My Cold-Hearted Wife Chapter 90

This was destined to be a rather memorable day in the first half of Cheng Danruo’s life.

Working during the day and still having to work overtime at night to repay social favors – at the moment when exhaustion and weariness overlapped, watching a rarely seen play could count as a little relaxation in an oppressive palace life.

Especially this play, Wild Mandarin Ducks, had a beautiful melody – a thatched-roof pavilion covered in green moss, a pair of lovers who loved but could not be together, bamboo leaves rustling in the evening breeze, a bright moon hanging in the sky.

She could not help but think of the Hong Kong erotic films she had watched with her classmates in the dormitory back then.

Sensual and decadent yet not without atmosphere, with a faint sense of sorrow as well.

But with a great beauty beside her, it was different again.

This time, he was still covering her eyes.

Although the gauze robe was loose and roomy, once he raised his hand, the sleeves fell down, and there was no way to keep another layer between them. She felt his fingers – her first impression was smoothness, truly the hand of a noble young master, like silk.

Only in the area beneath her eyelids could she feel a slightly different texture – thin calluses from trimming, yet they did not prick, almost like the touch of cotton paper.

The five fingers rested loosely over her face like that, long and distinct; she could sense that his body temperature was a little high, and his fingertips occasionally moved slightly, conveying their owner’s unease.

By her ear were again the whispers of that pair of lovers, sometimes high and lifted, sometimes choking, broken and intermittent, like weeping and complaining.

Was that woman crying?

For whom was she shedding tears – for her own unjust fate, or for her lover’s consolation?

Cheng Danruo felt ripples stir in her heart and could not help but grasp his fingers, wanting to pull them aside to take a look.

Xie Xuanying’s thoughts were in fact also somewhere behind the stone tablet. Caught off guard by her touch, he was startled and closed his palm, yet it just happened to clasp her hand.

Compared with last year’s Shangsi Festival, when he hurriedly pulled her up the hillside, today’s contact was undoubtedly more thorough.

Her hand was very cool, her nails trimmed round and clean but not long, like little crescent moons, and not dyed with pale red nail polish either – they were a faint pinkish white.

The cool, clean feeling was like… frost and snow.

A light joy leaped up in the bottom of his heart.

As for Cheng Danruo, she had wanted to pull, but could not pull it all the way down; she only managed to shift it to the bridge of her nose and barely restored her field of vision. She glared at him in annoyance, yet she also knew one should not look at what is improper, so she had no choice but to peek stealthily.

In the pavilion, the man wiped away the woman’s tears. “What are you crying for? Did I hurt you?”

“Brother Peng,” she said, crying and smiling, “even if I died now, I would be willing.”

This heartfelt sigh, carrying an inexplicable depth of feeling and desolation, made Xie Xuanying startled.

He turned to look.

The man was only an ordinary man, and the woman was merely an ordinary woman -one even a monk with unbroken worldly desires, the other a married woman who did not keep to wifely virtue.

Xie Xuanying naturally disdained what they had done, and yet… he had to admit that at this moment, something had struck a chord in his heart.

If Dan-niang had married someone else, and that person treated her badly, what should I do?

As soon as this thought arose, his heart immediately felt as if it were being cut with a knife.

The night was already deep, and the man and woman finally began to dress, bidding each other a reluctant farewell.

“Once you’ve made up your mind, come find me at the temple. The sky is high and the emperor is far away – we’ll run to the north, run to the south, there’s always a way out.” The man stroked her face. “If you can’t bear to leave the child, bring him along. I’ll treat him as my own flesh and blood, and I will never let you down.”

The woman held back her tears and nodded.

The two took their leave and went their separate ways.

Cheng Danruo sighed and opened her mouth to speak, but could not make a sound.

His hand was still covering her face, and his ring finger and little finger were both touching her lips. She rather wanted to bite him, to vent some of her irritation at staying up late tonight, but in the end she could not bear to, out of consideration for how rare a beauty he was.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat to remind him to let go.

Xie Xuanying suddenly came back to his senses and only then realized that his palm was pressed against her lips. He hurriedly released her. “S-sorry.” Guiltily, he turned his head away, afraid she would notice something unusual.

A beauty in embarrassment was still very pleasing to look at.

Cheng Danruo said magnanimously, “It’s nothing. No one could have expected it.”

She stretched her body; having just hidden behind such a small shadow, her body had been terribly tense. “It’s time to go back.”

Only then did Xie Xuanying remember that he still had not asked what he truly wanted to ask.

He stopped her. “Is there anything troubling you in the palace?”

Cheng Danruo turned her head.

He said, “If there is anything difficult, anything hard to handle, you may as well tell me.”

Instead of answering, she asked in return, “Do you think the imperial palace is a good place?”

Xie Xuanying hesitated, wanting to speak but stopping.

“I live very hard every day.” Far from the forbidden precincts of the palace city, far from the deep courtyards of the inner quarters, here among the bamboo under the moon, she was willing to speak a few heartfelt words. “But I can still endure it. If I truly cannot endure it anymore… suicide is not permitted in the palace, but if one wants to die, there are plenty of ways.”

He was startled and blurted out, “Absolutely not.”

“Don’t worry, it won’t implicate my adoptive father.” Cheng Danruo did not wish to say more. “All right, it’s late. Let’s go back.”

She turned and walked back.

Xie Xuanying followed closely, the words hovering on the tip of his tongue for a long time before he finally said, “Living in the palace does require caution… If you want to leave the palace, it is not so difficult either.”

Cheng Danruo smiled. “You see, that is exactly where the hardship lies. If I leave the palace, where could I go? Either I would be living under someone else’s roof at this household or that one, or I would be a parasite in another family. Better to stay in the palace, where I have a salary and a post.”

Xie Xuanying said, “Marrying… would make it better.”

She retorted, “And is marriage not living under someone else’s roof too?”

He said, “Of course not.”

“It is the same,” Cheng Danruo said. “Watching a relative’s expression and watching a husband’s expression – there is no difference.”

Xie Xuanying said, “He may not necessarily give you looks to contend with.”

She said, “Is that so?”

He glanced at her and could not help thinking, Right now, is it not I who am watching your expression?

“In any case, I appreciate your good intentions.” The midnight wind was very cool and pleasant. Cheng Danruo combed through her hair, which was already more or less dry. “There is nothing bad about things now. Please tell my adoptive father not to worry about me.”

“Ahem.” Xie Xuanying withdrew his hand and put it behind his back as if nothing had happened. “Understood.”

For the last stretch of the road, neither of them spoke.

The two parted ways at Bodhi Court.

Cheng Danruo slipped back to the courtyard along the base of the wall; the door was already locked. Unhurried, she lightly manipulated her hairpin to flick loose the short bolt below, then threaded it through the ribbon and gradually moved aside the long bar above.

She slipped inside and locked the door again.

The clothes left out to dry in the courtyard were already half dry. She turned them over and went back inside to rest.

Xie Xuanying had also returned to his quarters.

After dismissing everyone, he sat on the bed and raised his hand toward the candlelight.

On his fair, slender fingers were tangled a few strands of hair.

When she had been combing her hair, the wind had blown the loose strands onto the back of his hand. His heart had stirred in that moment; he had wound them around the base of his fingers, hidden them in his sleeve, and brought them back.

Xie Xuanying rubbed his fingertips and carefully laid them on the pillow. Then he cut a tassel from his jade pendant, tied the two locks of dark hair together, wrapped them carefully in thin paper, and tucked them into his scent pouch. Only then did he get into bed, satisfied.

The weather was hot and dry, and he tossed and turned, unable to sleep.

He turned over twice, sat up, and let down the bed curtain.

The next day, except for the palace servants who had fallen ill, the palace relatives who had been staying at the temple set out to return to the palace.

Xie Xuanying escorted them to the palace gate and handed them over to the guards on duty. After that, however, he did not go to have an audience with the emperor, but went straight home.

Entering Shuanglu Courtyard, he first sent a maid to the main courtyard: “Tell Mother that I have already returned and that all is well. After the imperial physician has seen me tomorrow, I will come pay my respects to Mother.”

Mei Yun made a curtsy and went to relay the message for him.

“Prepare hot water,” he instructed.

Mei Rui answered and ordered the little maids to pass on the word, while she herself helped him change clothes. When untying his belt, as usual she took off his scent pouch and placed it on the tray, to have Zhu Zhi put it away properly in a little while.

In great households, all accessories had to match the solar terms. June was for lotuses; in July, they would change to jade hairpins. This scent pouch was already out of season and needed to be replaced with a new one.

Yet when Xie Xuanying saw it, he reached out and took it back.

Mei Rui was slightly surprised, but did not dare to ask questions. She helped him remove his gauze cap and jade hairpin, take off his boots, and change his shoes.

Zhu Xiang knelt on the ground, spread out oil paper, and set down the bathtub. A young servant brought in two buckets of hot water and slowly poured them into the half-man-high bathing tub. Mei Rui rolled up her sleeves and tested the water temperature.

Over there, Zhu Zhi had already opened the chest and taken out a stack of pressed white cotton towels, laying them neatly on the table to one side, and then brought over everyday old clothes ready for him.

Zhu Li came in meekly with lowered brows and eyes, and set out the fragrant soap and the box of fragrant powder.

Mei Rui glanced at her, then asked tentatively, “Young master, would you like someone to stay and attend you?”

He waved his hand.

The maids were not close to him. Apart from Mei Yun, who had served at Lady Liu’s side and dared to venture a mild word or two of advice – let alone joke with him – they quietly withdrew.

Xie Xuanying loosened his clothes and began to bathe.

Compared with other noble sons and princes, his ability to look after himself was still fairly good. In his childhood he had been raised in the palace; although there were personal attendants serving him closely, he was ultimately not of the imperial bloodline and was not pampered. Later, when he studied under Yan Hongzhi, it was also inconvenient to bring maids along, so he had only two young servants by his side.

Over time, he had grown used to it.

Summer was hot, and honeysuckle and jasmine had been added to the water, making it very refreshing.

He soaked in the bath for a quarter of an hour, then rose and dried himself. This was what the pure white cotton cloths were for: one for the upper body and one for the lower body, thrown away after use.

He put on a casual gauze robe, changed into more comfortable cloud-patterned shoes, opened the scent pouch, hid the paper packet inside, and called, “Someone come.”

The maids waiting outside hurried in, poured out the cold water from the bathtub, and replaced it with a copper basin and a low couch.

Xie Xuanying lay down and let them undo his hair and wash and comb it for him.

By this time, Mei Yun had returned.

She rolled up her narrow sleeves, removed the silver bracelet from her wrist, and slowly combed through his hair. Mei Rui stood to one side, handing her the fragrant soap and towels.

Out of the corner of her eye, Mei Rui caught sight of the scent pouch on the ground and was stunned for a moment. She asked, “Young master, that scent pouch…”

“Burn it,” he said. “Burn everything I’ve taken off.”

Mei Rui said, “…Yes.” She instructed Zhu Zhi, “No need to wash them. Burn them all.”

Xie Xuanying closed his eyes.

The maids sensibly did not disturb him much and worked quietly and lightly.

After his hair was washed, it was dried with warmed hot cotton towels and slowly combed smooth with a wooden comb. By then, it was about time for the evening meal.

The maids set the dishes on the kang table. One table was not enough, so another low table of equal height had to be placed below it. Then the dishes were laid out. There was no portion for a mistress of the household, and there was not much food either: four cold dishes, four hot dishes, and two soups.

Xie Xuanying had eaten vegetarian meals for several days, so his appetite was quite good, and he ate a fair amount.

After the meal, he drank tea.

He took the tea that Zhu Xiang handed him and said, “All of you may withdraw. Mei Yun, stay.”

“Yes.”

Zhu Li lit the lamp and left with the others.

“Sit,” he said concisely.

Mei Yun assented and brought a stool over, sitting at an angle.

He came straight to the point. “You were gone so long earlier. What did Mother ask you?”

Mei Yun replied, “She asked whether your spirits were good, and whether you would still be entering the palace later.”

“And what else?”

Only then did she say, “She asked about Zhu Li.”

Xie Xuanying frowned.

“Madam asked whether she served you well, and said that if you found her unsatisfactory, she could be replaced,” Mei Yun tactfully conveyed Lady Liu’s meaning.

To be honest, one could hardly blame her for worrying. If a son indulged in women and spent all day playing with maids, his mother would be furious; but if he was at the age of hot blood and yet showed no interest in women, mothers would inevitably grow suspicious – was their son incapable, or did he prefer men?

Xie Xuanying pressed his fingers to his temple.

“Is there anything else?”

Mei Yun shook her head and said softly, “Madam is only worried about you.” She paused, then boldly asked, “Tonight, would you like that girl to serve the night watch?”

Xie Xuanying set down his teacup. “What, have you grown used to running things in my chambers, to the point that you would arrange even me?”

Mei Yun was startled and immediately rose and knelt down. “I would not dare.”

“Then did she give you some benefit?” he asked coldly.

Mei Yun swore an oath. “No. I have absolutely no divided loyalties.”

“You are Mother’s person,” Xie Xuanying said slowly, “and you have always been sensible and known your limits. I originally intended to keep you until the young madam enters the household, but if you want to be released early to marry, I will not hold you back.”

Beads of sweat appeared on the tip of Mei Yun’s nose. “I belong to Shuanglu Court and obeys only the young master’s orders. If the young master tells me to marry, I will marry; if the young master tells me to serve the young madam, I will go serve the young madam. I will say not a word otherwise.”

“Is that truly so?”

She kowtowed. “Everything is entirely as the young master commands.”

Xie Xuanying looked at her and took up his teacup. “Get up.”

Mei Yun scrambled to her feet, not daring to sit again, and stood with her hands lowered.

Xie Xuanying sighed to himself: This girl had been with him for five or six years. She was someone his mother had bestowed on him, steady and careful with her words, and thoroughly familiar with the household’s affairs. He truly had wanted to keep her until after his marriage, to help Dan-niang become familiar with the family matters as quickly as possible.

And yet…

Alas, if Dan-niang were willing to enter the household, he would be glad to watch her expression every day.