Chapter 148: Gazing at the Moon
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On the way back, He Yan kept looking at the flower basket in Chu Zhao’s hand.
The flower basket looked very beautiful, and the street vendor had written the words “Zi Lan” on it with great care. His handwriting was already elegant and refined, and when combined with the various fragrances in the basket, it complemented each other perfectly.
“Brother Chu, when you get back, you must eat it early,” He Yan said. “Otherwise, in Jiyang weather, it will melt quickly.” She had bought a phoenix-shaped one for herself and had already eaten it. “I’ve tried it, it tastes pretty good, not too sweet.”
Chu Zhao smiled gently, “Thank you, Ah He. I will be careful when I get back.”
Only then did He Yan relax.
After buying the sugar sculptures, they walked back along the riverbank, and during the moments of silence, He Yan occasionally asked about Xu Zhiheng.
“Brother Chu, how was it last time when you went back for a friend’s wedding? Was it lively?”
Chu Zhao paused for a moment, then smiled and replied, “Yes, it was very lively. After all, it was Flying Phoenix General’s sister, and even the Crown Prince personally attended to offer his congratulations.”
This answer made He Yan somewhat suspicious. The Crown Prince? Did the Crown Prince attend Xu Zhiheng’s wedding for Xu Zhiheng, for He Rurui, or for both? Was there a plot between the He and Xu families, and did the Crown Prince know her identity?
“However…” Chu Zhao continued, “Lord Xu is deeply in love with his late wife. He even shed tears during the wedding banquet.”
He Yan exclaimed, “Oh?”
Her expression clearly showed her disbelief, and Chu Zhao found it somewhat amusing. “What’s wrong? Do you not believe that there are deeply affectionate men in this world?”
He Yan thought to herself that she certainly believed there were deeply affectionate men in this world, like her father, He Sui, who had raised two children on his own after the death of his wife. Miss He, who was so spoiled, was doted on by He Sui just because she resembled her late mother. This proved that there were people in the world who loved deeply and without regret. However, that person could be anyone, but it would definitely not be Xu Zhiheng.
“It’s not that I don’t believe,” He Yan concealed her sarcasm and said, “It’s just that if he’s like that, wouldn’t his newlywed wife be angry?”
“The current Madam Xu is very kind and pure at heart. When she saw Lord Xu upset, she also had tears in her eyes,” Chu Zhao said. “Not only did she not get angry, but she also empathized with him. It moved Flying Phoenix General and the other members of the He family. So, even though it was lively, this wedding banquet was tinged with some sadness.”
He Yan felt that of all the jokes she had heard this year, what Chu Zhao was saying now was the funniest. The He family members would be sad and mournful for her sake? Even the pigs in the pigsty would feel insulted by that statement. But Chu Zhao’s expression when talking about this matter clearly indicated that most people thought this way.
Having done a bad deed, they had to put on a pitiful appearance as if they were the rare, compassionate souls in the world, which was truly nauseating.
“Ah He, it seems you don’t quite agree with what I just said?” Chu Zhao noticed her expression.
He Yan smiled and said, “It’s nothing, I just find Lord Xu quite interesting.”
“What do you mean?”
“If it’s truly a deep affection and he can’t forget his late wife, even if the Emperor personally arranged his marriage, he could still refuse it. After all, he’s a man,” He Yan quipped, “If it were a woman, not having control over one’s marital destiny is common. Brother Chu, have you heard of women who resort to forceful marriages or become prostitutes against their will? Have you ever heard of a woman doing such things?”
“Based on what you just said, Lord Xu seems like a weak woman forced into marriage, and his new wife seems like the evil one who forced him into it. What does that imply? If he doesn’t want to get married, no one can drag him to the wedding. If he doesn’t want to consummate the marriage, can the new Madam Xu force him? If he continues to be obsessed with his ‘late wife’ in the future, how will the new Madam Xu cope? I think it’s unfair to her, and your friend, Brother Chu, seems somewhat hypocritical.”
She was blunt in her words. He Yan and He Xinying shared the same father, and even though He Yan despised her family, He Xinying hadn’t done anything to her. He Yan couldn’t love her, but she also couldn’t hate her; she simply regarded her as a stranger.
To anyone with a clear mind, upon hearing about this situation, it would be clear that Xu Zhiheng was in the wrong. The He family had already ruined one life, and now they were sacrificing another.
How heartless and absurd.
Chu Zhao was momentarily stunned, then suddenly laughed. He stopped walking and bowed to He Yan, saying, “I apologize for my narrow-mindedness. Perhaps it’s because you, Brother He, are a woman, and you can empathize from a woman’s perspective.”
“It’s not about empathizing with them; it’s that no one ever thinks about standing in their shoes.”
“Ah He, you’re quite different from ordinary women.”
He Yan looked at him and asked, “How am I different?”
Chu Zhao continued to walk ahead, his voice still soft, “Most women, even when facing such predicaments, have long become numb and indifferent. They don’t think as much as you do. Right now, you’re considering on their behalf, but it’s highly likely that they are content with the situation and may even resent your interference.”
He Yan smiled and said, “Brother Chu, your words sound a bit condescending.”
Chu Zhao’s smile paused for a moment. “Why do you say that?”
“The court is a realm of men, the world’s major affairs are men’s major affairs, even in reading and going to the battlefield, it’s men who get all the credit. People praise men as heroes, while the most praise women can hope for is being called beautiful. It’s truly unreasonable. Men have all the advantages in the world, yet they turn around and blame women for being indifferent and lacking ambition. Isn’t that a bit condescending?”
“Brother Chu, you think I’m different from ordinary women because I’ve been educated, I’ve left my home, and I’ve even defied convention by entering the military camp. There aren’t many women like me in the world. But if you were to expose those women to the experiences I’ve had, if they saw the snow of Liangzhou Garrison, the waters of Jiyang City, the vast desert and its long moon, the rivers and mountains, do you think they would still be content being confined to the jealousy and rivalry of their homes? Would they still be complacent and apathetic?”
He Yan smiled, and at this moment, her smile carried a hint of mockery, strangely resembling Xiao Jue: “I see that men in this world are worried about this, so they have established many absurd rules to restrain women, using the Three Obediences and Four Virtues to clip their wings, and using those ‘virtuous wives and beautiful women’ standards to judge them. The more ignorant they are, the more men can relax. Clearly, they are the ones causing it, but they still say, ‘Look, women are shallow!'”
“Because they also know that once women have the opportunity to ‘choose,’ they will never be content to be a vase waiting for their husbands to feed them. Those outstanding women will become generals, heroes, scholars, advisers, and compete with them for glory in the world, and they may not necessarily win.”
In the girl’s eyes, there was a clearness like the spring water in Jiyang City, transparent and pure, allowing one to see things clearly, clean and translucent, as if it could reflect the most brilliant sunlight.
Chu Zhao was momentarily stunned. Normally eloquent and able to maintain a comfortable atmosphere, he didn’t know what to say at this moment. It seemed that anything he said wouldn’t be able to refute the person before him. It was a laughable, presumptuous, naive sense of self-righteousness that could cast shadows even in the brightest of places.
He Yan was also dissatisfied.
Playing the role of “He Rufei”, although it had brought her a lot of pain in her life, at the same time, it had exposed her to many experiences that most women would never see. If she hadn’t pretended to be “He Rufei,” she wouldn’t have known that there were so many things that men could do compared to women. If you were talented, you could become a scholarly scholar, and if you were skilled, you could become a renowned general. Even if you were average in everything, you could still be an ordinary person on the street. To put it bluntly, even in a brothel, women were courtesans, while men were clients.
It was only because she later became “Madam Xu” and had experiences as both a man and a woman that she understood how differently men and women were treated in the world. Men weren’t free from hardship, but their hardships could become the foundation for self-improvement. Women’s hardships, on the other hand, were all about waiting for the approval of men throughout their lives.
Both were human beings; who was nobler than the other? It was ridiculous that some men looked down on women from the bottom of their hearts, leaving people speechless.
She finished speaking in one breath and realized that Chu Zhao hadn’t said anything for a while. She thought to herself, maybe she had offended him with those words?
But upon further thought, if she had offended him, so be it. After all, he had no strength to fight back, and even in a physical fight, he couldn’t win against her.
“Brother Chu, what I just said was a bit rash,” He Yan said with a smile. “I hope you won’t take offense at my impoliteness.”
“Never,” Chu Zhao looked into her eyes, his gaze carrying a strange hue. “Ah He’s heart is admirable, and I am humbled in comparison. I will never speak such nonsense as I did today in the future. Ah He’s words, I will always keep them in my heart.”
Chu Zhao was truly gracious. Despite her barrage of words just now, he remained as gentle as a spring breeze.
He Yan smiled and said, “Then let’s continue on our way.”
Chu Zhao nodded and smiled in response.
The two continued on their way back to the Cui residence. He Yan lowered her head and sighed quietly in her heart.
Chu Zhao and Xiao Jue were indeed different. When it came to dealing with women, both thought women were vulnerable and needed protection. However, in the former’s judgment, there was a hint of negation and condescension, while the latter, based on how they treated the female corpse in the Sun family’s backyard in Liangzhou City, showed more compassion.
For those who lead, they should be upright, courageous, but even more important is a heart that pities the weak.
…
By the time He Yan and Chu Zhao returned, it was already late. Chu Zhao’s residence was a bit farther from He Yan’s. When they reached the door, Chu Zhao said, “Ah He, you should get some rest early today.”
“Brother Chu, remember to eat the sugar sculpture early,” He Yan still cared about his flower basket candy painting and reminded him.
He looked at the flower basket in his hand, shook his head, and smiled, “I will, for sure.”
He Yan watched him leave and was about to turn back to her room. When she turned around, she saw someone standing in the corridor, in the little pavilion, looking at her with a smile. Dressed in white and elegant, it was none other than Liu Buwang.
“Master, you haven’t rested yet?” He Yan walked over and asked. These days, she rarely saw Liu Buwang at night.
“Just came out for some fresh air,” Liu Buwang looked at her. “Did you go to buy sugar sculptures?”
He Yan nodded, “Fourth Young Master Chu helped me conceal my identity, and after some thought, I decided to give him something. We shouldn’t take people for granted; this way he wouldn’t want to spread my secret everywhere. sugar sculptures in Jiyang City are quite cheap. I gave him the most expensive one, which would cost at least ten wen in Shuojing, but here it’s only eight wen. It’s a good value.”
Liu Buwang smiled and looked at her, saying, “Ah He, you seem more lively now compared to before.”
He Yan was momentarily surprised.
The last time she met Liu Buwang in her past life was during her most difficult period. She had just escaped from the stable days in Shuojing and arrived in the harsh and brutal military camp. She carried many secrets with her, so she acted cautiously. Even when she was with Liu Buwang on the mountain, she rarely showed her carefree side. Most of the time, she tried not to cause trouble for anyone.
Now that she thought about it, it seemed that she had gradually let go of many things without realizing it. For example, today she went out with Chu Zhao to buy sugar sculptures, something that was impossible in the past.
Was it because she was now a woman, or because she no longer had the constraints of the He family and could do as she pleased without worrying that her secret would be exposed beneath her mask?
“Is this new way of life not good?” He Yan said cheerfully, “It’s not always necessary to be so serious.”
Liu Buwang replied, “This is very good.”
When he said this, there was a hint of melancholy in his expression, and he seemed lost in thought. He Yan wanted to ask but swallowed her words when she saw Liu Buwang’s calm gaze.
Liu Buwang seemed somewhat saddened.
The moon on a spring day wasn’t as bright as in autumn, but it had a hazy and lovely charm. Liu Buwang’s gaze fell on the slight curve of his little disciple’s mouth, and another figure came to his mind.
Mu Hongjin.
Back then, Mu Hongjin was just like this, with clear and bright eyes, occasionally displaying a hint of cleverness. Her red dress was charming, always embroidered with flowers and birds at the hem, delicate and graceful. Young girls often wore two long braids, and the braids were adorned with silver bells. When she walked, the bells made a pleasant jingling sound. Sometimes, before she even approached, the sound of the bells signaled her arrival.
At that time, he had this tagalong by his side every day, which was truly annoying. He had told her many times that he wished they could go their separate ways, and every time Mu Hongjin’s mouth would quiver, on the verge of tears. Even though he had a heart as tough as iron, he was not good at dealing with a girl’s tears. So every time, she easily resolved the issue, and in the end, he had tacitly accepted that this person was like a sticky toffee he couldn’t get rid of, allowing her to cause trouble for himself.
Mu Hongjin knew how to enjoy life. She clearly had a lot of money, but it would be spent in less than half a month. At that time, Liu Buwang didn’t know that Mu Hongjin was the beloved daughter of Mengji Wang. He despised her extravagant lifestyle, while she didn’t care how he perceived her. She enjoyed her life of luxury and wanted him to join in.
Half a month later, Mu Hongjin’s money was gone, and she had to eat humble food with Liu Buwang.
They stayed at an inn, with the simplest accommodation, and ate plain meals. With no money for buying small trinkets on the street, Mu Hongjin protested, “Young Hero, can’t we have a nice meal?”
“We can’t.”
Liu Buwang had little money. The seven disciples of Yunji Daoist went down the mountain for training, which they claimed was to gain experience in the secular world. In reality, it was more about experiencing the mundane aspects of life. As for their daily work, his senior brothers would receive various tasks that paid a bit. To put it plainly, they took people’s money to help resolve their troubles. However, their sect had strict rules against engaging in wrongdoing or profiteering. Therefore, most of the time, they ended up doing things like helping a tenant of a local farm find lost sheep or delivering secret letters for newlyweds. The pay was meager, and sometimes they even had to help people write letters – they accepted any task that came their way.
A young man in a plain white robe walking with a lost sheep along a path in a village seemed somewhat comical. Mu Hongjin teased him, “What kind of sect are you from? Why are you doing all these odd jobs? You should follow me, I…”
“What about you?” Liu Buwang asked, not in a good mood.
Mu Hongjin retorted, “I… I can pay you more than he does!”
Liu Buwang was exasperated.
But that’s how it is. After all, he hasn’t completed the task given to him by his senior brother. Because he’s only doing these small things, the money he earns is meager. If he were alone, it would be fine, but now that Mu Hongjin is with him, they’ve spent all their money. Two people instead of one, the inn, meals… struggling to make ends meet, he wished they could split a coin to two to spend.
It’s evident that Mu Hongjin is also trying her best to adapt to this rugged life. She made a fuss for a few days, but when she saw that Liu Buwang was genuinely getting a little annoyed, she didn’t dare to say anything more. She honestly lived a simple life with Liu Buwang.
But her habit of wanting to buy everything she sees deep down inside hasn’t changed.
Liu Buwang still remembered one day when they were at a teahouse outside Jiyang City, they encountered an old woman selling flowers. In front of the old woman were two bamboo baskets and a bamboo pole, and the baskets were filled with wild chrysanthemums. Delicate and lovely, in light pink and white. They were also very cheap, probably picked directly from the foothills of Qiyun Mountain.
Mu Hongjin leaned in to take a look, and the old woman, seeing her, said, “Young sir, buy a flower for the young lady to wear.”
“No need.”
“Okay!”
Both of them spoke at the same time, and Liu Buwang warned Mu Hongjin with a look. Mu Hongjin pouted in frustration. The old woman, on the other hand, smiled and picked a flower from the bamboo basket to give to Mu Hongjin. “The girl looks beautiful, so this flower is for you. Wear it on your head, it’ll be very pretty!”
Mu Hongjin happily accepted it, her words sweet, and she gratefully said, “Thank you, Granny!”
Since that was the case, Liu Buwang couldn’t just leave directly, so he took a coin from his sleeve and handed it to the old woman.
“No, no,” the old woman looked at him with a smiling face. “The girl is lovely, and this old lady likes her. Just treat her well in the future.”
Liu Buwang turned away, and Mu Hongjin, now holding the flower, put it on her ear, asking Liu Buwang, “Does it look good?”
Liu Buwang, feeling uncomfortable, said, “It has nothing to do with me.”
Mu Hongjin gave him a glare, then squatted down on her own and looked at the cosmetics in the basket on the pole. After a while, she picked out a silver bracelet, exclaiming, “This one looks really nice!”
It was a simple silver bracelet, seemingly roughly polished by someone, with even the edges not very smooth. However, what made it stand out was the lifelike carving of a circle of wild chrysanthemums on the bracelet, making it look fresh and adorable.
“This one is really nice!” Mu Hongjin praised.
“This is called the ‘Yuexin Bracelet,’ and it was carved by this old lady and her husband together,” the old woman smiled and said, “Give one to your sweetheart to wear on their hand, and you’ll never be apart for a lifetime. Young sir, why not buy one for the young lady? A long and happy life together.”
“Did you hear that, Hero Liu?” Mu Hongjin pleaded, “Hurry and get one for me!”
Liu Buwang looked at her coldly, snatched the silver bracelet from her hand, and placed it back in the bamboo basket before saying to the old woman, “She is not my sweetheart.”
A hint of disappointment flashed in Mu Hongjin’s eyes, and she didn’t reach for the silver bracelet again. She muttered, “How do you know I’m not your sweetheart?”
How did he know?
Indeed, how did he know?
When you’re young and proud, you don’t understand how happiness in youth sneaks in quietly, and when you finally realize it, it’s already overwhelming, and there’s no escaping it.
Many years later, Liu Buwang often thought, what if on that day he had bought the silver bracelet in front of Mu Hongjin, put it on her wrist, would they have ended up where they did later? Would they have stayed together for a lifetime, as the old woman had said, never to part?
But it was funny for him to believe in strange forces and fate.
Moonlight spilled onto the ground, leaving a layer of white frost. The sound of the bell in his memory gradually faded away, and what remained in his ears was the sound of the wind from Jiyang City, separated by many years, lonely and cold, chilling the heart.
“Do you like Xiao Jue?”
Out of the blue, a voice interrupted He Yan’s contemplation. He Yan turned in surprise to see Liu Buwang looking at her, a knowing smile in his eyes, as he repeated, “Ah He, do you like Xiao Jue?”
“…No,” He Yan instinctively denied, then after a moment, she asked, “Why would Master say that?”
“Haven’t you noticed,” Liu Buwang calmly said, “when you’re with him, you’re very relaxed. You trust him more than you trust me.”
He Yan was stunned. Did she?
Maybe she did. Whether in her past life or this one, the image of Xiao Jue in her heart might have been full of misunderstandings, whether it was his aloofness or his harshness. But from beginning to end, she never doubted that Xiao Jue would hurt her. He Yan, who seemed laid-back about everything, always maintained a sense of vigilance deep down. This vigilance wouldn’t fade when facing the former Liu Buwang, nor when facing Xu Zhiheng, nor when facing He Rufei, and it even persisted when dealing with the powerless He Sui father and son.
But she always trusted Xiao Jue.
“What makes you so relaxed now is not time or experience; it’s him,” Liu Buwang’s voice was gentle. “Ah He, are you going to deny it?”
He Yan remained silent.
After a while, she looked up at the moon hanging in the room, a large and bright moon, casting a silver light over the entire courtyard, gently watching over the people of the night.
“Master, look at the moon in the sky,” she began slowly. “It can shine its light on the backyard of a wealthy family and the ditches of desolate fields. But you can’t catch it, can you?”
“I can’t grasp the moon, nor can I make the moon come for me. So, I stand here, gazing at it from afar.”
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Thank you for translating this amazing chapter! It’s nice to see He Yan let loose her thoughts. He Yan loves the moon, she just doesn’t realize the moon shines for her.