Chapter 109 Choice
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Qin Chuxu.
When the name appeared dimly, Qin Zhao’s face seemed to overlap with another face that was the same but not completely similar. Jian Chi blinked, and the phantom only dissipated halfway. Qin Zhao must have sensed it, he raised his head and frowned slightly.
“Turn your head over.”
Just as Jian Chi wanted to ask why, Qin Zhao’s eyes already conveyed the answer clearly. After the 180-degree attitude change of the surrounding classmates, the familiar Qin Zhao actually made Jian Chi feel a sense of nostalgia, so he silently turned his eyes to the window next to him.
“Are you looking for me?”
Qin Zhao stopped his movements again, and faced Jian Chi, who turned away for only a second and then suddenly turned back, faintly displeased, “What the h*ll are you looking at?”
After staring for three seconds, until Qin Zhao’s expression was covered with a thin layer of inquiry, Jian Chi answered in a low voice ‘nothing’ and moved away for the second time, trying to respond to the voice in his heart: “Qin Chuxu?”
Obviously, the sudden voice did not come from Qin Zhao, and even if it sounded exactly the same, there were still subtle differences in tone. Compared with the dreams and the cognition that subverted his world view, it was less surprising that he could hear the inner voices of others.
But he was still frightened.
The voice laughed lowly, and now Jian Chi was sure that it was indeed Qin Chuxu. They hadn’t seen each other for a long time, and there were many things that he couldn’t say and didn’t know how to say, but Jian Chi didn’t feel embarrassed or alienated. Probably because Qin Chuxu was the only one who knew the truth like him, Jian Chi had a natural trust in him and asked, “Can you hear my heart’s voice?”
“I don’t have that ability, but I’ve been watching you,” Qin Chuxu said, “the expression exposed you.”
The broken Jian Chi was embarrassed for a moment, and then felt it was strange, “Why didn’t you use… be in Qin Zhao’s body this time?”
It’s very strange to replace the words, but once again he couldn’t think of a better alternative. Qin Chuxu noticed Jian Chi’s embarrassment, and his voice contained a laugh of insight, “Not now, Qin Zhao’s spirit had not reached the level to accommodate me, in other words, he is not stimulated enough, and there is no opportunity to take advantage of it so I can only respond to you in this way.”
Jian Chi was stunned, and soon realized that Qin Chuxu appeared twice before, each time when Qin Zhao was emotional, and then suddenly, his soul was replaced. Looking back now, the two mood swings were all because of him. Jian Chi was a little guilty and covered it up with a new topic: “Do you have something to tell me?”
Qin Chuxu replied, “It’s not me who has something to say, but you.”
The fingers on the side of the bed trembled slightly, followed by an unsurprising peace of mind. After leaving the field of vision of Ji Huaisi and the others, Jian Chi never deliberately concealed his thoughts. It would be too tiring if he was always on guard against his surroundings. He didn’t reply for a while, and Qin Chuxu didn’t say anything as if he had disappeared, but Jian Chi knew that he was still looking at him somewhere, and said in a low voice, “I want to know, everything that’s happening now, who drove the plot?”
Before asking the question, Jian Chi had never carefully organized this sentence in his mind. Every word came out naturally after hearing Qin Chuxu’s voice, and came from the subconscious that he rarely explored.
After exiting, Jian Chi was stunned for a moment, and then felt relieved.
He had had this idea for a long, long time, whether it was deliberate or unintentional, it had been avoided. However, what was happening now can no longer be summarized in a few words. Deep down, Jian Chi was actually calm, even almost pessimistic. What he believed was that knowing the truth can’t actually change the result, just like a person who was well versed in history, it was impossible to change the ending of history when people return to a hundred years ago.
In the beginning, he desperately wanted to get out of the shackles of the plot, and looked at himself with the eyes of an outsider, and thus did a lot of stupid things. Later, more and more connections were like nets entangled around him and everyone. At that time, Jian Chi seldom thought about leaving or not, because he had completely integrated into Saintston and everything around him.
Ji Huaisi, Shao Hang, Wen Chuan, Bai Xiyu… All of them were no longer a symbol in the book. When Jian Chi realized this for the first time, he understood that he was already inseparable with this book.
Qin Chuxu’s voice sounded after a brief silence, and every word was stated seriously and deeply: “I once said a phrase, you may have forgotten, I will say it again, this time will be the last time. You must remember it forever, this is not a book, it’s your life.”
It was as if someone had hit him in the head, and the incoming wind dispelled the thick clouds in front of him, and also dispelled Jian Chi’s hesitation and confusion.
“The plot you thought of came from everyone’s initial choice. Have you heard of the domino effect? Every choice is like that little card. Only when Bai Xiyu splashed Shao Hang with water will hostility be between them. However, the hostility brought curiosity until it brought out his emotion. Back at the beginning, if Bai Xiyu hadn’t taken the initiative to provoke Shao Hang, their story would not have happened like a fallen domino. Split into points, the plot is nothing but a collection of choices. The original ‘Jian Chi’ made what he thought was the right choice and got this final outcome. Now, it’s you who made the choice, the real reason you are pushed to this situation.”
Qin Chuxu’s last words fell, and Jian Chi couldn’t recover for a long time. Qin Zhao had already picked up the bandages he had removed from the bed, and said to Jian Chi, “Don’t exercise vigorously in the next few days. If the wound is not feeling well, you need to come here for treatment, you can leave already.”
The two voices were one outside and one inside. One clearly affected his heart, while the other was vague and subtle under the power of the former. It took Jian Chi half a minute to recall his thoughts and replied, “Okay…I understand.”
Forgetting to say ‘thank you’ that was hanging on his mouth.
Qin Zhao couldn’t help but look at Jian Chi a few more times. Seeing that he got out of bed, he slowly moved his left foot out of the door. He walked ten steps crookedly like a drunk person. Qin Zhao twisted his brows, “If you’re uncomfortable, you can rest here for a few minutes.”
“No need,” Jian Chi had already touched the door, and then he remembered and turned his head, “Thank you.”
Qin Zhao didn’t look at him again after being rejected, as if he hadn’t heard these two words. The voice in his head made Jian Chi have no time to take care of others, he closed the door, leaned against the white wall next to him, and the support point of his body also dissipated the turbid air in his chest, “I always felt that I did something wrong to cause things to go in an increasingly uncontrollable direction.”
“There’s no absolute right or wrong, it’s just that everyone’s choice is different,” Qin Chuxu’s solemnity faded, and he returned to his familiar sloppy leisurely manner, “Do you still think that the people you know are exactly the same as the descriptions in the book?”
Jian Chi nodded subconsciously, then slowly shook his head.
Different.
They were flat and blunt in the book, all their emotions were like an open white paper for everyone to browse. But Jian Chi gradually realized that the Bai Xiyu he knew was not the simple and pitiful protagonist in the book, and that Shao Hang, Wen Chuan, and Shen Shuting he had come into contact with did not only have the extreme side when facing feelings. Later on, his choice was no longer one that required consideration of the outcome as before, and the rationality in his bones was slowly invaded by sensibility. This process was what made Jian Chi the most uneasy.
“Even though there is one sentence that had been quoted 10,000 times, it still applies.”
Qin Chuxu laughed softly.
“Jian Chi, be yourself, that’s enough. There is no perfect ending in the world, only one that makes you satisfied.”
This sentence penetrated into the depths of his heart that no one had ever visited, leaving an indelible and vivid imprint.
“Why didn’t you tell me before that you went to remove the plaster?”
When Ji Huaisi saw Jian Chi’s left foot that was safe and sound, he first stretched his brows, and then wrinkled it slightly. There was a tone of loss in the interrogation, which flashed by, but it made the person more concerned, feeling self-blame.
“How was it? Did the doctor say you’re recovering well?”
Jian Chi repeated Qin Zhao’s words and said, “I wanted to tell you, but I heard that the student union was very busy these days, so I went by myself.”
In the third year of senior year, the main members of the student union were facing graduation, and they needed to pass their positions to others in advance, including Shen Shuting and Ji Huaisi, the president and vice president. They had to hand over the most jobs and were also the busiest positions. Ji Huaisi’s face didn’t show any fatigue, and his hand hanging on his side touched the back of Jian Chi’s hand inadvertently, “No matter how important the student union is, it’s not as important as you, and there is Shen Shuting there. Even if I run out due to laziness, he will also help hold it up first, and nothing will happen.”
Jian Chi choked, why does it sound like he was trapping Shen Shuting?
Ji Huaisi tilted his head and smiled, his eyes were gentle and clear, “I lied to you, how could I be irresponsible?”
For some reason, Jian Chi always felt that the first passage was more relevant to the real Ji Huaisi. He thought of the speculation about stalking in his heart again, but now was not a good time to speak. Ji Huaisi’s hand, which was swaying slightly due to his steps, touched the back of his hand again. On the way to the student union, there were sparse figures around. Ji Huaisi didn’t directly hold Jian Chi, but every time he touched his skin, it brought a burst of warmth. It’s strange that Jian Chi felt that it was not okay to avoid it, and when he brushed it again, he held Ji Huaisi’s restless hand.
Ji Huaisi took a moment, smiled slightly, and seemed to be mixed with a slight surprise, “Aren’t you worried?”
Jian Chi thought to himself that it was someone else who was not embarrassed, and said, “Then I’ll let go.”
Ji Huaisi didn’t answer, but his hands were clenched tightly all of a sudden. Realizing that Jian Chi said this on purpose, slight fluctuations flashed in his eyes, and then he slowly and gently closed his palms. Maybe because it was the first time that he responded so proactively, Jian Chi’s heart beat a little faster just now.
He had to say, it feels good.
Qin Chuxu’s words were ringing in his ears again, and Jian Chi felt that he was really slow, or stupid, and only then did he understand the words ‘be yourself’. His uncertainty about his feelings, his swaying towards Ji Huaisi, in addition to the other party’s reasons, there was also a small part that cannot be ignored from himself.
He was always too worried about these things, and sometimes even wondered if Ji Huaisi fell in love with him because of some forced arrangement. For example, Bai Xiyu in the previous plot was now him. Qin Chuxu’s words made Jian Chi realize very clearly that everything that was happening now came from his choice, there was no ‘plot’, no dramatic change; this moment was like unloading a heavy stone that had been on his heart for a long time, looking back at the previous avoiding, Jian Chi couldn’t help but admire Ji Huaisi’s good determination.
Fortunately, Ji Huaisi couldn’t read his current thoughts, and the office was not far away. Ji Huaisi stopped at the door, looked at Jian Chi seriously, and asked the sentence he had asked before: “Do you really don’t need me to go in?”
Jian Chi didn’t forget the main purpose of coming here this time. Sinking his impetuous heart, he shook his head, “It won’t take long, I want to talk to him first.”
“Alright,” Ji Huaisi saw Jian Chi’s persistence, did not force him to listen to his thoughts, and stretched out a smile that could not be refused, “I will stand at the door, call me at any time if any danger occurs.”
He didn’t know how fragile he was in Ji Huaisi’s eyes, and Jian Chi even suspected that it wasn’t Bai Xiyu waiting in the room, but some terrifying beast; however, when the door was opened, there was no rich scene from his imagination. The office was spacious and bright, and it was equally silent. Bai Xiyu sat on the other side of the sofa. His eyes were red, as if just such a face-to-face made him panic and didn’t know what to do.
Jian Chi closed the door behind him, and after a crisp sound, all the questions he had thought about came to his mind.
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