Song of the Bright Moon Chapter 130

Overnight, Chang’an had a new emperor.

Emperor Chunqing abdicated, and Yan Wang installed the former crown prince, Sima Yu, as the new emperor, changing the reign title to Shunping.

Emperor Chunqing was demoted to the title of Anle Marquis and confined, along with his consorts, in Xingqing Palace under heavy guard.

There were, of course, voices of dissent in court but with Yan Wang and fifty thousand Yanbei soldiers stationed outside the city, who dared to object? Any who did were executed on the spot.

After a few public executions to make an example, Yan Wang invoked the banner of imperial legitimacy:

“The current emperor is both the eldest and the rightful heir. The witchcraft case of years past was a frame-up. Now that the truth is revealed, it is only proper he ascend the throne. Or would you rather let a fratricidal b*stard usurp the seat of heaven?”

That silenced most of the scholars.

After all, they prized the hierarchy of legitimate and illegitimate sons, of elders and juniors. The former crown prince might be weak and mediocre, but he was undeniably the rightful heir.

And so, after half a month of unrest, the fourth year of Chunqing became the first year of Shunping.

Ten days later, news of Chang’an’s new emperor reached Wenxi County.

When Shen Yujiao received the news, the monks from Tongbei Temple were still performing the Water and Land Ritual for Pei Xia in the mourning hall at the front courtyard.

“Sigh, who would’ve thought Yan Wang harbored such wolfish ambition? And that General Xie too, he didn’t show a hint of it before us that day, not a trace that he’d been plotting such treason behind everyone’s back.”

After hearing of the upheaval in Chang’an, Madam Li clutched her chest in fright. “Thank goodness our whole family and your uncle’s family too came to Wenxi for the funeral. If they had stayed in Chang’an, who knows, they might’ve been at that palace banquet that day. I just worry about your grandfather. At a time like this, may he not be so stubborn as to go against Yan Wang.”

Shen Yujiao comforted her. “Don’t worry, Mother. I’ve heard only a few families were imprisoned this time. It hasn’t caused much turmoil. Grandfather is getting old, he must understand the wisdom of self-preservation.”

Madam Li made no comment, only muttering softly, “I wonder if Yan Wang will return to Yanbei now.”

What she truly wanted to ask was whether that Xie Wuling would leave.

In her heart, she fervently wished that fearsome man would go and the sooner the better. The way he looked at her daughter was far too worrying. If he relied on his power to force her into marrying him, what could they possibly do?

Those men from Yanbei were all ruthless warriors; reason would never work on them.

Madam Li silently prayed to the Bodhisattva that Xie Wuling would leave quickly, far, far away, and never again disturb her daughter’s peaceful life.

However, seven days later, Xie Wuling appeared openly at the Pei residence gates, bearing lavish offerings for the deceased.

Having rendered great service in supporting the new emperor’s ascension, he had now been enfeoffed as Zhenbei Wang, the first non-imperial prince of the dynasty.

The moment he arrived, no one in the Pei household dared show the slightest neglect. Second Master Pei, Third Master Pei, and all the Pei sons came out together to greet him.

After exchanging a few polite words, Xie Wuling proceeded to the mourning hall.

When he saw Shen Yujiao dressed in plain mourning garments, standing there with Di Ge’er beside her, the pride and satisfaction in his chest cooled somewhat.

He reminded himself, this was the Pei clan of Wenxi, not the court of Chang’an.

He must be respectful.

He composed his expression, slowed his steps, and greeted her with formality: “Madam.”

When Shen Yujiao had first heard news of the change in the capital, she had already guessed that Xie Wuling would come.

And indeed—she had guessed right.

Though he wore a dark, modest robe today, his jade belt, gold coronet, and the attendants at his sides all made clear that he was no longer the man he once was, his rank now noble and his status exalted.

She curtsied gracefully. “Greetings to Zhenbei Wang.”

Di Ge’er, wearing mourning cloth himself, wanted to approach Xie Wuling affectionately, but followed his mother’s example and bowed properly. “Greetings to Zhenbei Wang.”

Xie Wuling instinctively wanted to reach out to help him up, but restrained himself for propriety’s sake.

“Madam, there’s no need for such formality,” he said softly. Then he raised a hand and gently ruffled Di Ge’er’s hair. “Your father and I were comrades who lived and died together. You may call me Uncle Xie, as before, no need to be so distant.”

The boy turned to his mother.

Shen Yujiao lowered her lashes but did not object.

Only then did Di Ge’er correct himself and call sweetly, “Uncle Xie.”

“That’s better.”

Xie Wuling smiled in satisfaction, bent down to take the boy’s hand, and looked at Shen Yujiao. “Madam, will you take me to offer him three sticks of incense?”

Shen Yujiao gave him a brief glance. “Please, follow me.”

She turned and led the way inside.

Xie Wuling looked at the Pei brothers and cousins who still lingered nearby. “You all may go about your business. I’d like to pay my respects to Pei Shouzhen quietly.”

Since he said so, none of them dared argue and withdrew.

The mourning hall was draped in white. On the central altar stood a black lacquered memorial tablet, the air heavy with sandalwood incense, deepening the solemn stillness.

Shen Yujiao lit three sticks of incense and handed them to Xie Wuling. “Your Highness, please.”

Normally, hearing others address him that way pleased him but coming from her lips, it only made him uneasy.

As he took the incense, he glanced at her delicate, pale profile and said quietly, “Why don’t you call me Xie Wuling instead or by my courtesy name? I have one now—Guian. My adoptive father gave it to me.”

Shen Yujiao looked at him once and said calmly, “You should offer the incense first.”

Xie Wuling immediately behaved, holding the incense reverently as he stepped forward and bowed three times toward the ebony tablet.

As the incense smoke curled upward, his eyes lingered on the carved words “Memorial of the Honorable Pei Xia, Duke Wenzheng.” A trace of melancholy stirred in his heart.

Pei Xia… Pei Shouzhen.

If he’d had a choice, he would’ve preferred it were Pei Shouzhen who’d survived that day.

“You really weren’t a good man,” Xie Wuling murmured under his breath. “You get to leave behind a spotless name, admired for generations, while abandoning them, your wife and child. You could really bear to do that?”

Standing nearby, Shen Yujiao couldn’t make out his muttering, but she guessed he was grumbling at Pei Xia.

Those two had always been like this, quarreling whenever they met. Even in death, they’d probably still argue.

When the incense offering was done, Xie Wuling took Di Ge’er’s hand and began asking question after question in his usual lively way.

Di Ge’er quickly realized that this Uncle Xie was nothing like the fierce, ruthless man others described. Even as a prince, he had no arrogance about him, he was as gentle as before.

So, whatever Xie Wuling asked, the boy answered honestly, recounting everything that had happened in Wenxi over the past month.

Hearing that mother and son had been safe and well, Xie Wuling finally exhaled in quiet relief.

Straightening up again, he looked at Shen Yujiao. “It’s quite a hot day today, after saying just a few words, my mouth’s already gone dry. May I ask Madam for a cup of tea?”

Meeting his gaze, Shen Yujiao immediately knew he had come today to ask for an answer.

“Wangye jests. You are a guest, of course we must offer proper hospitality.”

She stepped aside. “Please, move next door to the waterside pavilion.”

Just as she was about to call to Di Ge’er, Xie Wuling was a step ahead of her, scooping the boy into his arms. “How about Di Ge’er shows uncle the way?”

Di Ge’er chirped, “Okay!”

“Let’s go then!” Xie Wuling strode forward with the child in his arms, laughing as he said, “Haven’t seen you in half a year, and you’ve gotten heavier again.”

“Of course! I eat lots every day. Grandmother says if I eat more, I’ll grow up faster!”

The man and boy chatted and laughed as they went.

Shen Yujiao watched them, both amused and helpless. Her gaze drifted sideways toward the ancestral tablets in the mourning hall, dark, solemn and her eyes dimmed again.

“Mother, hurry up!”

Di Ge’er, perched on Xie Wuling’s shoulder, called back to her.

Shen Yujiao came back to herself and answered softly, “Coming.”

April sunlight filtered through the carved windows inlaid with colored glass, falling quietly onto the patterned tiles of the pavilion hall.

Through the curling steam of tea, Xie Wuling looked toward Shen Yujiao seated at the head, and told her about the current situation in Chang’an.

When he finished, Shen Yujiao said, “I have yet to congratulate you on being granted a prince’s title.”

She had originally thought Yan Wang would take the throne, but instead, he had supported the former Crown Prince’s ascension and Xie Wuling had, in one leap, become a prince of a different surname.

Though his military merits were great, such a title seemed overly generous.

What she did not know was that the late Emperor Shunping had first intended to make Yan Wang regent, but Yan Wang refused, asking instead that the emperor reward Xie Wuling.

The emperor had not pressed the matter, following Yan’s suggestion, granting Xie Wuling a princely title, ten thousand households in fief, and countless mansions and servants besides.

“Madam is too polite,” Xie Wuling said. “A prince’s title is just a name. Without it, I am still Xie Wuling.”

Setting down his teacup, he looked at her. “There’s something you may not know, His Majesty granted me lands not far from Wenxi. On horseback, the round trip takes no more than half a day.”

Shen Yujiao’s fingers froze around her teacup. She raised her eyes, unable to hide her surprise.

Xie Wuling did not look away, his gaze met hers head-on.

Shen Yujiao’s brows knitted slightly. After a moment’s silence, she turned to Bai Ping at her side. “The sun’s fine outside. Take the young master into the courtyard to get some air.”

Having served Shen Yujiao for many years, Bai Ping immediately understood and led Di Ge’er out to the yard.

The attendants in the hall were also dismissed.

Shen Yujiao gripped the armrests of her chair tightly, her brows drawn together. “What exactly are you thinking?”

Xie Wuling replied, “That should be my question to you.”

Shen Yujiao was startled.

With no outsiders left, Xie Wuling’s gaze sharpened; his lowered voice carried a grave weight. “It’s been more than a month now. Even if you still grieve, you must have calmed somewhat. Jiaojiao, you’ve always known what I think but as for what you think…”

His lips pressed together. “That, I’ve never understood.”

Seeing the flicker of sorrow in his eyes, Shen Yujiao’s face softened with guilt.

After a long silence, her voice dropped. “Xie Wuling, I am merely a widow with a child. And you… you now hold rank and power.”

“I told you ‘Prince’ is just a title. In front of you, I am still the same Xie Wuling as before.”

His dark brows furrowed; his handsome face unusually solemn. “As for whether you have a child, or whether you are a widow, you know well I’ve never cared about that.”

The only thing he cared about was that she was Shen Yujiao.

All other identities meant nothing to him.

Just as his own titles — ruffian, general, prince — meant nothing to her. When she had agreed to marry him, it had been to marry Xie Wuling, and no one else.

“Or is it that your heart is still entirely with Pei Shouzhen, and you mean to stay faithful to him for the rest of your life?”

He fixed his eyes on the young widow seated above him. She wore a plain white dress, her black hair coiled high, her only ornament a single delicate silk flower at her temple.

Even so, her beauty shone through, she was in the full bloom of youth, and even in such simple dress, she was dazzling.

Like the peonies bursting forth in this April sunlight, so bright, so tender, so alive. Would she really waste the coming decades of her best years shut away in this deep, silent house, guarding a cold memorial tablet for the rest of her life?

A voice inside Xie Wuling said that was not the Shen Yujiao he knew.

The woman he knew, though born to a noble family, was nothing like those dull, docile ladies of high birth.

He had seen the light in her eyes, the fire in her heart, she was no caged bird, no potted flower.

In her bones, she was like him, wild grass that burns and grows anew with every spring wind.

Only the upbringing of her youth had bound her with an extra layer of duty and restraint.

That was why Xie Wuling loved her, respected her and pitied her.

And pity meant an even greater tenderness.

“If you truly mean to stay faithful to Pei Shouzhen, that’s fine too. Since he’s gone, I’ll just guard you and Di Ge’er in his stead.”

That made Shen Yujiao frown even more deeply. “Don’t be foolish.”

Xie Wuling gave a short laugh. “You’re the one being foolish and you’re telling me?”

Shen Yujiao said, “How am I being foolish?”

Xie Wuling tugged at the corner of his lips. “At least I’m guarding a living person. I can still see you from time to time, talk to you once in a while. But you, you’re guarding a cold, lifeless piece of wood. In a famine, it wouldn’t even make decent firewood to roast a fish. Isn’t that even more foolish than me?”

Shen Yujiao: “…”

She frowned. “That’s a deliberate misdirection, you’re twisting words and talking nonsense.”

Xie Wuling didn’t argue, afraid that if he provoked her too much she wouldn’t agree to see him next time. He only said, “Foolish or not, you know best in your own heart. But I believe, if Pei Shouzhen were still alive, he surely wouldn’t want to see you waste your whole life like this…”

He paused, then muttered uncertainly as he looked toward the sky, “That jealous fellow… was really stingy. But since he was willing to die for you, if he truly loved you, how could he bear to see you wither away for his sake?”

Pei Shouzhen, if you were a real man, don’t make me look down on you from here.

Hearing this, Shen Yujiao thought of the letter Pei Xia had left behind, his divorce letter, and pain flooded her chest.

Seeing her fall silent, and noticing her face go pale, Xie Wuling grew anxious. “Jiaojiao, what’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”

Shen Yujiao pressed a hand to her heart and took two deep breaths before she managed to quell the surge of pain.

When she looked up again, she said quietly, “Xie Wuling, I still can’t let him go.”

“Whenever I think of him, my heart hurts, it hurts so much.”

Xie Wuling’s expression stiffened; he fell silent.

Looking at her pale face and the faint shimmer of tears in her dark eyes, he wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her it was all right, that he understood.

Seven years of marriage, if one could forget so easily, it would be too heartless.

Besides, Pei Shouzhen truly had been a gentleman like jade — graceful, unmatched in all the world.

Not to mention her; even Xie Wuling himself felt deep admiration whenever he thought of him.

“It’s all right, Jiaojiao. Take your time,” he said gently, voice calm but resolute. “I can wait.”

“I’ll wait until you can let him go. Until thinking of him no longer hurts. Until you’re ready to start a new life…”

Shen Yujiao looked at him in astonishment. “Xie Wuling…”

“Three years, five years, ten years — I can wait as long as it takes.”

He added, “Back in Jinling, I told you before, in this lifetime, I only recognize you. You didn’t believe me then. So let’s see, you keep your vigil, I’ll keep mine. Let’s see who lasts longer. Either way, I’m not the one who’s going to lose.”

It was clearly a heartfelt confession, yet he made it sound like a challenge to a duel.

Shen Yujiao felt both sour and amused. “You really are…”

Xie Wuling naturally finished her thought. “Stubborn? I know. Can’t be helped. The old earth god himself witnessed our fated bond, I can’t go deceiving a deity, can I?”

Shen Yujiao couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re not afraid of the King of H*ll, yet you’re afraid of the Earth God?”

“That’s different,” he said solemnly. “The King of H*ll rules life and death, emperors or beggars, everyone meets him in the end. But as for love and marriage, not everyone in this world gets to meet the person they truly love. Most just muddle through life with whoever they end up with.”

He went on, “Before I met you, I thought the same way, I’d find a wife with a nice face, a graceful figure, good hips, someone gentle and considerate. Marry her, have a few kids, and spend my life that way…”

Seeing Shen Yujiao’s face flush and her eyes widen, he gave a small cough and added, “That was before! Men tend to think that way about wives. But after I met you, well, everything changed.”

Her face was just as beautiful as he’d imagined, but her frame was more slender and delicate than he’d expected.

As for being gentle? She glared at him, scolded him and he still felt happy. If she were ever actually gentle to him, he’d probably float straight to heaven.

It turned out that once you met that one person, all former standards and bottom lines  ceased to exist.

If someone had told him before that he’d someday be chasing after a widow with a child, he’d have punched them square in the mouth. Yet now…

“Anyway,” he said with mock gravity, “you just need to know this — I’ll be the reed, you’ll be the rock. The reed may bend like silk, but the rock shall never move.”

Xie Wuling said it with the utmost seriousness, but those peach-blossom eyes of his were naturally full of charm, even his sincerity seemed a little mischievous.

Shen Yujiao turned her face away. “Who told you to twist poetry like that?”

Xie Wuling grinned. “I’ve no talent for writing, so I can only borrow the words of others and make them my own.”

Shen Yujiao: “…”

Truly, only Xie Wuling could be this shameless.

When they finished their tea, Shen Yujiao walked him to the door.

As he was leaving, seeing how fondly he carried Di Ge’er, she couldn’t help but say, “Don’t keep waiting. You’re not young anymore, you should find someone and start a family.”

She truly didn’t know when she would be able to let go of Pei Shouzhen, nor could she give Xie Wuling any promise.

He had already wasted so many years on her; she couldn’t bear the thought of him continuing to wait in vain.

But Xie Wuling just looked at her steadily. “Don’t bother trying to persuade me. If I were someone who listened, I’d have given up back in Jinling.”

Shen Yujiao was left speechless, unsure what else to say.

Xie Wuling lowered his head and pinched Di Ge’er’s cheek. “You make sure to coax your mother into smiling more, all right? A smile takes ten years off, don’t you want your mother to live a long, long life?”

Di Ge’er nodded. “I do!”

Xie Wuling said, “Then coax her more often. Next time Uncle comes to visit, I’ll bring you some fun toys.”

Di Ge’er nodded again. “Okay.”

That day, after sending Xie Wuling off, Di Ge’er was immediately summoned by Madam Wang, while Shen Yujiao was pulled into the room by Madam Li.

Madam Li asked a barrage of questions, but seeing her daughter silent as a gourd, she grew anxious. “What are you really thinking? Don’t tell me you still haven’t given up, that you truly want to be with Xie Wuling? Then what about Shouzhen? What about Di Ge’er? How could you face them?”

Shen Yujiao froze. She lifted her eyes to her mother, confusion welling in her gaze.

It wasn’t just that she had no thoughts of remarriage now, even if, in the future, she truly separated from the Pei family and married another man, how would that mean she had wronged Pei Xia or Di Ge’er?

She had married into the Pei family, not sold herself to it.

Besides, even Pei Xia had written in his letter, wishing her peace and happiness, and that she might find another good match and grow old together.

So why was it that her own mother was now the one to condemn her?

“Mother,” Shen Yujiao said quietly, “do you want me to remain a widow for the rest of my life?”

Madam Li’s reproach stopped abruptly.

When she met her daughter’s clear, steady eyes, her heart gave two startled tremors. She swallowed and said awkwardly, “I… I don’t mean that. It’s just…”

Frowning, Madam Li hesitated, torn and uncertain. “It’s just that women from good families rarely remarry. And you have Di Ge’er, you must think of your child.”

Shen Yujiao’s lips parted slightly.

She wanted to say that the child had already told her—this was her own matter, and as long as she was happy, it was fine.

Why was it that something so simple to a child became so complicated to adults?

She never doubted her son’s love, nor her mother’s but the two kinds of love were so very different.

“Mother, I don’t have such thoughts now,” she said softly. “I’ve already made that clear to Xie Wuling. I can’t let go of Brother Shouzhen yet…”

At that, Madam Li breathed out in relief. “That’s good. I almost thought you’d lost your head.”

Shen Yujiao was quiet for a while before asking, “But if, one day, I do let go, if I no longer wish to live as a widow, would Mother stop me?”

Madam Li was stunned. She stared at her daughter’s young, beautiful face and sighed. “My foolish child.”

She reached out and pulled Shen Yujiao into her arms. “If you truly don’t wish to stay widowed, then come home. Your father and I can support you for a lifetime—it doesn’t matter. As for Di Ge’er…”

She paused in thought. “Keep mourning for a few more years, at least until the child is older. He’s still so young now. Could you really bear to leave him in that old woman’s hands?”

Leaning against her mother’s shoulder, Shen Yujiao felt the warmth of her body, the familiar scent that had always calmed her. After a long silence, she murmured, “Mother, thank you.”

Madam Li blinked, surprised. “Why would you say that?”

Shen Yujiao lowered her gaze, her voice muffled. “I thought… you cared more about Di Ge’er and about reputation than about me.”

Madam Li’s throat closed up.

In that instant, countless memories flashed through her mind, and a pang of guilt she could hardly name rose from her chest.

She knew it was true, years ago, she had used reputation and propriety to restrain and threaten her daughter.

But what else could she have done? To live in this world, one had to follow its rules.

A life lived against those rules was a hard, thorn-strewn path.

As a mother, she naturally wished the best for her children, and with her own life experience, she had tried to guide them along what she believed was the “safest” road.

Perhaps, at times, she had gone against her own heart but still…

“My silly Yuniang,” she said softly. “Of course Mother loves you.”

She held her daughter tightly, resting her chin on the top of Shen Yujiao’s head as she used to when Yuniang was small. Closing her eyes, she sighed. “It’s just that your mother is an ordinary woman, not so clever, not so capable and sometimes, I used the wrong way…”

Can you forgive me?

The words caught in her throat, awkward and heavy, unable to come out.

Shen Yujiao shook her head gently. “Mother, I understand. I understand everything.”

She was a mother now, too.

If one day Di Ge’er chose to walk a “rebellious” path, she would surely be anxious and angry, worried sick—

But would she threaten him with her life?

“Mother,” she said quietly, “children grow up. They have their own paths to walk.”

Sitting up from her mother’s arms, Shen Yujiao looked at her with clear, steady eyes. “We can’t worry for them forever.”

Madam Li gave a bitter smile, touching her cheek. “You don’t understand…”

Shen Yujiao pressed her lips together.

Perhaps. 

But she knew this much, she would not become the kind of mother her mother had been.

That evening, before dinner, Madam Wang suddenly summoned Shen Yujiao to the ancestral hall.

“Madam Shen, kneel.”

Those were the first words Madam Wang spoke when she stepped into that solemn, shadowed place.

Shen Yujiao looked at the frail, bony woman leaning on her cane and asked, “Why must I kneel?”

Madam Wang frowned. “A mother-in-law is instructing her daughter-in-law, how dare you talk back?”

“I only wish to understand,” Shen Yujiao said evenly.

She looked straight at Madam Wang. “If I have done wrong, I ask Mother to enlighten me.”

For a moment, both women fell silent.

It felt strangely familiar, just like that final meeting years ago, also here in the ancestral hall, when she had asked the same question.

Only that time, Pei Xia was still alive, caught miserably between the two of them.

Now that Pei Xia was gone, Shen Yujiao no longer had anything to hold her back.

Her shoulders were straight, her gaze unwavering as she fixed her eyes on Madam Wang.

Madam Wang was provoked by that look and ground out between her teeth, “How insolent—this is the kind of daughter the Shen family raises?”

Shen Yujiao’s expression remained calm, her voice even. “I only ask Mother to clear my doubts.”

Madam Wang gripped her cane, glaring at her with cold eyes. “You’ve got some nerve to speak! My son’s bones are not yet cold, and you’re already entangling yourself with that Zhenbei Wang! Do you have any shame left? Where do you place the Pei family’s face? Do you care nothing for your own Shen family’s reputation?”

“When Zhenbei Wang came today,” Shen Yujiao replied, “our exchanges were all proper and respectful, with not a single step beyond decorum. The servants of the entire courtyard can bear witness. I do not know, Mother, from where you got the notion of this so-called ‘entanglement.’”

“Hah!” Madam Wang sneered. “Don’t think that just because I’ve been in Luoyang these past years, I know nothing of your business with that man surnamed Xie. My son was broad-minded and generous, unwilling to quarrel with a fickle woman like you but that does not mean I will tolerate your shameless behavior right under my eyes!”

Her voice turned sharp as a blade. “Even though you are Di Ge’er’s birth mother, if you will not uphold a woman’s virtue, I can still have you cast out!”

Shen Yujiao’s eyes flickered. She looked at Madam Wang with quiet scrutiny.

The old woman grew uncomfortable under that gaze and snapped, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Shen Yujiao’s tone was soft. “I was only wondering, being cast out… is that such a terrible thing?”

Perhaps, for the sake of the Shen family’s name or Di Ge’er’s, it might be bad. But for herself, it did not seem all that frightening. Being repudiated by her husband’s family did not mean she would die, nor that she could not live on.

Madam Wang was momentarily choked speechless.

After a long pause, her face darkened. “Shameless.”

Shen Yujiao thought to herself, perhaps she had been infected by Xie Wuling.

The closer one draws to cinnabar, the redder one becomes; the closer to ink, the blacker. After one conversation with Xie Wuling, all those rebellious thoughts buried deep within her seemed to have been stirred awake.

“If Mother has summoned her daughter-in-law to kneel here in the ancestral hall because of Zhenbei Wang’s visit,” she said evenly, “then forgive me but I have done nothing wrong, and I will not kneel.”

Her tone was calm, but Madam Wang was furious. “You defy your mother-in-law? This is outright rebellion!”

Shen Yujiao looked at her steadily. “Does Mother think that just because my husband is gone, she can torment me at will?”

Madam Wang fell silent in shock and then Shen Yujiao continued, “Then Mother is mistaken. Perhaps my husband foresaw such a day. Before leaving for war, he left behind a letter of release.”

Madam Wang’s eyes widened. “He… he what—?”

“Was he foolish?”

Shen Yujiao’s lips pressed together; a dull ache spread in her chest again. She quietly tightened her hand. “Yes,” she said softly. “When I saw the letter, I thought so too, that he was foolish.”

It was he who had once said we will share a bed in life and a grave in death.

And yet, in the end, he had changed his mind—willing to part ways.

That very letter of release was what bound her still; every time she thought of it, it tore at her heart.

“I have kept that letter hidden,” she said. “Not even my mother knows of it. You are the second person in this world to know it exists.”

Looking at the stunned Madam Wang, Shen Yujiao continued, “I tell you this not to boast, nor to threaten. Only so that you understand, my staying in the Pei household is not because I cling to the title of Pei family’s wife, but because I still cannot let him go. I choose to remain his wife, to manage this household for him, to raise his child, to tend to his widowed mother, to live alone in his memory and continue my widowhood for his sake.”

“But if one day, I can finally let him go, if I wish to begin a new life, then I will no longer chain myself to the past. I will leave the Pei family, leave this residence.”

She paused briefly, then said, “Whether I remarry or remain alone all my life will depend on my own will, not on your permission.”

Her voice was neither loud nor soft, but in the stillness of the ancestral hall, filled with the spirits of generations of Pei ancestors, her words fell with a clear and ringing weight.

Madam Wang’s face shifted through several shades, trembling with disbelief. “You—you dare speak so outrageously? How dare you? After saying such things, can you still face Shouzhen? Can you face the love he showed you?”

A bitter ache welled up inside Shen Yujiao. She lowered her lashes, smiling faintly through the pain. “It’s precisely because I can’t face him… that I can’t let him go.”

If she had truly been heartless, she would have taken that letter and left long ago.

It was because she had feelings that she remained bound by them.

At that thought, she asked softly, “Mother, you didn’t remarry back then either, was it also because you still held feelings for Father?”

Madam Wang was caught off guard. Her expression stiffened, then slowly faded into silence.

Why hadn’t she remarried, all those years ago?

In truth, it came down to three words—she couldn’t let go.

She couldn’t let go of Pei Hengzhi’s affection, couldn’t abandon the crumbling Pei household, couldn’t leave behind her young son…

And since there was no one she wished to marry, she had simply stayed.

That stay lasted a lifetime.

It wasn’t as though she had never regretted it. After all, the long nights were lonely, everyone felt it. Even just having someone she liked to talk to would have been enough.

But so many years had passed; regret was useless now.

The path she had chosen, she could only grit her teeth and keep walking. If she gave up halfway, she’d only become a laughingstock.

But if she were to choose again in another life, would she still choose widowhood?

Madam Wang hesitated.

It had been too bitter.

This half of her life had been nothing but endurance and pain.

And yet, everyone else endured the same. So many memorial arches stood tall, so many tales of virtuous widows were praised and passed down, how could she be the one who couldn’t bear it?

She had clenched her teeth and endured, believing that at last, finally, she had endured her way to the end.

But now, this Madam Shen was telling her that once she’d let go, she would stop enduring.

Why? Why should this Shen woman get to stop enduring? How could she just toss everything aside so easily?

Madam Wang’s face turned ashen. A sudden panic welled up in her chest as if the steadfastness she had clung to her whole life, all that she had believed was right, was turning into a mockery, about to be shattered.

She glared at Shen Yujiao with unwilling fury. “How can you be so shameless, to say such things? And to think you were born of a family of scholars! Yet you behave with no virtue, no restraint! Someone! Go and summon Old Madam Shen here, I must ask her myself how she raised such a daughter!”

The servants and maids outside hesitated, unsure whether to enter.

Shen Yujiao cast them a cool glance, and they froze in place.

Madam Wang had been ill for some time, and the household affairs were now in Shen Yujiao’s hands. Besides, the future heir of the Pei family, the young master on whom all hopes rested, was Shen Yujiao’s own son.

How could Madam Wang not feel the shift of power? Hatred and resentment churned in her heart, and she gave a low, bitter laugh. “Fine, fine. Truly fine indeed.”

“You and I didn’t have to end up like this,” Shen Yujiao said quietly. “Before I came to Wenxi with my son, I had already decided, if you were willing to live peacefully with me, I would have honored you as Mother, cared for you in your old age, and let Di Ge’er serve at your knee. But your conduct these past days has been truly disheartening.”

She drew in a deep breath. “Perhaps I should thank you. If not for the lesson you’ve given me, I might have spent my life quietly guarding my widowhood.”

She paused, turning her gaze toward the rows of cold memorial tablets, then back to the half-ghostly woman before her. Her clear, graceful features softened, her expression settling into calm resolve.

“Now I’m certain, I don’t want to become another you.”

Nor a name carved onto one of these spirit tablets, nor an archway plaque under the city gate, nor a “chaste widow” recorded in the annals as Pei Madam Shen.

For the rest of her life, she wanted to live as Shen Yujiao.