Chapter 61 “Will You Feel Guilty?”
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Shen Yao mouthed the question to Xu Yibai, seeking his opinion, but his fingers instinctively and without consent pressed the answer button. He didn’t hesitate to put the call on speakerphone, completely unbothered by Xu Yibai hearing their conversation.
With a smile on his lips and his eyes only reflecting Xu Yibai’s figure, he called out, “Yan Zhixing…”
Before he could finish speaking, his words were interrupted by Yan Zhixing’s agitated and hurried breathing. His voice sounded more like an interrogation, devoid of his usual maturity and composure.
“Who is he?”
Seeing that Xu Yibai didn’t try to stop him, Shen Yao raised his hand and casually fiddled with the buttons on his clothes. Occasionally, he would accidentally touch his skin through the fabric.
“Can’t you tell? Guan Shu was my ex-ex-boyfriend. He was my ex-boyfriend.”
Shen Yao said nonchalantly, and the moment the term “ex-boyfriend” came up, he clearly felt Xu Yibai’s grip on his arm tighten abruptly. He soothingly patted Xu Yibai’s arm, unsure whether it was to provoke Yan Zhixing or to comply with Xu Yibai’s wishes, or perhaps he simply changed his mind.
“Forget to mention, we’re back together now, so he’s no longer my ex-boyfriend.”
“I’m truly sorry for ruining your engagement banquet.” Although it was Shen Yao who had orchestrated the whole event, he now spoke softly and sincerely, without giving the impression of insincerity. “How’s your injured leg from Guan Shu’s attack? In the future, will it…”
Before he could finish his sentence, Xu Yibai bent down, wrapping his arm around Shen Yao’s waist and pulling him out of the car door, lowered his head to capture Shen Yao’s lips in a kiss.
He forcefully plundered every breath of air, entangling his tongue with Shen Yao’s, rendering him unable to speak a single word. All sounds were swallowed and transformed into the ambiguous noises of their kiss.
“I…don’t…”
“Gulp.”
Shen Yao’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he involuntarily swallowed down the saliva that filled his mouth, his voice clear and resolute.
He showed no fear or shyness, deliberately allowing Yan Zhixing to hear the sound. It seemed that he wanted Yan Zhixing to hear.
Shen Yao unconsciously gripped Xu Yibai’s clothing, showing no resistance as he actively pressed his lips against Xu Yibai’s.
The sound of the wind brushed past, unable to drown out the intensity and tenderness of their passionate kiss. Just by listening, one could understand the fervor and entanglement they shared.
Yan Zhixing laid on the stretcher on his way to the hospital, his uncontrollable pheromones filling the confined space inside the vehicle. His complexion grew paler, while his deep blue irises became bloodshot.
The sound of their kissing could be clearly heard from the phone, and Yan Zhixing listened as Shen Yao kissed another alpha.
His emotions once again became uncontrollable, the veins on his arms bulging as he squeezed the phone, causing clear cracks to form.
His pheromone levels were already unstable, and a loud ringing noise resounded in his ears, pushing him into a heightened state of sensitivity.
Pheromones would reveal the true emotions of an alpha, even if the doctors around him had already put on protective gear, they could still smell the anger and jealousy emanating from the sandalwood.
It made people extremely uncomfortable, and one had to exert all their strength to suppress the urge to run away.
“Shen Yao…”
Yan Zhixing squeezed out these two words from between his clenched teeth, his mind focused solely on finding Shen Yao. Propping himself up on the stretcher, he suddenly sat up, even delusionally attempting to step onto the ground.
“Bang!”
He didn’t have the strength to support himself, and in the blink of an eye, he fell to the ground, accompanied by the sound of a medical glass bottle shattering.
The wound on Yan Zhixing’s leg, which had just been urgently treated, split open once again. He couldn’t even see the shards around him, just pressing his hand down, desperate to use the force to stand up.
“Master!” “Sir!”
Amidst the chaotic voices, the shards penetrated his palm, and blood gushed out instantly.
Yan Zhixing struggled to support himself on the nearby table, and in this situation, he actually managed to stand up. He pushed aside Chen Shuang, who had rushed over, and dragged his leg, only wanting to walk towards the car.
Shen Yao, he had to find Shen Yao!
The sound of their kissing continued without stopping, and the sound of their lips and tongues intertwining grew more intense. Visual and auditory sensations merged into a chaotic mess, and Yan Zhixing held his head in excruciating pain, nearly collapsing to the ground.
Illusions appeared before his eyes, scenes of him holding Shen Yao in a passionate embrace, their soft lips and tongues like an addictive poison that deceived him into indulgence.
Yan Zhixing had never opened his eyes during the kiss, yet he saw an image of Shen Yao with closed eyes, fluttering eyelashes, and a slightly flushed cheek, completely intoxicated in this kiss with him.
“Sir!”
Chen Shuang was in a state of panic, sweat dripping down his cheeks like raindrops, repeatedly calling Yan Zhixing’s name.
But Yan Zhixing couldn’t hear any of the sounds, as he fell into the false dreams he had fabricated for himself.
Unconsciously, he raised his hand as if to embrace Shen Yao’s waist. However, distorted voices came from the phone once again—
“Xu Yibai…”
Yan Zhixing abruptly opened his eyes, as if forcibly torn away from a dreamlike and beautiful scene. The strength supporting him vanished in an instant, and he stumbled forward, caught by Chen Shuang, who had been attentively watching him.
He picked up the phone that he had dropped, his body trembling slightly. The realization that it was another alpha, not him, kissing Shen Yao pierced his throat like a sharp knife.
Shen Yao struggled to steady his breath and regained his composure before saying, “Yan Zhixing, you raped me back then, and now Guan Shu gave you a shot. That’s what you deserve. I believe you wouldn’t have the face to let him go to prison, right?”
Yan Zhixing’s eyes turned red, and he opened his mouth to ask, “Shen Yao, I thought you…”
“Beep…”
Before he could finish his questioning, the phone fell into a busy tone. Yan Zhixing slowly completed his remaining words, “Could only smell my pheromones?”
Yan Zhixing had always firmly believed in this matter, and even now, after a momentary wavering, he remained steadfast.
Dependency would deepen with each marking, and he had already marked Shen Yao several times. As long as Shen Yao relied on his pheromones, Shen Yao would definitely, definitely return to his side.
Yan Zhixing’s breathing became increasingly difficult, and his consciousness was once again shattered into pieces. The long-lost sense of pain swept over him, fueling an intense urge for destruction that he couldn’t suppress.
Finally, he lost consciousness completely and fell heavily to the ground. Yan Zhixing understood—before Shen Yao returned to his side, he would be tortured to the point of near death.
***
Xu Yibai didn’t continue driving. They hadn’t been parked on the roadside for long when a new driver arrived. With a signal from Xu Yibai, the partition between the driver’s seat and the backseat was lowered.
“Shen Yao,” Xu Yibai’s Adam’s apple bobbed, as if restraining his own anger. “Even if Guan Shu didn’t fire that shot, I would find a way to help you get revenge.”
He had heard it all—what Shen Yao had experienced in the past, what Yan Zhixing and Guan Shu had done to Shen Yao.
Shen Yao was his omega, and even though he had been abandoned and betrayed by Shen Yao so many times, even though he now only wanted to lock Shen Yao away, his protective instincts for Shen Yao never wavered.
“Of course, I know you would help me,” Shen Yao retorted. “But now that Guan Shu has shot and injured Yan Zhixing’s leg, which was Guan Shu’s doing, would you not help me with anything else?”
He knew that Xu Yibai would definitely help. He also knew that Xu Yibai wasn’t concerned about that.
As expected, Xu Yibai’s chest gradually rose and fell with deep breaths. He turned his face, and despite being forcibly restrained, his voice sounded like a low growl. “Then why do you still care about Guan Shu’s life and death? If you’re worried that no one will protect you, I will.”
“If Guan Shu ends up in prison because of me, I won’t be able to forget him,” Shen Yao asked calmly and indifferently. “Do you want me to remember him forever?”
Xu Yibai’s heartbeat quickened for a moment. He turned his face abruptly to look out the window, his silent expression revealing no discernible emotions.
The car remained quiet for a while, and then Xu Yibai stared at Shen Yao intently, repeating the unfinished question Yan Zhixing had asked.
“What did Yan Zhixing say you’re not?”
He knew Shen Yao was just a little trickster, and he despised Yan Zhixing, but he wanted to uncover every detail from him.
The backseat was spacious, and Shen Yao took the initiative to crawl over and sit on Xu Yibai’s lap. This way, he was slightly taller than Xu Yibai, but obediently lowered his head to look at him.
“Why would I know what he wanted to say?” Shen Yao looked at him, with a slightly puzzled expression. “Maybe it’s because I said I liked him?” He shrugged lightly and helplessly said, “I was just speaking casually. Why did he take it seriously?”
Xu Yibai’s gaze never left Shen Yao, and his hand hanging by his side slowly tightened its grip.
Just speaking casually… Why did he take it seriously?
In this regard, he and Yan Zhixing were no different to Shen Yao. Shen Yao had said so many times in the past that he liked him, and Xu Yibai didn’t know which ones were true and which ones were just casual remarks.
“Why do you always have to doubt me?” Shen Yao saw what Xu Yibai wanted to say from his expression, and he tilted his head. “Yes, I’ve lied to you about many things, but I’ve said it multiple times: when I say I like you, I mean it.”
“Among so many alphas, if I didn’t like you, why would I willingly approach you and pursue you? I really liked the way you were in college, so please don’t change, okay?”
Xu Yibai turned his face to the side, evading the kiss that Shen Yao offered willingly, and coldly retorted, “Was the way I was in college easy to deceive and toy with like you did?”
That kiss ended up landing on his left cheek, light and moist, like a wet feather.
“No,” Shen Yao really liked the mole on Xu Yibai’s nose. He glanced down for a moment and then lifted his face to look at him, his pupils clean and transparent as if one could see to the bottom. “When I saw you in the past, it felt like I was seeing spring.”
Xu Yibai’s gaze slightly froze for a moment. When Shen Yao leaned in again, he didn’t dodge this time but instinctively closed his eyes.
However, this time the kiss didn’t land on his lips, but once again stopped at the tip of his nose, eliciting a soft laugh from Shen Yao.
Xu Yibai suddenly snapped out of it, realizing that he had almost been deceived and manipulated by Shen Yao again. He grabbed Shen Yao’s wrist, wanting to push him off his body, but Shen Yao firmly held onto his shoulders.
In the car, he couldn’t exert too much force, or else Shen Yao’s head might accidentally hit the car door.
“Shen Yao, tell me the truth. When did you meet Yan Zhixing?” Xu Yibai pinched Shen Yao’s chin, forcing him to lower his head. “Did you meet him earlier than when I saw that business card?”
“Were you already together with Yan Zhixing while we were still together? Otherwise, why would he appear in your solo performance?”
Initially, Xu Yibai wanted to ask calmly and indifferently. He didn’t want Shen Yao to see the intense fluctuations in his emotions because that would be too ugly.
Shen Yao had betrayed him at least twice, and if he were clear-headed enough, he should have completely detached himself from this relationship after their breakup.
But he hadn’t. He had used every means possible just to return to Shen Yao’s side. He used to believe that love shouldn’t be forced, but now Xu Yibai even wanted to bind Shen Yao to him.
His voice grew louder and eventually turned into an uncontrollable roar. “You didn’t just give your theater ticket to me alone, did you? Otherwise, why would he conveniently sit next to me? Did you break up with me because you met Yan Zhixing, is that right?”
“How is that possible?” Shen Yao endured the pain but still didn’t resist Xu Yibai’s actions. He gently pressed his forehead against Xu Yibai’s. “That was a beautiful memory exclusive to us. Don’t you understand my perfectionism? How could I let other alphas get involved? I didn’t even know Yan Zhixing back then. That business card wasn’t something I asked for; he forced it on me.”
“Xu Yibai, that dance was indeed performed for you alone.” The image of the antlers seemed to reappear on Shen Yao’s head as he spoke softly. “Only the two of us understand the meaning of that dance. Others are just spectators. But you’re different, you’re a participant. Why are you getting angry about this?”
Unconsciously, Xu Yibai raised his hand and wrapped his arm around Shen Yao’s waist. His expression was shattered, and his gaze seemed distant, clearly reminiscing about Shen Yao’s performance on the stage.
Shen Yao leaned against Xu Yibai and caressed his cheek. “It was truly a coincidence that Yan Zhixing was there. I had no reason to deceive you.”
“I know what you want to do. You want to lock me up, don’t you?”
Struck by this insight into his inner thoughts, Xu Yibai’s pupils contracted slightly.
“I allow you to lock me up. I don’t recommend it, and I’m not afraid either. As long as you don’t become like Yan Zhixing and Guan Shu or like you were the last time, I will stay by your side.” Shen Yao whispered softly, “Don’t call me Shen Yao anymore. I don’t like it when you address me with such formality. Can you call me Yao Yao again?”
Xu Yibai’s arm gradually tightened around Shen Yao as he slowly lowered his head, resting it on Shen Yao’s shoulder, as if willingly dismantling the fortress he had built around his heart.
“Yao Yao…”
When he raised his face again, his eyes were slightly red. Xu Yibai’s gaze slowly moved downward, stopping at the ring on Shen Yao’s right hand, as if he was about to take it off with his own hands.
“Guan Shu gave me this ring. Can I give this ring to you?” Shen Yao explained after noticing his gaze. He reached out, took off the ring that matched his own and placed it in Xu Yibai’s hand. “Of course, I don’t mind getting a new ring. But just in case, if one day Guan Shu notices that the ring is missing from my finger, he’ll be angry with me.”
“He won’t.”
This was already the third time today that Xu Yibai heard that name from Shen Yao’s mouth. He slowly tightened his grip on the ring. He didn’t want to hold onto it any longer.
Xu Yibai rolled down the car window and threw the ring out, while he tightly pursed his lips and assured Shen Yao, “Last time, I didn’t handle things securely enough. I promise I will never let you get hurt again.”
Xu Yibai took Shen Yao back to his own place. After their breakup, Gu Yunyun couldn’t bear to see him in such a miserable state. Several times, she wanted him to move back home or find a new place to live.
But Xu Yibai never agreed and stubbornly stayed in the same place by himself. Shen Yao hadn’t been to Xu Yibai’s home for a long time, and everything inside remained unchanged.
As if retracing memories, Shen Yao opened the doors of each room and looked inside, with Xu Yibai following behind him, not stopping his actions.
Shen Yao approached the music room and placed his hand on the doorknob. He tried to turn it but found that the door was locked.
The music room was where Xu Yibai spent most of his day, and it had never been locked before. Shen Yao instinctively turned his head and asked, “Why is it locked…?”
Inside the music room, the furniture that had been smashed was replaced with new ones. Xu Yibai bought the same furniture again, restoring it to its original state.
Xu Yibai silently stared at the door, his gaze directed towards where he should have been able to see the piano if the door wasn’t locked.
Shen Yao lowered his head, his gaze falling on Xu Yibai’s heavily bandaged right hand. He reached out, wanting to touch it, “Your hand…”
Just as they were about to make contact, Xu Yibai pulled his hand back, avoiding his touch.
At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Xu Yibai turned around to open it. Standing outside was a doctor carrying a medical kit, appearing to be there to change Xu Yibai’s bandages.
The doctor skillfully moved towards the direction of the sofa.
“Wait.”
Xu Yibai called out, not wanting Shen Yao to see his injured hand. He led the doctor into the study.
Shen Yao’s footsteps seemed to be glued to the spot at the entrance of the music room. He remained motionless, his gaze never leaving Xu Yibai and the doctor’s retreating figures. He couldn’t hear any sounds coming from the study. Slowly, he lowered his eyes, his expression unreadable.
The bandage changing process was quick, and Xu Yibai emerged from behind the doctor. He made eye contact with Shen Yao but quickly averted his gaze.
“Are you thirsty?”
Xu Yibai asked Shen Yao, then walked towards the kitchen. He poured two glasses of warm water and held them with both hands.
But as he lifted the cups, his right hand seemed to lose strength, suddenly going limp.
The glass slipped from his hand with a loud “thud” and shattered into pieces on the floor, creating a pool of water on the tiles.
Expressionless, Xu Yibai crouched down, intending to pick up the shards. However, Shen Yao, alerted by the sound, walked in from outside.
He grabbed Xu Yibai’s arm, his voice tense, “Let me do it.”
Xu Yibai, for once, didn’t resist him. Shen Yao crouched down and carefully wrapped the glass fragments in a cloth from the dining table, picking them up one by one and disposing of them in the trash bin.
“Xu Yibai.” As Shen Yao stood up, he softly called Xu Yibai’s name and asked, “Can you still play the piano?”
Xu Yibai didn’t give a direct answer, neither confirming nor denying. His right palm was still wrapped in thick bandages, freshly changed. He hid his right hand behind him, “Will you feel guilty, Shen Yao?”
This time, Shen Yao remained silent for a long time. He understood the significance of those hands to Xu Yibai and what being unable to play the piano meant to him.
“I will.” Shen Yao gave his answer in a solemn voice. He told Xu Yibai, “It’s not worth destroying your hands for a relationship.”
Xu Yibai’s Adam’s apple bobbed slightly. He used his bandaged right hand to hold Shen Yao’s hand and spoke softly:
“If you feel guilty, then stay by my side forever.”
After a pause, Xu Yibai’s hand trembled slightly. He tried to maintain a calm tone as he said:
“Shen Yao, I can’t continue playing the piano.”
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