with someone he did not love, sitting together in silence with nothing to say.

Why did it have to be like this?

Xie Xuanying slowly curled his fingers together, gripping the sheet of paper tightly in his hand, his heart filled with bewilderment.

He had once thought that no matter whom he fell in love with, so long as she was not a princess, there would at least be a chance. Even if she were a commandery princess or a county princess, given the Xie family’s standing, they could always make an attempt. And if there were still some obstacle, he could work hard to build a career for himself. Surely, eventually, there would be a way through.

Who could have imagined that he would have been completely wrong?