A Dog Out of Nowhere Chapter 84

Fang Chi felt like someone facing a pile of explosives, terrified, yet forced to hold a torch and light it.

He didn’t know how powerful the explosives were, how far they would blast, how high, who would be hurt, whether everyone would be left battered.

No matter how many plans he considered, none could guarantee he could pull the people around him to safety.

And the moment he said those words, it was like the torch touched the fuse.

Watching the sparks crackle and scatter, he knew he had no way back.

Grandpa was packing tobacco into the pipe. When he heard this, his hands paused; his hand trembled suddenly, and the tobacco between his fingers fell to the ground.

“Why should I hit you?” he turned to look at Fang Chi.

“I…” Fang Chi didn’t dare look at him, only stared at the tobacco on the ground, “Grandpa, if I say I’m… the same as Xiao Yiming, would you…”

“The same as him in what way?” Grandpa asked.

“The same as him… the same…” Fang Chi closed his eyes and bit his lip hard, “like men.”

The air seemed to freeze.

Time seemed to freeze.

Everything around them seemed to freeze.

Only the cold wind moved freely, cutting through from outside the yard, brushing across exposed skin.

Grandpa suddenly struck the back of his head with the pipe.

Pain.

Severe pain.

Grandpa, who had worked the fields all his life, had tremendous strength.

Fang Chi only felt something slam into the back of his head. After a dull shock, the pain came, before it could spread, the pipe struck his face with a crack.

Then it snapped.

“What did you say?” Grandpa’s voice carried shock and trembling.

Fang Chi didn’t move. With effort, his gaze shifted from the tobacco on the ground to the broken pipe. “I like… men.”

“Which man do you like? Is it Xiao Yiming or…” Grandpa paused, “Sun Wenqu?”

This was the first time, after the whole family had followed Grandma in giving Sun Wenqu a different name, that Grandpa called him correctly, full name.

It wasn’t surprising that Grandpa would ask who. In his eyes, there had to be such a person, otherwise Fang Chi wouldn’t say he liked men.

“Not Xiao Yiming,” Fang Chi answered.

He could deny Xiao Yiming, but he didn’t have the courage to say Sun Wenqu’s name. Grandpa and Grandma treated Sun Wenqu like half a grandson, he didn’t have enough courage to deal Grandpa another blow.

“Then it’s Sun Wenqu?” Grandpa’s voice trembled badly.

Fang Chi didn’t speak, staring silently at the tip of his shoe.

Grandpa didn’t ask further. He just picked up the broken pipe and tried to fit the two pieces together.

But he couldn’t.

In the end, he threw the pipe aside and stood up, pacing in the backyard.

Grandpa often walked around the backyard, slowly pacing back and forth.

Today he wasn’t walking fast either, but Fang Chi could hear the anxiety and unrest in his footsteps. Xiaozi, who usually liked running around Grandpa’s feet, didn’t move either, curled quietly in a corner of the yard.

Fang Chi’s mind could no longer think. It was like a pot of boiling sauce, bubbling and churning, full to the brim, yet nothing discernible inside.

He only felt cold. The cold crept from his fingertips inward, inch by inch.

“Grandpa…” he took a breath and raised his head.

He didn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t even know what he wanted to say after calling him.

“Shut up!” Grandpa strode over in two steps and slapped him across the left cheek.

Fang Chi’s legs were numb from squatting. The slap nearly knocked him to the ground; he braced himself with a hand.

Xiaozi barked and ran to Grandpa’s side, biting at his pant leg, letting out a low whine, snuffling softly.

“You,” Grandpa pointed at him, his hand shaking, his voice trembling even though he lowered it, “since you were little they said you had your own mind! Made people worry less, had your own mind! You really do have your own mind! Really do!”

Fang Chi didn’t speak. The slap had left him dazed.

“You’re trying to kill someone with this! You are!” Grandpa’s lips trembled; he kept pointing at him, unable to speak further for a long time.

Fang Chi remained silent. Once the words were said, everything had changed. No matter how much he had imagined such a scene, every second that followed was beyond expectation.

“Go upstairs!” Grandpa glared at him, “Get upstairs!”

Fang Chi slowly stood up. Whether from the slap or from squatting too long, his vision went black for a few seconds before he turned and walked toward the house.

“How is your grandma supposed to live!” Grandpa said behind him, voice filled with pain and anxiety, followed by a heavy sigh, “How are we going to get through this New Year!”

Fang Chi didn’t go through the corridor to the living room and then upstairs. He was afraid, he didn’t have the courage to face Grandma, who knew nothing yet. He went straight up the stairs from the backyard to the rooftop, pushed open the door, and entered his room.

After closing the doors and windows, he sat on the edge of the bed.

His ears and head buzzed, mixed with a sharp ringing like screams.

He had said it.

But there wasn’t the slightest bit of relief. Grandpa’s words made him feel like he was buried under layers and layers of quilts.

Heavy, but not enough to crush him.

Stifling, but not enough to suffocate him.

Just heavy. Just oppressive.

His phone chimed.

It took him a long time to slowly take it out of his pocket.

It was a message from Xiao Yiming.

-When you say it, don’t mention Sun Wenqu. Don’t say you have a boyfriend now. It might make things easier.

Fang Chi moved his fingers, feeling like they didn’t respond well, each movement difficult.

-I have to say it. And I already did.

After a while, Xiao Yiming replied.

-You already said it? When? What’s the situation? Can you take a call now?

-Just now. Not good. I can take a call but don’t want to talk.

-Okay. If you need help, just say it. Hang in there. Comfort your grandparents.

-Mm.

Fang Chi put the phone down, lay back on the bed, and closed his eyes.

Other than anger, Grandpa hadn’t given him any response. Whether he could accept it, whether he would agree, what would happen next, he didn’t know any of it.

Maybe Grandpa needed time to sort things out. Something like this, even for Fang Chi himself back then, was impossible to accept at first.

And when Grandpa did sort it out and reacted…

He didn’t dare think about it.

Everything around him was quiet, just like every year before the New Year, quiet with a hint of festive excitement. But this year, Fang Chi only felt a silence that made it hard to breathe.

The room was quiet. He could hear Xiaozi’s footsteps, the sound of its nose nudging at his door.

Downstairs was quiet too. He couldn’t tell whether Grandpa was in the backyard or the living room, whether he had told Grandma or not.

And what he could do now, besides lying here, he didn’t know either.

After an unknown amount of time, the burning pain on his left cheek faded, replaced by a hot swelling; the pain in his head also faded into numb heat and pressure.

Footsteps came from the stairs, hurried, heavy.

Fang Chi opened his eyes and suddenly sat up.

The small clock on the table showed it was noon. He had been lying here for three hours.

These were Grandma’s footsteps, the footsteps she made when she was angry.

He sucked in a breath, preparing himself to accept Grandma’s beating.

His room door was not pushed open. Grandma opened the door to the room next door, Sun Wenqu’s room.

Before Fang Chi could figure out why, he heard the sound of a chair overturning onto the floor, the sound of cups being smashed to pieces.

What followed was the huge crashing noise of all kinds of things falling and breaking.

When Fang Chi heard someone seemingly smashing Sun Wenqu’s electric kiln, he jumped off the bed, gathered his courage, and pulled the door open as he walked out.

“What are you coming out for?” Grandpa was standing outside Sun Wenqu’s room. When he saw him come out, he frowned and said something.

“I…” Fang Chi couldn’t see the situation inside the room, but the doorway was already full of shattered glass and wooden boards.

“Go back to your room,” Grandpa said.

“I’m sorry,” Fang Chi didn’t know what else he could say. “I’m sorry.”

“Call Sun Shuiqu!” Grandma shouted from inside the room. When she walked out, she was holding a firewood chopper with its blade already curled and chipped, her eyes red, her face streaked with tears. “I want to ask him! What did we ever do to wrong him! For him to screw us over like this!”

“Grandma,” Fang Chi’s heart hurt in an instant; it felt like his whole body was aching in spasms. He dropped to his knees. “Grandma, I’m sorry. I’m the one who wronged you.”

Grandma didn’t speak. She stared at him with reddened eyes for a long time, then finally threw down the chopper and lunged over.

“Why are you doing this!” Grandma slapped his arm, then slapped his shoulder again. “Why! Why are you doing this!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Fang Chi lowered his head and bit his lip.

Grandma hit and pounded him all over while crying as she hit him.

Why.

Why.

Why are you.

This was perhaps the question they most wanted an answer to.

But why?

Fang Chi didn’t know. Why?

If someone asked him why he liked Sun Wenqu, maybe he could say a lot of things, the presentable ones and the unpresentable ones, a lot of them, bit by bit. Why he liked Sun Wenqu, he knew more clearly than anyone else, even more clearly than Sun Wenqu himself.

But why did he like men?

No one could answer.

“I don’t know, I don’t know…” Fang Chi lowered his head, his voice very low. “I’m sorry, Grandma, I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Grandma’s crying grew louder. She no longer asked “why,” only kept hitting him again and again.

Grandma’s strength was far less than Grandpa’s. The fists and slaps that rained down on him didn’t actually hurt that much.

But his heart hurt terribly, so much that Fang Chi could hardly breathe.

“You b*stard,” Grandma cried as she hit him. “Little b*stard! You good-for-nothing little b&stard!”

Grandma’s crying and shouting made Fang Chi begin to regret “grabbing onto” today’s “opportunity.”

“Go rest for a while,” Grandpa, who had been silently watching from the side the whole time, came over and held Grandma up. “Hitting him like this is useless too. Be careful not to hurt yourself from anger.”

“Beating him to death would make it useful!” Grandma cried.

“Don’t say angry words,” Grandpa wrapped an arm around her shoulders and lightly patted her back again and again. “Come, go downstairs with me.”

Grandma reached over and hit Fang Chi’s shoulder twice more before Grandpa half-supported, half-dragged her downstairs.

“Little Chi, go back to your room first,” Grandpa said on the staircase.

Fang Chi lowered his head and stayed kneeling without moving.

Grandma was probably helped back into the downstairs bedroom by Grandpa. The sound of her sorrowful crying gradually quieted down.

Fang Chi still remained kneeling without moving.

He didn’t want to move.

He couldn’t think, nor could he make any sort of response.

He only wanted to kneel there like this.

It felt like even breathing now would tug on nerves of pain.

His heart ached.

It ached for Grandpa, ached for Grandma, ached for these two elderly people who had poured all their energy and love into him.

From the angle where he was kneeling, he could see a corner of Sun Wenqu’s room. The room that had been tidy and clean was now already a complete mess.

His heart also ached for Sun Wenqu.

Sun Wenqu, who had drunk and chatted with Grandpa, written Spring Festival couplets for them, made plates for them, had now become a sinner in Grandpa and Grandma’s eyes because of his one sentence: “I like men.”

Heartache.

Heartache for every single person.

Yet he was lost, not knowing who he should blame.

Blame Li Bowen?

Or blame himself?

He didn’t know.

“He… he didn’t answer the phone?” Ma Liang asked from the side.

“Mm.” Sun Wenqu looked at his phone and tossed it aside. “He didn’t answer any of the three calls.”

“Sleeping?” Ma Liang said.

“One nap from noon till six in the evening?” Sun Wenqu clicked his tongue. “Besides, forget sleeping, even if he were unconscious, he’d still get up to answer if he heard my call.”

“Then he went… went out to play and didn’t bring his ph… phone.” Ma Liang laughed.

“Probably. Forget it, I’ll wait for him to call me,” Sun Wenqu stretched lazily. “I’m going to look at the design drafts.”

“Eat f… first.” Ma Liang patted his shoulder.

After the weather turned cold, Hu Yuanyuan arranged all kinds of hotpot for everyone every day, changing the style daily. Lamb, beef, big bones, Sichuan flavor, Hunan flavor, Northeastern flavor, never the same thing twice.

Sun Wenqu felt like after New Year’s he could be sent straight out for slaughter.

“Today’s spicy hotpot is pretty spicy,” Hu Yuanyuan pointed at a pot of red broth. “I saw that hotpot seasoning block was such a huge chunk, so I thought I’d break off half to put in, but my hand slipped and I dumped the whole thing in.”

“Today’s satisfying,” Sun Wenqu picked up a ladle and scooped a little to taste. “Hey, tonight I can probably guest-star as Meng Jiangnu crying down the Great Wall.”

“Really?” Ma Liang immediately laughed when he heard that. He came over and tasted some too. “Two M… Meng Jiangnus, from Ba… Badaling to Mu… Mutianyu, cry the whole thing d… down.”

After crying through an entire meal, Sun Wenqu went to wash his face and rinse his mouth, then popped a piece of chocolate into his mouth before going to the design room.

He had always said he was too lazy to learn how to use a computer for design drafts, but in the end he still learned. Sitting in front of the computer, he sighed while looking at the drafts and jotting all his thoughts into a notebook.

Ma Liang didn’t follow him in. Whenever he was looking at drafts and thinking things through, Ma Liang would very tacitly leave him alone.

After he finished and came out of the design room, Ma Liang came over and handed him a cup of hot tea. “H… how is it?”

“I’ll talk to Little Zhang tomorrow,” Sun Wenqu took a sip of tea and checked the time on his phone. It was almost ten. “I’m heading back to sleep first.”

Ma Liang glanced at his phone. “Still no…”

“No,” Sun Wenqu put on his coat, slipped the phone into his pocket, and tugged at his collar. “Good night.”

“Good night, Boss Sun.” Hu Yuanyuan leaned against the sofa and said with a smile.

After Sun Wenqu returned to his room, he took a shower, curled up on the bed, turned off the light, and picked up his phone.

There were no missed calls and no unread messages. From the “good night” call Fang Chi had given him last night until now, there had been no further contact from him.

Sun Wenqu frowned. What happened?

Fang Chi was a very steady person. No matter what happened, he wouldn’t do something that would make him worry like this.

Did something happen?

Li Bowen?

Did he deal with Li Bowen?

How did he deal with him?

What would he have had to do for him not to call or answer calls?

Sun Wenqu lay there with his eyes closed, pondering for a while before suddenly opening them.

The little hanging clock in the downstairs living room struck loudly. Fang Chi sat in the second-floor hallway listening to it. It was eleven o’clock.

He felt all those delicate young ladies in TV dramas who knelt through the night until their faces turned pale and they swayed on the verge of collapse before fainting were all pretty ridiculous. Before he had even knelt long enough to faint, he already felt like his knees were about to shatter, forcing him to sit back on his heels. Later even his heels felt close to shattering, so he ended up sitting directly on the floor.

From afternoon until just now, his phone had rung many times. Messages, calls, he had heard them all. Some from other people, some from Sun Wenqu.

Sun Wenqu had called several times.

But he had remained kneeling and sitting there without moving the whole time.

He didn’t dare move.

He was afraid of hearing Sun Wenqu’s voice. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to disguise his emotions.

He was also afraid of hearing other people’s voices. Any person’s voice. Xiao Yiming, Cheng Mo, he was afraid of them all, afraid they would ask.

How did it go?

What happened?

How did you say it? Are Grandpa and Grandma okay?

He was afraid to answer, afraid to think of the chaotic and heartbreaking scene from earlier.

The television downstairs was on. Grandpa and Grandma, just like him, had eaten nothing from noon until now.

At first they had both stayed in their room. Now they sat on the living room sofa watching television, the channel fixed on CCTV-1 the entire time without ever changing.

Nor had he heard Grandpa and Grandma speak to each other. Their usual bedtime had long passed, yet neither of them went to sleep. They simply sat there silently.

When the downstairs clock struck twelve, Fang Chi finally heard Grandpa’s voice softly telling Grandma to go sleep.

Then the sound of the two of them entering the downstairs bedroom. A few minutes later Grandpa came back out again.

Fang Chi looked toward the staircase entrance. A burst of tiny claw-clicking sounds rang out as Xiaozi ran upstairs. After circling around him a few times, it nudged his calf, licked his face, then finally lay down beside his feet.

Grandpa’s footsteps climbed the stairs, heavier than usual, as though he were tired.

“Go back to your room and sleep,” Grandpa stopped in front of him.

“Grandma, she…” Fang Chi startled himself the moment he spoke. His voice was dry and hoarse, like he had a mouthful of sand in his throat, his speech gritty. He cleared his throat. “How is she?”

Grandpa sighed and said nothing.

“Grandpa,” Fang Chi struggled a little to kneel properly again. Everything below his waist was numb. He could barely find his balance while kneeling and had to brace himself on Xiaozi’s head before stabilizing himself. “I…”

“Don’t say anything for now,” Grandpa waved a hand. “And stop kneeling. Go sleep.”

Fang Chi didn’t move.

“This matter isn’t something that can be solved right now either,” Grandpa said. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

After saying that, Grandpa slowly turned and went downstairs.

After resting a while, his numb knees started aching piercingly the moment he knelt again. In less than a minute, Fang Chi had to grit his teeth and sit back on the floor again.

Xiaozi pressed close to him, rubbing its head against his chin, then licking his hand again and again.

“Xiaozi,” Fang Chi pulled its head into his arms and whispered into its ear, “What do you think I should do? Do you know what to do? Can you go persuade Grandpa and Grandma for me? Help me persuade them… I’m really… really scared. I’m scared they’ll make themselves sick from anger, but I don’t have any other road I can take…”

A faint whimper came from Xiaozi’s nose.

“I really… don’t have any other road left,” Fang Chi gently scratched its neck. “All these years this was what I was afraid of. Obviously it wasn’t a road I chose myself, but I can only keep walking down this one road and there’s nothing I can do about it…”

Xiaozi made tiny whining sounds through its nose.

“I’m sorry to Grandpa and Grandma, sorry to my dad and mom,” Fang Chi closed his eyes. “But I also don’t know why I’m sorry to them… What should I do… can you tell me…”

When Fang Chi’s call came through, Sun Wenqu had already fallen asleep holding his laptop against the pillow. Groggily, he answered, “Hello?”

“You were asleep?” Fang Chi’s voice came from the other side.

“What happened to you?” Sun Wenqu immediately heard the change in his voice. It was terribly hoarse.

“I’ve got a fever,” Fang Chi coughed twice. “I coughed all night yesterday, and this morning I got a fever.”

“How’d you end up with a fever?” Sun Wenqu sat up and tossed the laptop that was still resting on his stomach aside. “Weren’t you perfectly fine yesterday?”

“I don’t know,” Fang Chi coughed repeatedly again. “I went to the town clinic for an IV today. The fever’s gone down already.”

“Why didn’t you pick up the phone? And you didn’t even call me back?” Sun Wenqu frowned.

“I had a fever this morning, almost 40 degrees. My grandpa panicked and took me to the town clinic. I was all groggy and didn’t bring my phone. After the injection in town, I went straight to my parents’ place,” Fang Chi’s hoarse voice sounded heartbreaking. “And it wasn’t really appropriate to use my parents’ phone to call you…”

“You’re back at your grandpa’s now?” Sun Wenqu asked.

“Mm, just got back. My parents came back with me,” Fang Chi said, then lowered his voice and added softly, “You’re not mad at me, right?”

That slightly coquettish tone in his hoarse voice made something in Sun Wenqu soften. “I was mad already. I even slept half the day.”

Fang Chi started coughing again, and after coughing, he chuckled twice. “Oh right, gotta tell you something.”

“What?” Sun Wenqu responded.

“Last night when I got back, I ran into that b*stard Li Bowen at the village entrance,” Fang Chi said. “Scared him so bad he fell over.”

“You didn’t do anything to him, did you?” Sun Wenqu laughed.

“No, I just raised my hand and he kneeled to me…” Fang Chi paused. “Kneel down, and his knees would crack loud enough to play a whole national anthem.”

“What nonsense, don’t bother with that kind of person,” Sun Wenqu smiled. “Go to sleep early, didn’t you just have a fever?”

“Mm,” Fang Chi also smiled. “I’ll call you tomorrow evening. I’ll probably sleep until the afternoon, took medicine today, really sleepy.”

“Got it. Go sleep,” Sun Wenqu said.

“Good night,” Fang Chi said. “I love you.”

Sun Wenqu froze for a moment.

I like you.
I really like you.
I like you so much it’s unbearable.

Fang Chi had said “like” many times, many kinds of liking.

But “love”… this was the first time Sun Wenqu had heard it.

“Sun Wenqu,” Fang Chi’s voice seemed even hoarser, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sun Wenqu said softly.