By the end of December, the wind howled and snow raged, blanketing even the stone stele at Ba Bridge until it was nearly invisible.
Despite the bitter cold, the curtains of the first two carriages were lifted, their windows thrown open.
The chill wind and snowflakes poured in, but Shen Hui’s face was full of joy. “Wonderful! Auspicious snow promises a good harvest. Our whole family reunited—this is a blessed snow indeed!”
Madam Li, who used to hate snowy days, now looked at the boundless white with tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips. “In past years, I saw snow often enough and thought nothing of it. But today—it truly looks like shattered jade upon crystal branches. So beautiful.”
In the last carriage, since there were children inside, only half a window was opened.
Shen Guangting gazed at the wintry scene outside, filled with countless emotions, yet not knowing how to put them into words.
His youngest daughter, Ah Yu, who had just turned six last month, nestled in his arms and poked out her fluffy head to look outside. “What big snowflakes!”
Her two-year-old brother, Ah Jin, tugged at their father’s arm, copying her. “I wanna see too! Daddy, Ah Jin wants to see!”
“You little rascal,” Shen Guangting chuckled, lifting the boy up. “Go on, look.”
Ah Jin’s bright black eyes widened. “The sky’s raining goose feathers! So many goose feathers!”
“Silly brother,” Ah Yu corrected him. “That’s snow.”
Ah Jin had gained awareness only after they moved to the perpetually hot and humid southern lands, where it never snowed. To him, this was a wondrous novelty.
“Snow looks just like goose feathers,” he said, reaching out a hand to touch it.
Madam Xu gently cautioned, “Don’t touch, or you’ll catch a chill.”
Then she looked down at the quiet child in her lap. “Ping’an, do you want to see the snow?”
Little Ping’an, barely a year and a half old, shook his head. “Auntie, wind’s cold. Don’t wanna see.”
Madam Xu smiled tenderly, patting his head. “All right, then. Let’s keep sleeping, little one.”
This child had joined their party when they passed through Jinling on the return journey.
The Pei family’s steward who came to meet them had explained that the child’s parents had once done Yuniang a great kindness. Yuniang had brought him all the way to Jinling, but when Pei Shouzhen later returned to Chang’an, she had decided to leave the boy there for the time being, as he was too young to endure a long journey. They had planned to fetch him once he was older.
Since the Shen family happened to be returning as well, they brought him along and looked after him on the way.
Having been a mother herself, Madam Xu felt particular pity for the orphaned Ping’an. She kept him in her own carriage, letting the children keep each other company—it made the journey livelier too.
Now, as she gazed at the pure white world outside, a bittersweet joy welled up in her heart.
She had never thought there would come a day when the whole family could return to Chang’an.
When they were exiled, she had truly believed she would die on the road—or in the southern heat.
Turning back, Shen Guangting saw tears glimmering in his wife’s eyes. “We’re all home now. Why cry?”
Ah Yu exclaimed, “Mama, why are you crying?”
Her mother laughed through her tears. “Because I’m happy, dear. We’re going home at last—my heart’s full of joy.”
Just then, the coachman’s cheerful shout came from outside. “Master Shen! Madam! That’s our young master’s carriage ahead!”
In the front carriage, Shen Hui and Madam Li also saw, not far away, a pair of figures standing in the snow—refined and graceful, like a sculpture carved of jade.
“It’s Shouzhen and Yuniang!”
“My child!” Madam Li’s tears flowed before she even reached them.
When the two sides finally met, Shen Yujiao could no longer contain her longing. She slipped free from Pei Xia’s supporting hand and rushed forward. “Father! Mother!”
After nearly three years apart, seeing their daughter now dressed as a married woman, Shen Hui and his wife were overwhelmed with emotion.
Madam Li and Shen Yujiao embraced and wept together, while Shen Hui looked on with deep affection—first at his daughter, then at the dignified young man holding an umbrella beside her.
Pei Xia handed his umbrella to a servant, straightened his robe, and swept his sleeves before bowing deeply to the two elders. “Father-in-law, Mother-in-law, please accept this bow from your son-in-law, Pei Xia.”
Faced with such a refined and elegant son-in-law, Shen Hui could not hide his satisfaction and affection. “Shouzhen, please rise, quickly.”
Madam Li wiped her tears with her sleeve and nodded to her son-in-law, a little embarrassed. “Shouzhen, there’s no need for such formality. You have done our entire family an immeasurable kindness—it should be us bowing to you.”
Pei Xia lifted his gaze. “Mother-in-law, you flatter me. You are Yuniang’s dearest kin, and thus also mine. A family supporting one another—this is only right and proper. Please, do not speak as though we were strangers.”
Seeing his respectful and humble manner, without a hint of arrogance from his past deeds, Madam Li felt all the more pleased.
She took Shen Yujiao’s hand, smiling through her tears. “Our Yuniang must have cultivated great virtue in her past life, to be blessed with such a good husband in this one.”
For a moment, Shen Yujiao looked uneasy.
She lowered her eyes and said nothing in reply.
Madam Li took her silence for shyness and thought nothing of it.
Shen Guangting had also gotten out of the carriage. He came over to greet his sister and brother-in-law, then said with a smile to Shen Yujiao, “Your sister-in-law wanted to come down too, but with three children in the carriage, she has to stay and look after them.”
Shen Yujiao nodded. “The weather outside is freezing—better not let them come down. Once we’re back at the manor, we’ll have plenty of time to talk.”
Hearing that, Shen Guangting gave his sister another look. “Our Yuniang truly has grown up.”
Shen Yujiao lifted her chin. “I’ve never been that young, really.”
Though they had been apart for years, as soon as the siblings exchanged a few words, the easy, teasing familiarity of childhood returned between them.
Shen Guangting looked at the mischievous sparkle in her beautiful eyes and said fondly, “Yes, you’ve grown up—and your elder brother has grown old.”
The years of exile in the harsh southern lands had worn them down—though only three years had passed, the Shen family looked as if they had aged by ten.
A sting of emotion pricked Shen Yujiao’s nose.
Just then, Pei Xia said at the right moment, “It’s cold out here. Let’s get back in the carriages and continue talking at home.”
The Shens all agreed.
Shen Yujiao turned to him. “May I ride with Father and Mother?”
Pei Xia understood she had much she wished to say to them and replied, “Of course.”
Shen Hui also wanted to talk to his daughter, but thinking it would be impolite to leave his son-in-law alone, said instead, “I’ll ride with Shouzhen. I can also ask him about recent matters in court.”
Thus, on the way back: Shen Hui and Pei Xia shared one carriage, Shen Yujiao rode with Madam Li, and Shen Guangting and his wife remained with their three children.
Traveling in the snow was difficult, and by the time they arrived at the Pei residence, it was already dusk.
The estate had been cleaned and polished days in advance. With the New Year approaching, red lanterns hung high, and new potted plants decorated the courtyards—it was all bright with festive renewal.
Although the residence arranged for the Shen family was already prepared, the couple decided that it would be better for them to stay at the Pei manor for a few days and move to their new home after New Year’s Eve.
That night, the usually quiet Pei household was filled with warmth and laughter.
Shen Yujiao wanted, as before, to sleep beside her mother, but Madam Li pinched her cheek and chided with a laugh, “You’re a mother yourself now. How can you still act like a child? Whatever you want to say can wait until tomorrow.”
Catching sight of Pei Xia drinking with Shen Hui and her son, Madam Li shook her head. “Your father and brother have no restraint. I told them on the way here not to drink too much tonight, but they only pretended to agree—they never listen.”
Shen Yujiao smiled indifferently. “They’re happy—it’s rare to have a reunion like this. Let them drink. It’s the holiday anyway, no court tomorrow.”
Madam Li sighed. “I’m not worried about them—I’m worried Shouzhen will drink too much, and you’ll have to take care of him tonight.”
Shen Yujiao blinked. “Ah?”
Madam Li lightly tapped her forehead. “What do you mean ‘ah’? Remember to give him some hangover soup before bed, you hear?”
Shen Yujiao forced a laugh. “I know.”
But inwardly she groaned—how could she have forgotten?
When a son-in-law visited his in-laws’ home for the first time, even if the couple’s feelings had long cooled, for propriety’s sake, the husband would always spend the night in his wife’s quarters.
And Pei Xia had been gentle and attentive all evening, moving and speaking with perfect courtesy.
As for her—she’d been reminded several times by her mother and sister-in-law already: “Shouzhen treats you so well. How can you be so cold toward him? Don’t let your husband’s heart grow cold, too.”
Shen Yujiao had no words in reply.
That faint wildfire of hope that had once flickered in her heart seemed to wane again, shrinking smaller and smaller, until only a dim spark remained—fragile, wavering, nearly extinguished.
When the banquet ended that night, she returned to the rear courtyard with Pei Xia, who was slightly drunk.
After they bathed, she lay down first.
The silver-red bed curtains were drawn. Lying on her side, Shen Yujiao stared blankly at the orchid patterns embroidered on the fabric.
So in the end, I lost after all, she thought.
Then what was the point of all this quiet resistance between us?
She felt like a powerless ant, waving tiny fists against a mountain—unable to move it, only to be crushed by its weight, again and again.
She had no strength left to fight. Perhaps… this was simply her fate.
Her thoughts churned until, suddenly, the bed curtains lifted slightly, letting in a faint glow.
Pei Xia looked at his wife’s slender back, her slight trembling betraying that she was still awake.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and said quietly, after a pause, “If your heart is still unsettled, I can sleep in the outer room.”
The person lying on the couch didn’t move, nor made a sound.
Pei Xia’s eyes dimmed slightly.
After a pause, his thin lips tugged faintly. “Then make the arrangements.”
He was just about to rise when a tremulous voice came from behind him, suppressed but trembling: “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Pei Xia froze mid-motion and turned to look at her. “Why would you say that?”
“Isn’t it true?”
Shen Yujiao’s voice was low; she didn’t turn around. “You, Aunt, and Qiao Momo—all of you think I’ve lost my senses. That I’ve thrown away a good life, rejected an outstanding husband and child, and instead let myself be bewitched by some good-for-nothing scoundrel, disregarding propriety and shame, insisting on being with him. You all think that, knowing how difficult the road ahead would be, I still chose to wade into this muddy water…”
Pei Xia’s brow furrowed slightly as she continued, her voice muffled but steady.
“But why—why must I walk the road you’ve chosen for me? Since childhood, I’ve always been told what I could or couldn’t do. The books I liked, I wasn’t allowed to read; the things I loved, I wasn’t allowed to do. When it came to marriage, I couldn’t even make my own choice. When I developed feelings for you, you forbade me from getting close. When I restrained myself and didn’t let my heart waver, you turned around and told me that you had feelings for me. Why? Why must I always live by your will? Must I be born only to listen to all of you—to please you, to be your wife?”
“If that was Heaven’s decree, hadn’t I already fulfilled it—being a dutiful daughter-in-law to the Pei family, a proper wife to you? Was I not obedient enough? Not tolerant enough? If such a life had already been decided for me, then I might as well have stayed in the inner residence, living muddle-headedly and uneventfully for the rest of my days.”
Her voice quivered, full of tears. “But why did you have to let me step out of those walls—to show me how vast the world outside could be, to let me see that love between men and women could be so open and sincere? Why did you have to overturn everything I once believed in, only to push me back into that courtyard when I finally gained the courage to choose for myself—to live once again without a choice, only according to your will…”
When Pei Xia reached out to turn her around, her face was already streaked with tears. Her dark eyes were misted with sorrow.
“Brother Shouzhen,” she said, voice trembling, “tell me—why? It’s not fair. I don’t want this kind of love.”
Her tears rolled down, burning into Pei Xia’s heart like firebrands.
Especially when he heard that she had once loved him—only to be pushed away by his own hand.
His chest tightened. Pei Xia drew her into his arms, holding her small, trembling frame. “It was my fault before. I was too slow, too dull, and hurt you deeply. I also failed to see people clearly and didn’t protect you when I should have, causing you to suffer danger… If you resent me or hate me, I deserve it all.”
Shen Yujiao lifted her face from his chest and gazed up at him quietly.
“The foolish one was never you,” he said softly. “It was me.”
Pei Xia’s pale face still carried a faint flush from the wine. His dark eyes, shadowed and deep, rested on her. “If I had realized my feelings for you earlier, I would never have let you suffer such wrongs… Now that your heart belongs to someone else, it’s no one’s fault but mine. I know it’s too late to say this, but still, I want to ask you—if only for the sake of the past, for the child, for our families—please give me another chance.”
He took her hand and pressed it to his face, his narrow eyes shimmering under the dim candlelight, hazy and humble. “This time, I’ll never break your heart again.”
