Chapter 30
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Yun Qingci was full of hatred and anger.
After his rebirth he recalled his past and realized that all the love he once had was clouded with trickery.
He was sure that Li Ying was cruel to him, so he didn’t want to show a vestige of his emotions to him. Even his hatred was deliberately restrained.
He finally tore off Li Ying’s mask, but what was he talking about? That he regretted it and wanted to love him?
If it was love, where was he when he died in his previous life?
If it was just regret, what did it have to do with him?
When I loved you, you schemed against me, and when you love me, I have to be with you?
Why should he??
Rebirth was a rare gift. Yun Qingci cherished it very much. He wanted to live his own little life behind closed doors, to be a prideful Lord Empress who did not need the emperor’s favor to feel superior, and to fight for the greater good of his family.
It was Li Ying who came to annoy him again and again.
Before, when he used to lose his temper and make trouble, Li Ying would always stop or walk away. Now he could no longer drive him away by losing his temper and making trouble.
It seemed as if Li Ying was really blaming himself, feeling guilty, and wanting to make it up to him.
No, he just wanted Yun Qingci to be grateful; after all, he regretted it and came to love him again.
But even if Yun Qingzhi really wanted to be grateful, it would be to the person who had given him the privilege of being reborn, who had given him the right to re-examine everything and make new choices.
Instead of Li Ying, who caused him to lose everything.
Li Ying’s forehead turned red at first, then gradually bruised and became slightly swollen.
His features were deep and classically charming, and this wound made him look a little sad.
Yun Qingci only felt relieved.
If possible, he would like to do it again, to break his head and smash it, then he will see if he still had the face to say he regrets it and to say that he loved him.
“It’s my fault.”
Li Ying opened his mouth. He did not avoid the night pearl, nor did he avoid Yun Qingci’s gaze: “I have made a mistake that cannot be justified. If you want to vent your resentment, come at me.”
Yun Qingci’s hatred was suddenly suppressed.
Why would he vent his hatred? In order to alleviate Li Ying’s guilt?
No, he didn’t want to hate Li Ying anymore, he wanted to make a fool out of Li Ying just like how Li Ying made a fool out of him.
Yun Qingci pulled up his knees, lowered his eyelashes, and thought hard.
He never thought that Li Ying would also be reborn along with him. What did he do to deserve being reborn?
With this thought, Yun Qingci remembered again: what qualifications did he himself have to be reborn? He was paranoid, jealous, blind and useless, so why let him be reborn?
He clenched his fingers and said slowly: “You were drunk that day, but you were telling the truth?”
“You know me,” Li Ying said, “I won’t lie when I drink wine.”
“But you said that you did not give Concubine Ning the title of imperial concubine.”
“That was because I drank the hangover soup.”
“I’m asking you ……” Yun Qingci’s tears fell unexpectedly, “Was it because of me that you wanted to kill my father and brothers?”
Li Ying’s lips trembled.
The teardrops fell from his eyes, without touching his cheeks, directly into his clothes, staining them with faint wet marks.
Just as he had an obsession with Yun Qingci, after Yun Qingci’s death, he transferred all his obsession to the Yun family.
Li Ying didn’t know how much Yun Qingci suffered in his previous life when he realized that he had caused his father’s family ruination, but he suddenly felt empathetic.
He stretched out his hand restrainedly but withdrew it without daring to touch him: “No, Ah Ci, I have never thought about killing your father. He is my teacher and the country’s minister. How could I want to kill him?”
“Don’t lie.”
“I would never lie to you again.”
Yun Qingci looked at him for a while, and said, “Was it because you regretted my death that you let them go?”
“No, I didn’t, it was all…”
“Good.“ Yun Qingci had already got what he wanted to know: “If you didn’t kill my father, then us being reborn is probably to settle things between the two of us. ”
He didn’t want to listen anymore.
Maybe it was because he still couldn’t forgive him emotionally, and he needed to leave himself a reason to hate him. Maybe it was because he really didn’t care what Li Ying had actually done.
Yun Qingci had always been like that.
When he hated someone, he wouldn’t give himself a reason to forgive that person.
Just like when he loved someone, he could convince himself to wait wholeheartedly, no matter what the other party did.
Before, Yun Qingci said to him countless times, I’ll wait for you to come back, I’ll wait for you to eat, I’ll wait for you so we can be together, I’ll wait for you to explain, I’ll wait for you when you want to talk..…
Perhaps, in the days when he was in the Cold Palace, he had been waiting for him, waiting for him to take him back to Chaoyang Palace.
That Yun Qingci had waited in vain.
So, in this life, he would never patiently wait for him again.
“Li Ying,” Yun Qingci said, “Let’s separate.”
Li Ying remained motionless.
“I can’t continue to be with you. I can’t continue to be your Lord Empress… You and I both came back with our memories, so I can’t play your games.”
He was very calm.
Yun Qingci got out of bed, quietly came to the desk and opened the drawer, revealing the familiar wooden pendant that was a token of love between them.
“The Qing Division can return back to you.” Yun Qingci picked up the pendant and said: “You encouraged me to create it. Back then you said that you wanted me to be able to defend myself, that you wanted me to see the world and not always be glued to you.”
“I have seen too little and everything was taught by you. It would be better to say that I founded the Qing Division for you than that you founded it for me.”
“You later took away your Qing Division,” Yun Qingci said with self-deprecation: “Gan Li knelt down trying to persuade me, saying you meant ill, but I didn’t believe a word of it. I told him that the Qing Division was originally yours, and that I was loyal to you. Li Ying, to you alone. And that if you and I were attacked, I would give up my life to protect you, because you are more important than my life.”
Li Ying still didn’t move.
Yun Qingci walked back and said slowly: “I will give you everything you want. Li Ying, from now on, we will cut off our enmity and karma. I will leave Shangyang to start a new life and take a good look at the world.”
“I hope you will always remember that the Yun family, the Qin family and the Xiao family are all loyal subjects, in their previous lives, and in this life.”
“Only me,” Yun Qingci said, “I will never be loyal to you again.”
His hand was stretched out; the texture of the wooden pendant in his palm was exquisite, the surface smooth and clean. It was not a large piece but it contained Li Ying’s mood when he had carved into it one cut after another. It also contained the love that Yun Qingci carefully nurtured again and again.
Li Ying did not take it.
“Don’t you enjoy the power here?”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“…Qifeng Tower has been handed over to the Ministry of Labor. Construction will start next year, and a year later at most it will be completed.”
“No need.”
“Lord, Lord Empress… It is also very important for the Yun family. As long as you are here, the Yun family, in the eyes of the world, will always be under one person and above ten thousand people.”
“As long as you don’t touch them, the Yun family won’t fall.”
Li Ying put his hands behind his back.
He seemed to be afraid that he would accidentally take the wooden pendant.
“Ah Ci… I dismissed the harem. Next year, no, today, they can all be expelled today. The Empress Dowager has been placed under house arrest. She can no longer influence your thoughts. From now on, this is your world. You can do whatever you want. Do whatever you want.”
“I still have you above me.”
“I…” Li Ying’s eyes turned red, “I will not restrict your freedom, I can protect you, you can be lawless, and, there is Ruan Lian… you can have Ruan Lian. Don’t you, don’t you like him?”
He looked at Yun Qingci, his breathing turning into gasps unconsciously: “Ah Ci, don’t go.”
Don’t go, don’t leave me again.
Don’t leave me alone.
Don’t…
“Can I take Ruan Lian away?”
After a long time, Li Ying said, “He is the musician in the palace. Only if you are the Lord Empress of the palace can he be yours.”
Yun Qingci pursed his lips.
It seemed that he was really hesitating because of Ruan Lian.
In fact, he didn’t care much about Ruan Lian, and he never really thought about leaving the palace. If the Empress Dowager did not die, there would always be a knot in his heart, and if he did not return everything that Li Ying had once done to him, Yun Qingci would carry regrets for the rest of his life.
He just wanted to see clearly whether Li Ying, as he said, regretted it and wanted to love him.
He wanted to know if Li Ying’s love for him was half as deep as his in the previous life.
He suddenly discovered that loving someone would really make one humble. Even Li Ying was no exception; he actually used an entertainer to hold him back.
What was the difference from his previous life, when he let Li Ying take a concubine into his palace?
But what made Li Ying different from him was that he could always quickly understand how to achieve his goal. Back then, Yun Qingci thought about whether he wanted to leave Li Ying or let a concubine enter the palace, and he thought about it for many days.
Li Ying figured out his bargaining chip in less than a minute.
The carved wooden pendant finally stopped pursuing Li Ying.
He sat down on the bed.
Did Yun Qingci really like the entertainer so much? Unwilling to accept so many other things, he immediately accepted when he offered Ruan Lian?
Li Ying lowered his head, his long eyelashes drooping, concealing his emotions.
Yun Qingci just thought that he was relaxed.
Only at this moment did he finally believe that Li Ying might have really regretted it.
After having been together for so many years, Yun Qingci thought he still knew something about him.
He confirmed with Li Ying: “Are you sure you won’t hurt Ruan Lian again because of me?”
“I won’t,” Li Ying said in a low voice: “From now on, he will be your person, and it’s the owner’s business to beat the dog.”
“He is not a dog.”
Yun Qingci corrected, but Li Ying did not answer again. After a while, he said, “Have you decided to stay?”
“En.”
Li Ying propped his hands on the bed, stood up with some effort, and walked out slowly.
“Ah Ying,” Yun Qingci stopped him and asked hypocritically, “Are you angry?”
“No.” Li Ying turned away, slowly straightened his back and said softly: “You’ve just fainted. You have to take a good rest now. I will order someone to make some soup for you.”
“Is it really okay for you to put the Empress Dowager under house arrest for me?”
“Don’t worry about these things.”
“Dismissing the concubines, have you thought carefully about it?”
“Yes.” Li Ying didn’t lie to him.
He didn’t decide to dismiss the concubines on a whim; each one was a bargaining chip, and there were many factors to consider as the forces behind them were so intertwined.
It was no different from the Li Ying in his memory. After he ascended the throne, Yun Qingci would always think: ‘My husband is so powerful’. He could sit lazily and watch him read memorials all day. He liked the way Li Ying planned his strategies. Even though he was still weak at that time, Yun Qingci always believed that he would grow up to be a real emperor.
Stepping out of the role of Yun Qingci, perhaps, he could still appreciate this man calmly.
Unfortunately, he was Yun Qingci, Yun Qingci who even put his life on the line for his love.
Yun Qingci said, “You don’t have to dismiss them, I don’t care anyways.”
Li Ying paused slightly and said, “It is expected for them to be dismissed at the end of the year. If it is today, it will make everyone have bad luck.”
“Oh.” His decision was right, and Yun Qingci didn’t want to be the target of all those families: “You need to stabilize your court so that I can have a good time in the palace.” ”
“En.”
Li Ying left Chaoyang Palace.
Yun Qingci put the wooden pendant into the drawer again, and finally a big stone slowly fell off his heart.
Li Ying, it serves you right.
If I don’t make a fool of you, I won’t be called Yun Qingci.
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Yun Qingci, I hope you have no regrets when you find the truth and see how petty and small minded you are.
Your rebirth might have change the fates of Yun family but it did not make you a better person.
You might be able to say that because you knew the reason of the ML. But if you look through the POV of MC, you can never fault him for doing those things. The ML basically didn’t communicate with him properly and he made some decisions that affected the MC and it could have been more easy for him if he explained it to him. The MC was vocal on saying he wanted him to explain and he’d wait but all he received was years of neglect and a scheme that killed him. If someone forced you to kill yourself, will you forgive them easily? If they don’t want to listen to your explanation, do you even know the feeling of having such intense anger and pain and then later on knowing that pain and anger was misinterpreted? Do you know how it feels to feel such emotions then next second feeling invalidated because you misinterpreted the things happening? Do you think the pain will go away? Will you feel played? Will you feel it was unnecessary and where will this emotions will go now? Will it just banished away. MC experienced terrible things in her POV and it was convincing to him that ML was the villain, and why is that so? Cause the ML acted that way and didn’t explain otherwise. He promised to be loyal with the MC but he broke it. Even if he wanted to separate between them but that itself was an act of betrayal. The MC only loves him and he might not love him if the ML didn’t made him fall with him and then because of his incompetence and lack of power he can just easily break things off with MC. Why didn’t he saw it already that he can’t protect the MC before they marry? In my eyes he already fails to be a responsible partner.
MC was not faultless but if loving someone so hard and whole cause him to do this things, then the ML deserved it. He made someone wholeheartedly loved him and that reactions was how his lover acted from all his decisions. I bet of the situation was reverse the ML will act even worse.
He has his reasons so I might not side with him but I only know that MC wholeheartedly loved him in his past life and was loyal till the end and it’s a fact that he died because of that love. No matter what you say, the ML has a hand of his death. The MC is not perfect but who is? That kind of love should have been cherished. If my lover acts like the MC, I would love it, at least his love was genuine.
Well they could have run away and forget about the power struggle and live simply but NO. Man can never let go power when it’s in their hands. I never get this, is power so satisfying? Now the ML was regretting cause he didn’t think power gave more satisfaction than the MC.
I knew that MC made a many dumb decisions but ML was in the wrong too. I mean just put yourself in MC’s shoes. MC in the last life, he was thrown to the cold palace. Ppl around him talking bad things about him. He didn’t get decent clothes or foods. He even saw his loyal servants corpses. So when he heard his fam was executed, he can’t even searching for the truth because his spy group was already taken by ML. It’s not helping that ML appeared like he didn’t thrust MC fam. He was truly alone and hopeless. He can’t do anything. Like-Why didn’t ML say anything to MC? Why didn’t ML put hidden bodyguard for him? So it’s understandable the both of them were-are at fault. They don’t even have mutual trust. So don’t just blame one side lol.
I agree, especially that THEY DIDN’T COMMUNICATE. Well actually, the book definitely served its purpose because look at how many angry people are boycotting QYC’s behavior as if YL didn’t neglect his spouse for decades.
People just don’t put themselves in other’s shoe and just be carried away with their feelings without any consideration.
Thank you translator for the chapter!
Seeing how emotionally unstable MC was all his previous life, throwing tantrums, being jealous for no reason, not trusting the ML and being an absolutely clueless, do you think if YOU were out in MLs shoes you would be able to trust him with secrets ? Let’s not forget ML is not an ordinary man but the emperor, he constantly needs to be vigilant, pleasing one person after another. What he did was absolutely wrong but MC is no saint either.
I thoroughly enjoy how petty Yun Quingci is.
This is a story. The MC does not have to be a good and lovable. Nor does the ML have to be a loving person. They can make mistakes and have horrible personalities. There are many stories about good, smart, and seemingly invincible MC and ML that have no flaw. But this MC and ML are more realistic. The MC hates as much as he loved the ML. I personally could not forgive the person that I love, killing me. If I was reborn I would make them regret to ever have meet me.
Exactly it is kinda annoying how much people are going on on about how MC is not a good person .
Like it was clear from the very beginning that he was crazy and obsessive towards the ML, of course it is not a good thing but like how would such a person suddenly change after rebirth .
Do you expect him to become a genius right after his rebirth ??? Like there stories like that too but this is also a possibility and the more realistic one as well.
Thankyou translator for this chapter💕, for conveying the chinese to english really easily absorbed in my head :).
If I was in QingCi’s shoes, I wouldn’t miss the chance just to be a better person, especially if the target is the right person on a right moment, and to add the cherry on top, it was a lover who I trust wholeheartedly. At least my heart will be satisfied and i won’t regret the fact that I refused to be used anymore by the same person.
I hope i wont get banned for this comment. #hides
honestly, I rly wanted him to leave LOL. but ig his way of ‘punishment’ is satisfactory too.
look, I feel bad for both but I’m def leaning more towards our mc. prob just cos I’m biased since I’m reading from his pov. but it’s prob cos in his prev life, he only had the ml and dedicated his everything for him only for the ml to turn around and cut everything away.
and also bcs the way he thinks about both of their rebirths is how I’ve been seeing reincarnation story lately. like just cos you regretted so you’re doing things differently now? but how about the past life when he was wronged.
oops and also, I really feel like the ml is hiding more things. he’s older and seems more calculative.
Why is no one talking about the b!tch empress dowager? She’s the root of all evil! She influenced the ML early while raising him. She found out that ML likes MC so she paved the way for MC to have feelings with ML. When they got together she’s the one who offered the concubine to the ML. ML respects and trust her, so she can convince him (in the name of stabilizing MLs authority). Then the a concubine entered the harem, then 2, 3, etc. That’s when all conflict between the two started. MC also trusts her so much, so when she told him (and had her servants tell him) all the drastic things he did to retain the emperor, he really did it to the point of ruination of the Yun family (which the b!tch had been aiming all along.) I agree that they really lack communication but ML know MC trusts the b!tch so much it’s not like he can tell him not to listen to her because MC treated the b!tch like a mother. Added to the fact that they trusted each other less and less the longer they stay together. Because the b!tch keeps pushing MC to do drastic things making him farther and farther away from his original self.