Xie Shiyan and Jiang Chunnian, dressed in plain clothes, hesitated for a long time at the gate of the Su residence before finally mustering the courage to knock.
Su Xiaobei opened the door: “What business do you have?”
Xie Shiyan forced a smile: “We have come by imperial order to invite Su Gelao.”
Su Xiaobei deliberately sized them up: “Who are you two? Looking like commoners, and you dare to seek our lord? And you even say it’s by imperial order!” With that, he slammed the door shut with a bang.
Jiang Chunnian’s face turned the color of sauce in anger. But Xie Shiyan, once in adversity, displayed the good temper of the “muddy” Grand Secretary and comforted him: “Let’s go back and change into our official robes before coming again.”
“Isn’t thi– this forcing you and me to lose, lose face?” Jiang Chunnian said, glancing around nervously as if afraid someone might recognize them.
Xie Shiyan sighed: “An imperial decree cannot be disobeyed. If we must lose face, then grit our teeth and lose it once.”
The two of them went back, changed into official robes, and came again to knock on the Su residence gate.
Su Xiaobei opened the door and looked them up and down: “So it’s Grand Secretaries Xie and Jiang. What business do you two have with my lord?”
Xie Shiyan kept smiling apologetically: “The two of us have come by imperial decree to invite Su Gelao to return to court. We hope, little brother, you can make an exception and report it for us.”
Su Xiaobei also smiled amiably: “Oh, so it’s that matter. Please wait outside for a moment, sirs, I’ll go report it right away.”
That “moment” turned into a full hour. During that time, Jiang Chunnian couldn’t help wanting to push the door open himself, but was fiercely glared at by the plainclothes Embroidered Uniform Guards on either side inside the gate, and immediately shrank back.
By the time the sky was completely dark, Su Xiaobei finally came late, smiling: “Sorry, you two. My lord originally intended to accept the decree and return to court, but unfortunately got too excited and twisted his ankle. He can’t walk at the moment and needs to have a bonesetter come and fix it. You two should go back, let’s talk about this tomorrow.”
With a bang, the door shut again.
This time even Xie Shiyan was so angry his long beard trembled wildly, and he said bitterly: “That brat is going too far, simply despicable to the extreme!”
The steward who had accompanied them spoke up for his master: “Since the other side is so ungrateful, sir need not bother with him any further. Let us return to the residence.”
The two left, both filled with pent-up fury.
Su Xiaobei left the gatehouse and hurried into the flower hall beside the main room, reporting to his master: “Those two old cabbage stalks have left, so angry their faces were all twisted!”
The “master of the Su household” who supposedly had “twisted his ankle and couldn’t walk” was holding a long-necked wine pot, pouring Heshang wine for the two companions seated on either side of him, saying boldly: “Drink! Tonight we won’t go home until we’re drunk!”
Seeing this scene, Su Xiaobei muttered, “Only if you’re drunk will you not go home! My lord is asking for trouble,” then sensibly picked up two plates of braised dishes and went to the kitchen to find flatbread to eat.
“My lord, drink a little less, be careful of your liver.”
“Ah, little darling!” Master Su wrapped an arm around his beloved cold-faced concubine and replied, “Don’t call me ‘my lord.’ I told you, I’m not being ‘my lord’ anymore, call me master! Or… you can call me ‘great sir’ too…”
The fierce, imposing “outside consort” set down his wine cup, about to stand. Master Su quickly wrapped his other arm around him: “You little lady, after hitting this great sir on the head with a forked pole, you still want to leave?”
Shen Qi’s face darkened slightly: “Did Zhu Helin drag you to read some nonsense books again?!”
Half drunk, Master Su laughed and handed over his empty wine cup: “Didn’t wife say she’d feed me half a cup of leftover wine? Where’s the wine?”
Shen Qi’s expression sank, then he suddenly smiled faintly and reached for the wine pot. A peanut flicked against the pot, knocking his hand aside. Jinghong Zhui said, “My lord has had too much.” Shen Qi slapped the table, sending the wine pot jumping two feet into the air, and reached out with his other hand to grab it: “It’s rare he’s laid down his burdens to relax for a few days, let him drink to his heart’s content.”
The force of their inner energy clashed midair, when suddenly Su Yan let out a drunken hiccup and slid down under the chair, still muttering: “Being a great sir is too hard… the backyard keeps catching fire at every turn… where’s the script? Where’s my script?”
Master Su switched through countless “scripts” in his drunken dreams, sleeping straight through until the afternoon of the next day before waking.
When Su Xiaobei brought in water for him to wash up, he reported: “Those two cabbage stalks, those two Grand Secretaries, have come again. They’ve been squatting outside the gate for quite a while, saying if my lord doesn’t come out, they’ll set fire to the house.”
“As if they’d dare!” Su Yan said while spitting out toothpaste water. “Back at court it was agreed, if they lost, they’d come carry my sedan poles. Now they want to go back on their word? Ignore them. Let them keep waiting.”
Su Xiaobei was a bit worried: “They say they’ve come by imperial decree… If my lord keeps putting on airs like this, wouldn’t that be disobeying the decree?”
Su Yan let out a snort: “Didn’t Qilang say it? The emperor’s verbal order, ‘three visits to the thatched cottage.’ This is only the second trip. No rush. Let them stew outside.”
By evening, Xie and Jiang had completely surrendered. They ordered a green felt official sedan chair to be brought over, along with many gifts, and once again urged Su Yan to come out.
Having received instructions, Su Xiaobei went out and replied: “You two Grand Secretaries really lack sincerity. There’s no procession with gongs clearing the way in front of this sedan, and no mounted guards with swords behind it, what kind of official sedan is this supposed to be?”
The two were so angry they nearly ground their teeth to pieces. Xie Shiyan said angrily: “If we put on that kind of display, won’t the entire city come to watch our humiliation?!”
Jiang Chunnian slammed the gift boxes onto the ground: “Th-this official won’t endure that humiliation, let’s go back!”
Xie Shiyan watched him leave with a cold smile. Sure enough, Jiang Chunnian had not gone more than a dozen paces before turning back, sighing helplessly: “His Majesty said, if we can’t invite this Buddha, then we, we needn’t return to the Cabinet… Wh-what are we to do…”
They had no choice but to fetch a full ceremonial procession and personnel, which took another half night.
“It’s all, all ready now. This time there’s nothing left to say!” Jiang Chunnian felt his fingers were about to break from knocking on the door.
Su Xiaobei opened the door while yawning endlessly: “Two Grand Secretaries, take a look at the time, it’s nearly the third watch! What kind of sedan is taken out in the middle of the night? Come again tomorrow morning at the hour of si.”
Not to mention how Xie and Jiang cursed furiously that night, unable to endure it any longer. At dawn, worried that Su Yan might change his mind, they set up the official sedan and the entire ceremonial procession outside the Su residence early in the morning.
This time, Su Yan did keep his word. Wearing a wide-sleeved crane cloak fluttering in the wind, with a small silver lotus crown on his head, he looked like an immortal descended to the mortal world as he leisurely walked out.
Though he used the other party’s ceremonial procession, he did not use that “forgiveness-colored” green felt official sedan. Instead, he brought his own open-sided sedan with a canopy overhead. Master Su, ever skilled at putting on airs, sat in the middle, drifting as if not of this mortal world, truly possessing the bearing of a transcendent.
He tapped the front pole of the sedan with the whisk in his hand and gave Xie and Jiang a false smile: “Much obliged.”
Xie Shiyan and Jiang Chunnian swallowed their anger and stepped forward, one on each side, placing their hands lightly on the poles. They immediately ordered the procession to set off, the sooner they reached the Meridian Gate, the sooner this would be over.
At Su Yan’s request, the procession cleared the way with gongs the entire route, drawing half the capital’s citizens to line the streets and watch, buzzing with discussion.
“Make way, make way, let me see, what’s going on here?”
“Which high official is on parade? What a display.”
“Look at the person in the sedan, not even wearing official robes. Who exactly is that?”
“The two old lords carrying the sedan poles are wearing official robes, I’ll take a look… ah! Peacock rank badges, third-rank officials!”
“Brother Wang, you really have no knowledge, you don’t even recognize Grand Secretaries Xie and Jiang?”
“What? Whose sedan is this, worthy of two Grand Secretaries personally carrying it? Could it be imperial nobility?”
“They said you’re ignorant, and you really are. The one sitting on the sedan is Lord Su, Left Shilang of the Ministry of Personnel and Grand Scholar of Wenhua Hall, the Cabinet’s second-in-command, a top favorite before the throne. I’ve heard that Grand Secretaries Xie and Jiang are carrying his sedan because they lost a bet!”
“What bet? I think you’re just as ignorant, talking about others. Let me tell you, Grand Secretaries Xie and Jiang jointly impeached Su Gelao, but His Majesty discerned everything clearly, false accusation! So they were punished to carry Lord Su’s sedan to make amends.”
“How was it a false accusation? Hurry and tell us!”
“I don’t know the exact details… anyway, the Changyuan great victory posted by the authorities a couple days ago, you heard about that, right? The General Qi recommended by Su Gelao beheaded the rebel leader and won a huge victory! But Grand Secretaries Xie and Jiang got jealous and falsely reported it as a defeat. Now that it’s been exposed, they were supposed to be dismissed, but Su Gelao was magnanimous and even pleaded for them. To show their apology, they voluntarily came to carry his sedan.”
“So that’s how it is!”
“Never would’ve thought, these high officials of the Cabinet are just like several taverns lined up on one street, competing and undercutting each other for business.”
“You have to say, Su Gelao is truly magnanimous, he can even forgive this. What’s that saying? ‘A prime minister’s belly can hold a boat.’ If it were me, I’d have crushed them while I had the chance!”
The bustling crowd buzzed noisily. Xie Shiyan and Jiang Chunnian walked with their heads lowered, pretending not to hear, but the scattered words drifting into their ears felt like knife tips slicing across their faces, making them unbearably humiliated.
To make matters worse, some mischievous children clapped their hands and chanted an improvised rhyme:
“Front gong rings, rear fans sway,
Grand Secretaries’ sedan, Grand Secretaries carry,
One Grand Secretary sits atop,
Two Grand Secretaries haul him along.”
The embarrassment made Xie Shiyan and Jiang Chunnian wish they could split the ground open and crawl into it.
At long last they passed Chengtian Gate, and with Meridian Gate just ahead, Su Yan on the sedan suddenly ordered: “Set it down.”
Xie Shiyan and Jiang Chunnian immediately breathed a sigh of relief, wiping sweat, thinking they had finally endured it. Quickly send this rogue Su Twelve back to Wenyuan Pavilion, settle this matter first, after that… a gentleman’s revenge, ten years is not too late.
Su Yan got off the sedan, nodded amiably to the procession, and said, “You’ve all worked hard, brothers, wrap up and return to your offices.” Then he flicked his whisk, turned his steps, and headed toward the Imperial Ancestral Temple on the right.
Xie Shiyan was startled and stepped forward to stop him: “Su Shilang, where are you going? His Majesty is still waiting for you at Wenyuan Pavilion to resume your post.”
Su Yan looked surprised: “Resume my post? When did I say I would resume? Before leaving, didn’t I say, just escort me to Meridian Gate. As for the rest of the way, I’ll go myself. No need to trouble you two further.”
Not returning to the Cabinet, not resuming office? Then how were they supposed to report back to the emperor? Would this ever end?!
Jiang Chunnian’s face flushed red to his neck as he stood there panting. Xie Shiyan’s expression was equally grim as he said through clenched teeth: “Su Shilang! Leave a line when dealing with others, so you may meet again in the future… is that not your motto?”
Su Yan smiled: “Of course. That’s why I’ve left you several lines here.” He casually plucked a few strands from his whisk and placed them in Xie Shiyan’s palm. “Take these and go report back to His Majesty!”
Xie Shiyan clutched the strands of whisk hair, his fingers trembling nonstop. Suddenly he leaned back violently. The attendants following him rushed forward in alarm to support him: “Master! What’s wrong… oh no, Master has fainted!”
Inside Wenyuan Pavilion, Zhu Helin held a few strands of whisk hair up to the light, examining them back and forth.
Beside him, Fubao suppressed laughter as he reported: “Lord Su dressed like an immortal and went to the Imperial Ancestral Temple. In public, he opened the sealed golden coffer and, astonishingly, found a ‘wordless heavenly book’ wrapped in yellow silk! Everyone was stunned. Ever since the imperial genealogy went missing, heavy guards had been stationed around the hall, how could a heavenly book suddenly appear inside the coffer out of nowhere?”
“Lord Su told the Ministry of Rites officials and the historians responsible for compilation that Emperor Ziwei appeared to him in a dream, saying he had temporarily borrowed the imperial genealogy to examine which emperors and imperial clans had accumulated sufficient merit to one day ascend to immortality. The Emperor even left behind a scroll of heavenly scripture as proof. When one day the heavenly book disappears from the mortal world and returns to heaven, the genealogy will also be returned.”
Zhu Helin let out a “pfft” and couldn’t hold back, bursting into laughter.
He could almost imagine the expressions of the historians and Ministry of Rites officials at the time, clearly suspecting something fishy, yet unable to speak up and expose it. The matter of dream revelations was too mysterious, who could prove it was false? Besides, the reason given for borrowing the genealogy was that heaven was assessing merit, if they refuted it, wouldn’t that imply the emperor and imperial clan were unworthy of becoming immortals?
When later they retrieved the genealogy from Mr. He and the Player and quietly placed it back into the coffer, wouldn’t that count as being “returned by heaven”?
“My Qinghe is truly… hahaha…” Zhu Helin blew away the whisk hairs in one breath and stood up. “Prepare the carriage, go to the Imperial Study!”
On the desk in the Imperial Study, memorials were piled like mountains. These past few days, Su Yan had dropped his duties, Xie Shiyan and Jiang Chunnian were worrying about how to clean up the mess, Yu Chezhi was still on his way back to the capital, and only Yang Ting remained in the Cabinet, so overwhelmed he couldn’t finish reviewing and drafting responses for so many memorials. Zhu Helin simply had him sort them by priority and send the urgent and important ones directly to the Imperial Study for him to handle.
The emperor prepared to work through the night, reviewing all the memorials. He ordered Fubao to make a trip to the Su residence to ask whether Su Yan had vented his anger yet and to urge him to come help with the work; he also ordered Cheng Sheng to prepare strong, invigorating tea, then stand guard outside the hall and keep out all irrelevant people.
Outside the window, the night deepened. The glazed palace lamps on the walls and desk shone brightly, illuminating the vermilion brush as it moved across the pages.
Footsteps sounded outside the Imperial Study, approaching from afar, followed by hushed voices. A moment later, the hall doors opened, and Cheng Sheng hurried in, reporting: “Your Majesty, Lord Wei of the Imperial Guards requests an urgent audience.”
“Admit him.”
Wei Liangzi, clad in soft armor, strode into the hall and bowed: “Your Majesty, this subject has just received a secret report.”
Zhu Helin frowned and waved for Cheng Sheng to withdraw.
Wei Liangzi stepped forward a few paces and spoke close to his ear: “An Embroidered Uniform Guard informant claims that, because he personally witnessed Shen Qi colluding with the rebel who stole the imperial genealogy, he was silenced and buried on the spot. Fortunately, he had feigned death at the time. After waking, he crawled out of the earth, hid for several days, and only then found this subject to report the matter in secret.”
Zhu Helin was startled; the vermilion brush slipped from his fingers.
