Fang Chi really hadn’t expected to run into Li Bowen here. It was freezing and already pretty late. Honestly, if seeing Li Bowen didn’t instantly make him want to slap him, Fang Chi might’ve thought the guy was pretty dedicated.
Wanted to beat up Li Bowen.
Wanted to smack him.
Step on his face.
Tie him to a rock and throw him into the river.
“Fang Chi?” The emergency lamp in Li Bowen’s hand suddenly lit up and shone directly at him, overpowering the beam from Fang Chi’s flashlight. “Are you f*cking crazy?!”
“You should ask yourself that,” Fang Chi switched off the flashlight and shoved his hands into his pockets, squinting against the harsh light. “I’ll count to three. If you’re still pointing that thing at my face, I’ll make you go winter swimming.”
Li Bowen hesitated. When Fang Chi counted “one,” he lowered the beam a little, shining it onto Xiaozi’s face instead.
Xiaozi barked twice at him.
“Two,” Fang Chi counted.
“Are you a dog?” Li Bowen shifted the light aside again.
“Yeah,” Fang Chi answered.
Li Bowen didn’t say anything, just stood beside the car staring at him.
Fang Chi walked toward the courtyard behind him. The place had originally just been fenced off casually with branches and wooden sticks. The area was pretty large, but the houses were old and run-down, and nobody lived there anymore.
There were temporary sheds set up in the yard, probably being used as storage for now, and there were plenty of supplies inside.
Li Bowen really was opening a farmhouse resort, and on a pretty big scale too.
“You came back for break?” Li Bowen followed after him.
“No,” Fang Chi looked at the stacked construction materials in the yard. “I’ve been in the city the whole time.”
“Huh? You didn’t go to school?” Li Bowen sounded surprised.
“Yeah.” Fang Chi turned around and stared at him. “Been hanging around gay bars every day.”
Awkwardness flashed across Li Bowen’s face. “Then the person I saw that day really was you?”
“Mm.” Fang Chi smiled and leaned close to him. “Never would’ve guessed it, Brother Li. Turns out you’re one of the comrades too.”
“Wha—” Li Bowen froze.
Before he could finish speaking, the smile vanished from Fang Chi’s face. He pointed a finger right at Li Bowen’s nose. “Listen up, Li Bowen. Don’t think I don’t know what kind of thoughts you have about Sun Wenqu!”
Li Bowen’s eyes widened instantly. “What are you—”
“We’re all men,” Fang Chi stared at him coldly. “If you want to chase him, I won’t stop you. Depends on your ability, ”
“What the h*ll are you talking about?!” Li Bowen cut him off with a shout. “I’m not interested in Sun Wenqu! I’m not gay!”
“Really?” Fang Chi smiled faintly, looked at him two more times, then turned and walked away.
“What do you mean by that, Fang Chi?!” Li Bowen shouted after him.
Without turning around, Fang Chi waved a hand. “Guess.”
Only after entering the village did Fang Chi finally start laughing while dragging his suitcase along, running forward with Xiaozi beside him.
“How about that!” He kicked Xiaozi lightly on the butt. “Your bro’s f*cking awesome, right?”
Xiaozi barked twice.
“Who can’t spread rumors? Making sh*t up isn’t exactly high-level work, right?” Fang Chi kicked its butt again. “Especially someone like me who looks honest at first glance. Anything I say sounds real. That’ll scare the h*ll out of him!”
Xiaozi barked while circling around him twice.
Running into Li Bowen today had been unexpected.
Wanting to beat Li Bowen up, though, that was something Fang Chi had wanted to do for a long time.
But he didn’t do it. Even though the moment he saw Li Bowen, he’d wanted to rush over and swing a huge slap right across that b*stard’s face.
He held himself back.
He still couldn’t say he fully understood what kind of person Li Bowen was. But if Li Bowen really intended to use this farmhouse business as an opportunity to expose Fang Chi’s situation to his grandparents, then the time Fang Chi had kicked him into the ditch before was definitely one of the triggers.
This guy held grudges. And when he got revenge, he didn’t do it openly, he’d go in a huge circle and play dirty behind the scenes, while on the surface acting like some upright young man who was super loyal to his friends.
If he’d really beaten him up today, Li Bowen might’ve rushed to tell Grandpa everything before he could confess himself, all while putting on a face like, ‘Ah, you were already this open about it and still hadn’t told your family?’ and ‘I really didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.’
Fang Chi clicked his tongue.
Xiaozi barked a few times and charged forward. Fang Chi looked up and saw Grandpa walking out of the yard.
“Grandpa!” he shouted, dragging his suitcase as he ran over.
”Hey, you’re back,” Grandpa first turned and called into the courtyard, then smiled warmly at him. ”How come you came back by yourself? I thought Shuiqu would come with you.”
”He took me to the bus station in the city. He still had stuff to do, so he didn’t come with me,” Fang Chi said as he went over and hugged Grandpa.
There were still a few days before New Year’s, and Mom and Dad hadn’t come back yet, so there were only Grandpa and Grandma at home. But just like Sun Wenqu had said, even with only three people, the two elders had still prepared a huge table full of dishes and hadn’t eaten, waiting for Fang Chi to come back.
”If you got here any later the food would’ve gone cold. I’ve been reheating everything over and over,” Grandma said the moment she saw him, smiling as she came over and cupped his face, studying him for a long while. ”Let Grandma take a look, did you lose weight?”
”I always gain weight in winter. How could I get thinner?” Fang Chi said with a grin.
”Hurry up and take your stuff upstairs,” Grandma patted him. ”Come eat. You must be starving, right?”
”Why were you waiting for me? You could’ve just left me some food,” Fang Chi ran upstairs and tossed his luggage into his room. When he passed Sun Wenqu’s room, his steps slowed. He stuck his head in for a look. It was still cleaned spotless, without even a speck of dust.
”Eating together is livelier,” Grandpa said. ”I was waiting for you to have a couple drinks with me.”
”Come on then,” Fang Chi said with a smile as he sat by the table and picked up the homemade liquor to pour Grandpa a cup. ”Perfect timing, I was freezing.”
***
Sun Wenqu stood in front of the big table, supporting himself against the edge as he stared at several design sketches spread across it for quite a long time without moving or speaking.
”Say… say something,” Ma Liang said from the sofa behind him.
”The styles aren’t unified,” Sun Wenqu finally spoke again after another long pause. ”I think the biggest problem with your people is that they want to try everything, they’re interested in everything, they want to express everything, but nothing has a focus.”
”You’re talking… talking about me,” Ma Liang pointed at himself.
”Let’s have a meeting tomorrow,” Sun Wenqu turned and leaned against the table. ”Discuss the style first, then settle on several series. Different series can have different vibes, then adjust them according to customer feedback.”
”Okay, sleep… sleep,” Ma Liang nodded and stood up, then pointed at his leg. ”Do you even… even… even know you’ve been standing for two… two… two hours?”
”I know. I’m just too lazy to go sit over there,” Sun Wenqu said, then directly flopped down onto the sofa. ”I’m sleeping.”
”Go sleep in your… your room,” Ma Liang looked at him.
”Don’t… don’t… don’t… don’t wanna move,” Sun Wenqu said with a laugh.
”You little brat, I’ll beat… beat you up,” Ma Liang glared at him with a frown.
”Come beat me.” Sun Wenqu clicked his tongue.
”Don’t complain if you catch… catch… catch a cold.” Ma Liang turned and opened the door.
”I’ll complain, complain, com-com-complain,” Sun Wenqu stretched lazily and looked at Ma Liang’s back. ”Hey, Liangzi, don’t go.”
Ma Liang turned back to look at him.
”Don’t you have anything to tell me?” Sun Wenqu propped his legs up on the back of the sofa.
”Been talking all… all night. Nothing left to say,” Ma Liang replied.
Sun Wenqu clicked his tongue. ”Li Bowen’s farmhouse project already started, right? You told my son already, didn’t you?”
”Mm.” Leaning against the doorframe, Ma Liang nodded.
”And then?” Sun Wenqu sat up. ”You still haven’t told me how he plans to deal with it.”
”He wouldn’t… wouldn’t say,” Ma Liang smiled. ”Said if he told me, I’d tell you.”
”Seriously?” Sun Wenqu frowned.
”Seriously.” Ma Liang said it, then went out and shut the door.
***
Fang Chi woke up very early. With something weighing on his mind, he couldn’t sleep soundly. Xiaozi had scratched at his door for ten whole minutes, and he’d heard every bit of it clearly.
”Are you annoying or what,” he said as he got out of bed and opened the door.
The dog sitting at the doorway immediately stood up and nudged a rock beside him toward Fang Chi’s feet with his nose.
”Who’s going out to play fetch with rocks in this freezing weather?” Fang Chi sighed. ”You really refuse to admit you’re old.”
Xiaozi stared at him expectantly, wagging his tail hard.
”Hey!” Fang Chi picked up the rock, thought for a moment, then tossed it downstairs into the living room from the stairway. Xiaozi instantly barked as he dashed downstairs after it.
”You little b*stard! Did you eat the wrong feed first thing in the morning?!” Grandma’s yelling came from downstairs. ”You threw the rock right into the meat filling!”
”No way?” Fang Chi froze, then ran downstairs. Xiaozi was happily gnawing the rock in his mouth. ”Where’s there meat filling?”
”So if there wasn’t meat filling that means you can throw rocks around inside the house?!” Grandma came over and smacked him on the back. ”Are you trying to be annoying? What if you’d hit me!”
”I checked downstairs and there wasn’t…” Fang Chi scratched his head. Before he could finish speaking, Grandma smacked him again. ”Ah ah, okay, I was wrong.”
‘Go wash your face!’ Grandma shoved him. ”Breakfast is ready.”
Fang Chi was squatting in the yard with toothpaste foam filling his mouth when his phone rang. Grandpa called for him from inside the house.
”Coming!” He spat out the foam, wiped his mouth carelessly, went inside, picked up the phone, and answered after glancing at the screen. ”It’s Xiao Yiming.”
”You’re home already, right?” Xiao Yiming’s voice came from the other side.
”Mm,” Fang Chi responded.
”Nothing special. I just called because I was worried you wouldn’t be able to find a good chance to bring me up,” Xiao Yiming said. ”You can say right now that I’m not going home for New Year’s, then tell them about me.”
”Mm.” Warmth spread through Fang Chi’s chest, but he frowned again. ”You’re really not going home for New Year’s?”
”Nope,” Xiao Yiming sighed. ”Yesterday I called my mom. At first she wouldn’t pick up. When she finally did, she just cursed me out and said she didn’t want to see me.”
”Then what if you force yourself to go home anyway?” Fang Chi asked.
”My mom’s not the kind who says the opposite of what she means. You know that. If she says she doesn’t want to see me, she means it. If I went back, I’d probably get kicked out,” Xiao Yiming said.
”Then where are you spending New Year’s?” Fang Chi glanced at Grandpa and Grandma and realized they were both looking his way. Suddenly he felt nervous.
”He’s coming to my house,” Cheng Mo’s voice suddenly came through the phone.
”Cheng Mo?” Fang Chi froze. ”You two are together?”
”Mm, he came to see me at work,” Xiao Yiming said. ”I’ll just stay here for New Year’s. I can earn a bit more money too.”
“Didn’t you say he was going to your house?” Fang Chi asked.
“Isn’t he always talking like he’s already decided things himself,” Xiao Yiming replied.
“…Oh.” Fang Chi laughed.
After he hung up, Grandma immediately came over. “What, Xiao Yiming’s not going home for New Year’s?”
“Mm, he…” Fang Chi rubbed his nose. “He’s working over there, so he’s not coming back.”
“What?” Grandma froze. “He’s skipping going home for New Year’s just for work? His family agreed to that? What’s that child thinking?”
“No, it’s because he…” Fang Chi suddenly felt like the heating inside was way too strong. The warmth wrapping around him from all directions made sweat start to break out across his back. “He had a conflict with his family. His mom won’t let him come home anymore.“
“What kind of conflict?“ Grandma was startled. “His mother got that angry?“
Fang Chi didn’t answer. He sat on the sofa and played with Xiaozi.
“Talk.“ Grandma shoved him.
“Hey, stop pressing him,“ Grandpa said with a smile. “Are we eating breakfast or not?“
“Fine, fine, fine.“ Grandma waved her hand. “I’ll go cook noodles.“
After Grandma went into the kitchen, Grandpa sat down beside him and patted his leg. “You really don’t want to say it? I can tell your mood’s been affected.”
”It’s not that I don’t want to say it,” Fang Chi said with difficulty. Layer after layer of nervousness spread through him. This was only talking about Xiao Yiming, not even himself, and he was already this nervous. He almost wanted to pinch himself a few times. ”I’m just afraid if I say it, you guys won’t be able to accept it.”
”Oh? What is it?” Grandpa smiled. ”Tell me and let’s see whether I can accept it.”
”It’s just…” Fang Chi turned to glance at Grandpa and lowered his voice. ”Xiao Yiming, he… likes men.”
The moment he said those words, Fang Chi’s heart shot into his throat. He had to keep his mouth tightly shut to stop it from jumping right out.
Even though this was about Xiao Yiming, he was still terribly nervous about Grandpa’s reaction.
If Grandpa couldn’t even accept Xiao Yiming’s situation, then he didn’t even dare imagine what it would look like when he confessed his own.
”Likes men?” Grandpa stared at him in shock. ”Xiao Yiming likes men?”
”Yeah,” Fang Chi nodded. He inhaled softly, then lowered his voice again. ”His family found out. His parents couldn’t accept it, so they won’t let him come home.”
”So that’s how it is…” Grandpa still looked shocked. ”This… you really couldn’t tell. He seemed like such a normal kid.”
Normal.
The moment Fang Chi heard those two words, he felt like everything around him dimmed.
”Grandpa,” his throat felt dry, ”do you think someone like him is… abnormal?”
”You can’t exactly call it abnormal,” Grandpa picked up the teacup from the coffee table and took a sip. ”This is called homosexuality, right? Men being together with men.”
”Mm, homosexuality,” Fang Chi felt like his voice was floating. ”There are women with… women too.”
”Oh,” Grandpa responded.
Fang Chi felt completely drained. Slumped against the sofa, he didn’t even want to move anymore, nor did he want to look at Grandpa’s expression.
Grandpa sat there silently, not saying anything, as if lost in thought.
Fang Chi lowered his eyes to Xiaozi’s head resting on his knee and lightly tapped the dog’s nose over and over. Cool and damp.
”Little Chi, let me ask you something.” Grandpa suddenly turned to look at him.
”Mm?” Fang Chi lifted his head. ”What?”
‘You and Xiao Yiming have always been pretty close, right?’ Grandpa asked.
”…Yeah,” Fang Chi nodded. ”Pretty… close.”
Grandpa’s question gave him an overwhelming urge to run away. He hadn’t expected Grandpa to ask that, but he could imagine exactly where the question would lead if it continued.
All of them had thought using Xiao Yiming’s situation as an opening would give Grandpa some buffer time, but none of them had considered that if Grandpa kept asking questions, eventually it would inevitably turn toward Fang Chi himself.
The IQs of all three of them had simultaneously gone offline. And before Grandpa asked that question, not one of their brains had come back online.
”Then did you already know about him before?” Grandpa asked.
”I… knew.” Fang Chi’s mind was a complete mess. He couldn’t think straight and had no idea how to answer Grandpa’s question without steering the topic toward himself so quickly.
”Then you…” Grandpa’s voice was very soft, as if afraid Grandma might hear, ”being that close with him…”
”Grandpa,” Fang Chi felt like sweat had probably already formed on the tip of his nose, ”you…”
“Are you eating or not!” Grandma pushed the door open and walked in at that moment, shouting with a face full of dissatisfaction, “You were just yelling that you wanted breakfast, now it’s ready and I’ve called seven or eight times and no one even answers!”
“Ah, ” Fang Chi was startled and suddenly stood up, “What?”
“The door’s closed, and the kitchen door’s closed too, how could you hear from that far,” Grandpa said with a smile, “Little Chi, go help Grandma bring the noodles over.”
“What do you mean help Grandma bring the noodles!” Grandma said, “Aren’t you eating? Am I the only one eating?”
“Help me bring the noodles,” Grandpa said again.
Fang Chi smiled and ran out.
The moment he stepped outside, the wind hit him, a bone-chilling cold that made the skin on his chest and back tighten. Only then did Fang Chi calm down a little.
He walked into the kitchen, picked up two bowls of noodles, one in each hand, and carried them back.
He hadn’t had time to answer Grandpa’s question. How to answer it, his mind was a mess.
Grandpa’s meaning was easy to understand: Xiao Yiming is homosexual, you’re so close to him, and you know he’s homosexual, then what kind of relationship do you have?
If he answered that they were just good friends, nothing more, then Grandpa definitely wouldn’t ask further whether he himself was homosexual. This opportunity to speak, though it came too early, would indeed be lost, unless he added a “but I am too” afterward. But that felt too abrupt to him, and he was afraid Grandpa couldn’t handle it.
If he answered otherwise, he would also lose the chance to speak, and when he tried to speak later, it would cause even greater harm.
One casual question from Grandpa had suddenly pushed him forward a step.
He had no choice but to say it today.
But… how to say it?
How?
This question had to be answered. Even if Grandpa didn’t bring it up again because breakfast interrupted them, he still had to take the initiative to answer.
If he let it go this time, Grandpa would definitely keep thinking about it on his own.
He didn’t want Grandpa to keep guessing and worrying alone.
What to do?
He had to answer. But when?
And how?
Say it directly?
Or go around it?
Fang Chi carried the noodles into the room and set them on the table.
At that moment, he suddenly missed Sun Wenqu very, very much. He wished more than anything that Sun Wenqu were by his side.
Sun Wenqu would make him feel at ease, just a slight curl of his lips into a smile could calm him down… of course, it might also make him stand at attention; those half-lidded eyes could also make him… still stand at attention…
Fang Chi, what the h*ll are you thinking?
What kind of nonsense is this!
“Your grandpa made a new sauce,” Grandma added a few more pieces of meat into his bowl, “try it and see how it tastes, I think it’s more fragrant than the last batch he made.”
“Mm,” Fang Chi quickly lowered his head and took a bite of noodles, “it is more fragrant. The last one I thought was a bit salty, this one’s just right.”
“Then I’ll make some more,” Grandpa chuckled, “when you go back to school, take a few bottles with you. Keep two for yourself and share some with your classmates.”
“Okay,” Fang Chi nodded, “the guys in my dorm all like this kind of thing.”
While eating, Fang Chi didn’t talk much. Grandma and Grandpa chatted as they ate, discussing what to prepare for the New Year. Every year they started discussing it many days in advance. Fang Chi felt they weren’t really preparing that carefully, they just enjoyed talking about it.
When it’s New Year, talking about these things makes it feel more like New Year.
After eating, Fang Chi took the bowls to wash them. When he came back into the room, only Grandma was there, with a chopping board on the table, deboning meat while watching TV.
“Where’s Grandpa?” Fang Chi asked.
“In the backyard inspecting things,” Grandma said.
Fang Chi turned around and slowly walked toward the backyard.
Grandpa was squatting by the door leading from the corridor to the backyard, with a small stove beside him. He was holding a pipe, preparing to light it.
Fang Chi stared at Grandpa’s back for a long time. Finally, he gritted his teeth, walked over, squatted down beside him, took out a cigarette from his pocket, lit it using the stove, and put it in his mouth.
“Your grandma will come over and smack you in a bit,” Grandpa glanced at him and said with a smile.
“Grandpa,” Fang Chi took a drag and slowly exhaled a thin stream of smoke, “why don’t you just hit me directly.”
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